A Webelos II who won't earn his Arrow of Light...

[Piedmont]

Hi all-I'm a newbie here, a Webelos den leader in the Southeast, and I have a problem. Of the four boys in my den who will be crossing over this month (one of whom is my son), only one will NOT be receiving his Arrow of Light. This boy is probably my favorite scout, definitely the most well-behaved and "Scout-like" in my den, but I have had problems with his parents since the beginning!

They NEVER show up for den meetings, and often even drop him off at Pack meetings (a big no no!). Though I am also a high-school teacher who has taught oral and written English communications for years, I have essentially washed my hands of these "parents," who have ignored every plea for diligence with the AOL process. Despite a year and a half's worth of printed activity schedules, ignored e-mails and unanswered phone messages, Excel achievement spreadsheets with notes and highlighted deficiencies, the boy is still missing several required pins, our overnight campout, etc., etc...I rarely give up on a kid, but I have given up on his parents, as he's only 11 and and obviously can't drive to our activities! To complicate matters, he is the one black boy in our den of 3 white boys (not an issue with me, but as you know, preception trumps reality every time...)Sorry for the tirade, but I have "fudged" on most of the pins he has earned, as he often misses the all-important "Wrap-up" meetings, but I'm not giving in on this one. As I'm going back next year to pick up my younger son's Bear den, I guess my question is, have any of you encountered this problem before, and if so, how do you handle an issue like this? I've agonized/lost sleep over this one. HELP! Thanks in advance for any advice. Piedmont

[Torveaux]

I wonder what the parents' expectations of Scouting are? I am guessing from your post that you have had discussions with them about what they expect.

 

I have 6 active Bears. To date, only 2 have earned their rank badges (my son and the CCs son). The other 4 boys have many other extra-activities (they are all in every sport that is available all year long). I have provided opportunities to complete all of the achievements that can reasonably be done within the Den. There is still a huge section of Family and God activities that are required. Given that we are all part of the same faith community, we even did part of the God discussions at our meeting.

 

I have resigned myself to the fact that you can lead a horse to water...I fully expect one or more to show up right before the last Pack meeting with a fully completed book. Just remember the motto: "Do Your Best". As long as I have done what I can and let them know what they need to do, I cannot lose any more sleep over how it goes.

 

Part of this resides with the boy as well. If he really wants to finish his part, he may need to push his parents a bit.

 

Good luck, don't beat yourself up about it.

[ScoutNut]

I would have a talk with the boy (you should include the parents) & let him know where things stand. Make sure he understands that he WILL be crossing over to Boy Scouts (has he picked a Troop?), but because of unfinished requirements, he will not be receiving his AOL.

 

That is all you can do.

 

 

[Piedmont]

Thanks for the advice, Torveaux and Scoutnut. I guess we all compete with sports, piano lessons, and uninvolved parents whose lives don't revolve around Scouts (imagine that!)My problem is that I take that lack of involvement/dedication too personally (both my boys are Scouts, even my wife is a den leader). But you're right, Torveaux; sometimes even your "good" parents will mess up your carefully contrived advancement plans. It's like herding cats! As for a discussion with the parents, it's all I can do to catch them every couple of months for a few seconds after a Pack meeting. When I call, I'm usually told that the parents are "too busy" to talk with me, and my advancement reports are routinely taken home by the boy and promptly lost. I just need to recite the serenity prayer...I have sent them a civil (but honest) letter concerning this, as I can't get through any other way. I fully expect it to be ignored. Aaron

[jr56]

I agree. At this point your primary concern should be to see that the boy bridges on into scouting. I've seen several boys have an active interest in scouting and hang in there despite complete lack of support by the parents. It's a shame they don't support their son more.

[SMT376Richmond KY]

Well being a Scoutmaster, I can say he may do better in Boy Scouts since parents don't have to be involved (nice if they do) for the boy to make rank. He does the work as long as he can make meetings and outings like it seems in your post. I'd say take the other advice advance him to a good Troop without his AOL. Nothing says he has to have it to join BS just be 11 and complete the 5th grade.

[evmori]

Someone told me once after I became involved in Scouting you can only be there for the ones that are they. If they don't show up, you can't make 'em!

 

Sounds like you did everything possible & sounds like you have excellent documentation of all your efforts. Don't lose it! You might need it!

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[Fuzzy Bear]

Your loss of sleep indicates guilt for doing something wrong or not doing something right. So, your statements must not give us the full story, no matter how hard you worked. Whatever you did/didn't gave you the sense that somehow you are responsible even with the lack of parental support. But, I don't think that is what you really mean.

 

For the last several years in Scouting, I have attempted to work with a group of people on the objectives and goals. That means that the Scouts and the parents come together to do Scouting as a whole set of activities. Advancement is not the one and only objective but it is one of the objectives. Scouting is much greater than any one of them. One person can fail one objective in a group but the joy of the achieving the other objectives within the greater group makes it easier to accept. I find that since there is more than one objective, we can find success easier and have more reasons to celebrate more frequently. The overreaching goals of participating citizenship, fitness, and character development are the mission. It is just that so often we make it our duty to point to a badge instead of a person's heart and describe how it has changed because of the program.

