not getting elected = being mean

[Lisabob 13]

Just had to vent. I heard an earful about this the other night from a parent in the troop. The boy joined our troop a year ago as a transfer and is now a Life Scout with a million merit badges (mom literally had him on a schedule until he joined our troop) and only his Eagle project to complete. He has skipped 2 grades in school so will be starting 9th grade at age 13 in the fall. Really nice kid, a good scout, but a little immature.

 

He ran for SPL and lost to an older scout. The older scout then decided to select another boy for his ASPL. He did tell this younger scout that he'd help him find another leadership position that would be a good challenge and also fun for him.

 

Of course it isn't fun to lose!

 

Mom says to me "well, he was so excited about scouting until he joined this troop. All they've done is be mean to him. Now he doesn't want to do anything!"

 

Sigh.

[CA_Scouter 11]

well I can certainly see from where he gets his immaturity... ;-)

 

[Gunny2862 11]

Lisa, until this year it was entirely possible for a 13 year old to be elected to SPL, and it MAY happen again...

But if he even gathered a measurable proportion of the votes he SHOULD see it as a victory.

 

Professional politicians talk about gathering 30% as a clear sign that they didn't miss by much, they just failed to connect with one additional segment...

 

As to being mean, if the kid (away from his mom) doesn't have a problem with the Troops behavior towards him(and they really aren't being mean _ and it doesn't sound like it) - then really neither do you - he's just playing the game his mom is laying out for him when he's with her.

 

As to her perception that the Troop is being mean - IS there any foundation? If so address it; if not, remember that the rest of us feel your pain.

Isn't being a Scouter Grand?

 

[shortridge 184]

I don't know of a tactful way to communicate this to her... but if the mother thinks that other Scouts are "mean," her perceptions will be radically readjusted come this fall when her son becomes a high school freshman - the only 13-year-old in a crowd of 15-year-olds. Most teenage boys (and girls) I know aren't generally guided by the Scout Oath and Law.

[Lisabob 13]

Yes in this case, "being mean" includes things like requiring a boy to actually fulfill the tenure requirements for rank advancement, have a signed blue card (our council/district use and check them) from an approved/registered MBC, and encouraging a boy to enjoy many aspects of scouting and not just earn the MBs a parent has determined should be earned. It means we don't encourage a boy to come back from camp with 10 merit badges "earned" in a week, but instead encourage boys to explore the whole camp program. It also means that the troop didn't give approval to a red cross-run blood drive as an Eagle project, where the only real thing the boy would've had to do would be call RC and schedule it. (we gave a whole bunch of suggestions for how he might embellish it to make it a viable project, but he decided to wait and do something different instead - which caused mom to blow a gasket)

 

And now it means the boy didn't get elected SPL, apparently the "last straw" for this mom.

 

He was voted in to OA, which suggests his peers have some respect for him but maybe see that he is on the young side for SPL. Of course mom won't let him attend the OA weekend because she's busy that weekend and can't go with him to supervise - and the OA chapter won't move the date for her convenience.

 

You know, maybe the other scouts didn't elect him in part so they wouldn't have to deal with her??

 

Yup. We're a mean bunch.

[shortridge 184]

"Of course mom won't let him attend the OA weekend because she's busy that weekend and can't go with him to supervise - and the OA chapter won't move the date for her convenience."

 

Oooookay then.

 

Poor kid.

[gwd-scouter 11]

Wow, poor kid. Mom can't go supervise an OA weekend so he can't go?

 

Any idea why he transferred troops?

 

Did the scout in question show anger or disappointment after the election, or just Mom?

 

Sadly, I think we've all dealt with parents like that. The forum is a great place to vent!

[Lisabob 13]

Yes he was a little disappointed, but didn't seem angry. Losing isn't much fun for anyone. Mom is the one with the problem. They transferred from another troop (in another council no less) after mom was asked to leave.

 

Every parent wants good things for their kid but lord help me if I ever go this far above and beyond the pale.

