Parents!

[meschen 24]

E-mail from mother of 1st year Scout (paraphrased): "I want to meet with you for an hour after the next Troop meeting to discuss my son's advancement."

 

My response (also paraphrased): "Scouts should discuss advancement directly with either myself or one of our ASM's at any Troop meeting. This is the BSA's policy, not just mine, and is an opportunity for them to grow."

 

Response from parent: "That's fine. I still want to talk to you about some requirements that are not signed-off in his hand book."

 

*sigh*

[qwazse 4342]

Good luck with that.

[vumbi 44]

Ditto Qwazse. You're going to have to work your way through this. Patience, patience.

[mashmaster 783]

Breathe deeply and count to 10.  I would have someone else with you when you meet with the parent, even just to listen.

[NJCubScouter 1389]

Does she intend that her son at least participate in the conversation?

[blw2 433]

I've heard of some that would refuse to meet.  They would take the hard line.

To me, i think that is too harsh, and would tick me off as a parent.  They would say, ok.  I think not ok.

 

I'm a Cub Scouter and inexperienced with troop level stuff.... but Personally, I would not agree to an hour meeting. I would really push hard to keep the meeting short.... maybe I'd tell them I don't have an hour but would be happy to talk with them 5-10 minutes after the meeting, but WITH their son....i would listen to the parent, with very little comment (trying anyway)..... and focus most all answers or questions to the scout, and not the parent.... maybe even asking the boy why he isn't asking the questions....somewhere in there explaining to the parent briefly about the idea that the scout is missing a growth experience here....

My thinking is that this way, the parent doesn't feel ignored or blown off..... but gets to see a demonstration of how it should work, kind of at least....

I'm reminded of a podcast, let me see if I can find it....

 

Here it is... doesn't directly apply, but there are some close parallels i think...

http://scoutmastercg.com/scoutmaster-podcast-193/

 

I liked his analogy.... the parent wouldn't run out onto the field during their son's soccer game and kick the ball for him, would they?....

[Stosh 3452]

I would have the PL of the boy meet with you and the SPL in tow when you meet with the parent.  Safety in numbers and the boys can explain why her son isn't progressing in advancement.  It's their responsibility, not yours, to help directly with the scout.  If the parent questions the protocol, just explain that the PL is responsible for helping her son with advancements, the SPL his is #1 support person in that process.  You only oversee the support of the whole program through the SPL.  If she asks why no adults are overseeing the program, take the opportunity to explain boy-led to her and that if her son steps up into leadership it will be great for his advancement.

[qwazse 4342]

@@blw2, I get where your heart's at. And as an ASM I've tried to "take flack" so that the boys get the SM, if they need him, and the adults get me.

It boils down to time management: even 10 minutes with a parent is 10 minutes away from the boy. So there'd better be a good reason to distract the SM (disability, family/financial problems, behavior issues outside of scouting, bullying in the patrol, their company provides a contribution pool to charities of the employee's interest, etc ...).

 

More importantly, @@meschen said what he said. It's time to mean it. Giving in might set the two of them up for 7 years of negotiation.

I think the correct gentle-but-firm reply would be, "When the boy wants to discuss advancement because he thinks his PL and SPL missed something, he may arrange to meet with me. Please understand that it would be unfair to the other youth if I allowed you to speak for your son."

 

Then, refer the mom to the committee chair (or maybe a seasoned mom in the troop) for any questions she may have.

[perdidochas 658]

E-mail from mother of 1st year Scout (paraphrased): "I want to meet with you for an hour after the next Troop meeting to discuss my son's advancement."

 

My response (also paraphrased): "Scouts should discuss advancement directly with either myself or one of our ASM's at any Troop meeting. This is the BSA's policy, not just mine, and is an opportunity for them to grow."

 

Response from parent: "That's fine. I still want to talk to you about some requirements that are not signed-off in his hand book."

 

*sigh*

 

My response: I will talk to your Scout about this, on his request. 

[SSScout 1615]

My response to such a note:  "  Dear Ms Scoutmom:   I am always willing to meet with any Scout at any time for any topic.  He may have his parent with him if he wishes.  We will follow Youth protection Guidelines, and meet in the hall way by the back door. If your desire is to meet with me privately ,  I am certainly willing to meet with you , at the same place.  Mr.  Baker, our  ASM will be there too.   Regards....."  (cc:  Mr. Baker, Mr. ComChair, )

Edited September 9, 2015 by SSScout

[Horizon 97]

Is there possibly another issue? Is this scout bullied or ignored? Does his PL not like him, and refuse to sign off on certain skills?

 

Mind you - I agree with all of the above, I am just trying to figure out what a full hour is needed for in this situation, so I am going with some bad potential undercurrents.

[David CO 1783]

I disagree.

 

If parents asks for an hour long, one-on-one, face-to-face meeting with me, they got it.  No preconditions.

 

By the end of the meeting, I will have my way on advancement, and the parents will discover that they have "volunteered" for something.

Edited September 9, 2015 by David CO

[Krampus 696]

As a parent I don't think I'd require an hour of a leader's time. Some troops are dependent on adults to help. Others run well while the boys are running the show. In a troop of 40 scouts imagine how much time an adult leader would have to take if every parent demanded an hour of their time.

 

I'd show some respect. I would let them know via email what my concerns were. Short. Concise. Bullet point. I'd request 15-20 mins to discuss my concerns.

 

If the questions are simply why something has not been signed off, chances are the leader won't have the answers right there anyway. He may need to investigate.

 

If the issue is something deeper, an hour may be necessary, but the parent owes the leader full disclose of what they want to discuss. That's the only way for them to be prepared and give answers. To do otherwise is just disrespectful of their time.

Edited September 9, 2015 by Krampus

[desertrat77 1144]

Rather imperious of Dear Olde Mum to demand an hour of a volunteer leader.  I agree with the previous posters' advice, particularly that the scout, PL, and SPL and another adult be present. 

 

I'd also offer her 15 mins of time initially instead of a hour.   While she has nothing better to do than make a Supreme Court case out of a minor issue, the scout leader has other pressing matters.   Like eating dinner at 10 PM, getting ready for work the next day, or spending a few minutes with family and friends.

 

Sorry if I seem a bit callous to Mom, but I had a couple flashbacks to my ASM/SM days in the '80s when I read Meschen's post!   I can still see/hear these ladies chewing me out, telling me what a bum I was.   Naturally, when I offered them the opportunity to help lead and make things better, without fail they all blanched and unequivocally said "no."   Even though they said no, most of them kept pretty quiet afterwards.

Edited September 9, 2015 by desertrat77

[F-P 16]

Maybe I missed this - why can't she lay out what she wants to discuss in the email?  Should be pretty simple to just write back that the principles of the program are to encourage boys to advance at their own rate, etc.