 

Twenty years from now, some will still say that, I am a Second Class Scout. I wished that I would have made it to Eagle. You will hear that said right here in this forum. There are ones that tell you how their life has changed because of the program. These are the ones that have actually found the value of what we are doing. Few will say that they learned to be a participating citizen and that they are fit and that their character has developed fully and rightly. Maybe that is too hard to say but that is where we are attempting to go.

 

FB

 

[kittle]

Piedmont,

 

I will be very happy if more than 1 of my next year's Webelos II earn their AOL. To date, only 1 has earned his Webelos badge (9 months into the program). I hope he does better in Boy Scouts.

[Trevorum]

Piedmont,

Welcome to the forum! I hope you'll stick around and share more of your scouting experiences with us as the days and months pass, both ups and downs.

 

As Fuzzy notes, advancement is not the point of Scouting. It is only a method. The point is to build character, physical and mental fitness, and citizenship. Regardless of his AoL or not, you should ask, "Is this little fellow the better for having been a Cub Scout?" Of course he is. Your goal now should be to ensure that he joins a troop and that he knows what to expect in the new unit. You'll want to brief the SM on the absentee parent issue; maybe rideshares can be arranged to meetings and activities.

 

Get some sleep and get ready for that den of Bears!

[Torveaux]

FB,

 

You just described me. I was a scout for about 1 year. I made 2nd Class and was close to finishing 1st Class, but my parents had enough trouble and I stopped finding time for scouts.

 

The funny thing is that I have used many of the things I learned in that time in my life. I made it a point to have my son join Cubs and have tried to provide a balance between support and 'wing stretching' opportunities for him.

 

If I knew then, what I know now....

[Hunt]

One suggestions: when you do your AOL/Bridging ceremony, include this boy as much as possible. You don't want to take away from the boys who earned the AOL, but you want to avoid putting a negative spotlight on him. We had this situation when my son finished Webelos (one boy not receiving AOL), and we did some careful tinkering with the ceremony with this in mind.

[Fuzzy Bear]

Trevorum, (*you may have to forgive my enthusiasm)

 

You know, I can state pretty much that I grew up in Scouting. I started in Cubs and graduated from Boy Scouts into college. I obtained Eagle and paid my way to Philmont. I was voted in to the Vigil and I learned Indian Dancing and built my own costume. There were so many exciting things that came my way in Scouting that it is difficult to list them. My Dad didn't enter into much of what I did as a youth but his work allowed me to live and be able to do some things that many might not have been able to do. I am grateful to him for looking out for me and my brothers and our Mother.

 

All of that to say that Cub Scouts stayed in my blood after all of these years. I still have my Wolf Cub book and I have found that I learned or started to learn many things that began for me right there. I am not sure of the reason that I found those achievements to be so exciting but they were. I learned to collect things and build some things and to talk to my parents about some things. Sometimes, I take my Cub books out and the ideas just flow all over me about things to do and I am an adult!

 

I am unsure if other Scouts get that excited about the program but to me it was the best. If I had stopped at any point along the way, I am sure that other things would have taken its place but even with all that I did it was not enough. I never could figure out what other kids were doing because later on there was just a minority of older youth left in Scouting when I was a senior. I just knew that I had found something that was of great worth.

 

Scouting as an adult really began when I went to WB. I know it is a term used by some in the Church but I felt like I was "reborn". That was when things got really exciting for me. I can testify that it is a great program where ever we stop or start.

 

FB

 

[CubsRgr8]

Piedmont,

 

Your post really hit home with me! Twice I was a Webelos 2 den leader and both times I, too, dealt with scouts not earning their AOL due to parental non-involvement. It hurts to see scouts you care about miss out on this special recognition. So, what to do at crossover?

 

You absolutely must separate the AOL presentation from the crossover ceremony. AOL is an award based on personal achievement. Crossover is akin to a graduation ceremony or a rite of passage. They are not one and the same, they do not go hand-in-hand. In fact, they should not even be conducted by the same adult leader. Awarding the AOL is the Cubmaster's role. Conducting the crossover ceremony is the role of the Scoutmaster and the SPL. Try to place AOL at the beginning of the pack meeting and crossover at the end.

 

Bottom line, you did your best for this scout. Encourage him to continue in scouting and let him know how proud you are of what he was able to accomplish. In fact, tell him you plan to come to his Eagle COH!

[Piedmont]

Thanks much to all for your advice and commiseration. Not sure yet how I'll handle the situation, but at least now I know it seems to happen to others as well. Maybe I'm not the worst den leader after all; in fact, I sometimes neglect my job and family for Scouts! I'll encourage him otherwise as eveyone has suggested.

 

Yours in Scouting

Aaron Harris

Palmetto Council, SC