Frustrated and Depressed

[Eagle94-A1]

I have a Scout aging out in less than 30 days.  He transferred into the troop a while ago, and his former troop was not great with paperwork. He is so close to Eagle, but I think he has given up. The family told me that if he didn't get Eagle by the end of the charter year, he would not be renewing. Then last minute turned in paperwork for scholarship to renew. Waiting to hear back about scholarship, but have not seen him since.

I've known the Scout since before Tigers. Families had been close in years past, but something happened between my sons and him, specifically related to some online game they played. And we have slowly drifted apart since. I know it is his decision to pursue Eagle or not with the time remaining. But it still frustrating, and a little depressing. I have gone to bat for him in his old troop, and the current troop. I know the challenges they family has faced over the years and have helped him in a variety of ways to the point that I have upset committee members protecting the Scout. If I have worked with this scout more than any other, except my own kids, over the past 30+ years, and it is upsetting to see him come so far, and not finish.

I know Eagle is not the ultimate goal of Scouting. I know he will take the lessons learned, and apply them throughout his life. I know. I know that despite the challenges he has overcome, he will go far.

But why I am getting frustrated and depressed, especially when I have not felt like this with other Scouts int he past?

 

[swilliams]

Because you care?  And maybe because it's extra-rewarding to see a scout that has faced challenges be able to accomplish the 'top achievement'?  It also sounds like you know this scout a bit more than perhaps others.

A scout in our Troop went from not being able to write a paragraph without the lines drifting across the page, to taking AP European History.  I think it's natural for us to root for the 'underdog' and want them to reach 'the pinnacle'.

[Eagle94-A1]

UPDATE:

Since the last post, the Scout has gotten off his duff and busting butt. Project got approved and is completed, he is in the post project paperwork. 1 MB that we both knew he had left is finished. The challenge  is two 90 Day MBs. I know he started them prior to transfer, and I think he finished one of them with me back in his old troop. Sadly they do not use blue cards, so know record. The other I knew he started. Going to have a long chat with him at the meeting, but he will be cutting it close.

 

[qwazse]

Reality check: now that he’s making the effort, he may still fall short.

But at least he’s making an effort. I think the thing that was depressing you was that period of lack of concern that befalls most teens. On some it happens at the most self-defeating moments.

[Armymutt]

I have a similar situation, but am in an even worse position to help.  It's very frustrating.  The Scout turns 18 in mid-June.  I talked to him for about 20 minutes at a meeting in early March.  He still has to do Personal Management and Personal Fitness.  He had time, but seemed disheartened.  I told him that it will be a difficult journey, but well worth the sense of accomplishment in the end.  He kept saying that there are other things to put on a college application.  I tried to discourage that point of view, but for some reason, these kids are fixated on that.  The other adults have been trying to help as best they can.  I didn't get much of an update this past weekend on our camp out.  It's rough caring for these kids.  I try not to fall back on my veterinarian survival mantra of "you can't care more than the client" because they are kids.

Edited April 2 by Armymutt

[Eagle94-A1]

Well, I had another disheartening moment yesterday. 

We had a life Scout transfer into the troop because "you do stuff."  Yes their troop camped, but it was very infrequent. The Life Scout didn't know how to write a menu, food purchasing list, or duty roster.

I am beginning to wonder if I am fighting an uphill battle staying in Scouting.

[Eagledad]

52 minutes ago, Eagle94-A1 said:

Well, I had another disheartening moment yesterday. 

We had a life Scout transfer into the troop because "you do stuff."  Yes their troop camped, but it was very infrequent. The Life Scout didn't know how to write a menu, food purchasing list, or duty roster.

I am beginning to wonder if I am fighting an uphill battle staying in Scouting.

I don't understand. It appears your troop is a lifeboat for this scout and scouts like him.

Our troop averaged one scout transfer per month because of our program reputation. Many were friends of scouts in our troop. Council often referred out-of-state transfers to us . These scouts lack of skills can be challenging, but I always found them and their parents enthusiastic and great supporters for our program. 

I'm so thankful for your service. 

Barry

[skeptic]

You can only do what you can do; by that I mean offer the options and tools and then let them use them.  Eagle is, and should NOT be the goal, but rather self sufficiency and good citizenship.  Having pride in themselves, whether or not the Rank is achieved.  We can never win them all, but if we give up, we will lose them all.  My frustrations are greater now due to my age.  I can no longer just do some things and get others to join.  Other than simple drive in camping, and preferably a good cot, my body rebels.  And while the troop refuses to take me off officially, I am mostly a symbol or something; and I Am Able to do conferences and teach many skills still, though much more slowly.  My greater frustration comes from the poor support from our council and the seeming impediments they put in place under the guise of avoiding "issues".  Just CYA.  And I have been labeled silently as someone to put off and ignore or keep from others, as I might infect them somehow with expectations of doing scouting in its truer sense.  Yet, I will not drop out completely and hope to find a way to encourage other younger leaders to keep the good fight up and stay the course.  And when obvious wins show up, it moves us forward, and it plants that seed in the youth, if we are lucky.  

 

[jcousino]

You can only help the ones you can.For one to survive, help is that you can pray for rest and ask God to help you know the differencee 

[BetterWithCheddar]

14 hours ago, Eagle94-A1 said:

I am beginning to wonder if I am fighting an uphill battle staying in Scouting.

It's definitely an uphill battle with the recent membership decline and abuse scandal. I often question the time I have invested in the program, but my son and his friends still seem to be having fun, so I'll push forward. We're providing a welcoming environment where they can exercise, socialize, and get outside. Some kids really need that.

[Tron]

On 4/30/2025 at 1:43 PM, Eagle94-A1 said:

Well, I had another disheartening moment yesterday. 

We had a life Scout transfer into the troop because "you do stuff."  Yes their troop camped, but it was very infrequent. The Life Scout didn't know how to write a menu, food purchasing list, or duty roster.

I am beginning to wonder if I am fighting an uphill battle staying in Scouting.

This is your chance to make a positive impact. Find a way to be happy that you have an opportunity to make this scouts journey better. 

We all know that there are dirtbag units out there. The rest of us have to be the beacon for the scouts that want to actually grow.

[Eagle94-A1]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Much needed.

Weekend was a camp out, and he needed a lot of help from adults and others. Plus he has a hard time listening to his PL and APL. I overheard  dad telling him he only needs to listen to the adults. I kept telling him ask his PL for those things the PL could handle. Since I lent him some gear, when it came to it, I answered. Other Scouts are surprised he is Life. One commented, "he's like a Tenderfoot when it comes to camping"

I do see some promise. Going to chat with family when I can and get support to let him do things for himself. They do everything for him. Found out Dad bought the food for the patrol this past weekend.