[evmori 11]

She sounds like one of those helicopter parents! I'd bet if you get him away from mom, he would be fine!

[Eamonn 61]

We had a mother who was kinda like this.

Her daughter joined the Ship, when I was Skipper.

Mom was /is a very nice Lady.

In fact at times very useful.

Very much a "Super-mom" who is active in just about everything and makes me tired just watching as she flies around from place to place and activity to activity.

She is a member of the Ships Committee.

Back when we were taking the Scouts to Camp Blue Heron, she offered to come along. Knowing that she had a van which would help transport the Scouts, I agreed.

I strongly urged everyone to attend the kayaking training events we had before we went and suggested that building up upper body strength would be a good idea. Of course she was too busy for this.

When we got to the camp, before they let the Scouts go on the water and out on the trek they do a days training, nothing that hard. The basics and how to deal with an over-turned boat.

I don't want to come off sounding rude or unkind, but watching her was really funny. She isn't very tall and has more than a few extra pounds. While the term Beached Whale comes to mind? Even that isn't right.

She splashed and splashed becoming more and more frustrated and upset, till in the end she took me to one side. She was crying!

BSA Training's do not cover how to deal with adults who are crying! After talking about it we came up with the plan that she would stay in camp. She wasn't sure but with a little arm twisting from me she agreed to allow her daughter to go without her. (Later when the going got a little rough the daughter had a few tears! I wonder where that came from?)

We went ahead leaving her behind.

The camp was busing kids in for some sort of Cub Scout day camps. Mostly it seemed under-privileged African-American little fellows.

They put Mom to work with these kids, doing crafts and Cub Scout type stuff. She had a ball.

Guess who went to Camp School to be the next Day Camp Director??

The daughter is now in college, last I heard she just got engaged and is marrying a Lad who was in the same Troop that OJ was in. The Lads Dad is the guy that OJ presented his Eagle Mentor pin to.

You might say:

"They all lived happily ever after!"

Eamonn

[Nike 94]

Sometimes we parents have to realize that we don't function so well with the same age group as our kids. I'm glad Eamonn helped that Mom out, and eventually she found a great fit for her in Scouting, but not with her daughter. (Much better than her packing up the girl and taking her van home!)

[eagle90 125]

I think the big part of this is the philosophy that "Every child is a winner", "Everyone gets a trophy", "We don't keep score", "We are just there to have fun". Fine, but that's no where close to the real world we are trying to prepare kids for. Everyone doesn't always win, there are losers in life, and you have to be prepared for that and know how to recover from that and persevere.

[qwazse 4344]

I love those mean troops.

 

It may not help much, but the mom needs to know that her child also grows by "losing" from time to time.

 

OA elections tend to be a sore spot. Given the age distribution of boys who go to camp, if you don't win the younger block, it's over. It causes a lot of soul searching. I remember one boy who talked to me after losing one. He had a laundry list of faults that I could have pointed out, but I had the wits (for once) to just ask "how do you think you can act differently to earn the respect of younger scouts next year?"

On his own he listed exactly what I thought he needed to stop doing and what he needed to start doing. I then told him, "Pick one from the STOP list, and one from the START list. Work on just those two."

Sure enough, the boy worked on his character and was easily elected the next year.

 

With SPL, there's no gaurantee that you'll ever be elected. But with 4 years to go in his scouting career, this boy will have more chances than others. But, be clear (or better yet, let your committee chair be clear) to his mom that he'll have more chances to lose as well.

[Hal_Crawford 15]

Quazse:

I like that approach. I'm filing it away for future use. Thanks.

Hal

[Eagle92 110]

Maybe i should have left my mean old troop as I was never elected SPL, always appointed ASPL. Not once was I ever depressed, sulking, etc, for not getting SPL. Heck I knew that 1) the choice elected was better than me, 2)Choice elected was as good as me, or 3) choice elected had more time to dedicate to the POR. I was just happy to be ASPL for 4 years.