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bearess last won the day on September 1 2017

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About bearess

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  1. bearess


    I’m not completely sure what you want here. It sounds like your boyfriend is free to come to activities, but he has to stay with you— is that right? He’s not banned. It sounds like he planned to go to the event with you for the day and then bring the younger children home for the night. The Cubmaster’s request didn’t make this impossible. I’m sure it was embarrassing— it’s hard to be reminded that he’s still a subject of gossip. But by then refusing to attend when conditions were placed on him, he also contributed to the outcome. You say his son will be a Lion next year— how much better for his son if his dad, who has a history, has already begun the hard work of proving himself to the Pack. You seem very focused on the unfairness of this. Gently, I’d urge you to let that go if possible. Your boyfriend’s worst moment was in the papers. He’s going to have to deal with that and face the consequences, including the social consequences. Why can’t he go to events? Why should his embarrassment and feelings prevent him from supporting your son? If he has changed, the only way for people to j ow that is if he shows them. Refusing to attend events and comply with requests makes it seem like he will only be involved if his past is forgotten or swept under the rug. He’s going to have to come to events, be involved, be positive. That’s how you get people to move on, not by refusing to attend and staying home. I also think you are forgetting how quick this all is. I don’t know when the conviction occurred, but he’s not even off probation. You’ve been together less than a year. I don’t know when his marriage ended, but he has a two year old daughter. In ten years, nobody will think a thing of this. Right now, it’s still very fresh. Be patient.
  2. bearess

    Just curious about background

    I’m excited for the inclusion of girls as well. I’m a woman, so clearly not a Boy Scout. I was in Girl Scouts for years, quit in early high school. I was in Explorers in high school. My father and his cousins (his mother died when he was young, lived with his cousins from age 7on) were all Scouts. All 4 of his male cousins were Eagles. My father quit at Star or Life. Currently, I’m a Den Leader.
  3. A new uniform hardly effects the program. The tenderfoot requirements are just to do certain physical tasks (run a mile, stretching, pushups/sit-ups), make a plan for improve,ent, try again in thirty days and show improvement. Physical fitness is basically the same, but your improvement plan lasts twelve weeks. I don’t see any reason that would change for girls. The Family Life merit badge will probably be amended to say parent. I hardly think a one word change to one merit badge is a program change. As I said earlier, my son’s troop has mixed gender patrols now, with the blessing of the CO. I assume in paper they will be two different troops, but in practice it is one troop, three patrols, all mixed gender. None of the boys seem upset. I don’t see any changes to the program. I think you are vastly overestimating how much Scouts care about this.
  4. Well, my son’s Troop (in a rural but very liberal state) already has mixed patrols. And....nothing. No membership,loss, nobody has complained. Son enjoys Scouts, is enthused, and the Troop is growing. It’s been great. They currently have six girls, out of a troop of thirty. I’d add that son has recruited two friends to join— in both cases, their parents expressed concern over the history of Scouts. Sat down with the Scout aster, talked about where the program is and is headed, and signed their sons up. As to what it looks like— I think normal. The Troop is transitioning to Scout-led, which has its hiccups. But the Scouts are learning and growing. They are proud of their accomplishments and motivated to continue. Adding girls has changed nothing, as far as I can see. It was interesting, a few of the leaders were talking about girls coming in, being better leaders/more mature, outshining the boys, being a distraction. One of them asked my son if he thought that would happen. He said “Well, it depends on the girl. Some will, some won’t”. I think that is the perspective of most kids. If the grownups can get out of the way, the kids can handle it fine. Just like camping, cooking, hiking—same principal applies. Let them lead.
  5. Is that really any different than when you were in school? Elementary education is a pink-collar profession, and has been for the last century. And I think working with women as an adult is vastly different from having a female elementary school teacher. Look at the #metoo movement— I guarantee every man being named had female teachers when he was young.
  6. You know, we attend church regularly, and I suspect my older son (Boy Scout) would identify as an atheist if you pushed him. But he goes to church with no fuss, doesn’t argue, easy breezy. My BF goes with us, and I have no idea what his inner spiritual life is (I doubt he has one!!). I suspect more on the agnostic side?? It honestly never comes up in a Scouting context. I know they have a brief religious service at Council camp outs, I’m sure my son goes without a peep. I suspect there are lots and lots of Scouts and leaders like that— their personal faith (or lack thereof) is just not a big deal to them. They don’t give it a lot of thought and go with the flow.
  7. bearess

    Would you say anything

    Yup, exactly right on all points. I’ve talked with the COR for the Troop quite a lot— we know each other outside of Scouts, his son is in the Troop too, he was the CM before this one, etc. The adults in the Troop were aware this was going to be an issue (CM hovering), and they are working on it. I have heard them correct him/interject many times— but they can’t be everywhere. I think they are doing their best. I did talk to the SM— he said that my son was goofing around when he shouldn’t have been, but SM spoke to him privately at the end of the trip and son owned up to that. Fine, it’s a learning process! SM said he’ll speak to the CM about his interactions. So, a perfect resolution!
  8. bearess

    Would you say anything

    Sigh. Talking more to my son, it seems the issue is he felt CM picked on him all weekend. Apparently he kept calling him “Mr. Patrol Leader”, which really bothered him. For example, son forgot to pack a flashlight— which he should have remembered! So he was asking another boy if he could borrow a flashlight, CM overheard and said “Oh, Mr. Patrol Leader forgot a flashlight. Well, you won’t borrow mine.” Now, I’m not defending him forgetting the flashlight— live and learn. But I can see how, after a weekend of that, you would be frustrated. What’s challenging here is sorting out what is good advice/helpful from CM vs son’s frustration at feeling picked on/mocked.
  9. bearess

    Would you say anything

    In this instance, the Pack and Troop do not share a chartering organization or Committee. There is some overlap between the two in terms of committee members/leadership— for example, the Troop COR is also a Den Leader.
  10. bearess

    Would you say anything

    Thanks for the feedback. It’s a small Troop—just two patrols, so no SPL. I’ll encourage my son to speak to the SM or ASM. There’s no reason. We did four years of Cub Scouts with him, he was my sons den leader as well Cubmaster— hes just a helicopter Dad.
  11. bearess

    Would you say anything

    My son, 10, is a fairly new Boy Scout. He is a patrol leader of a group of new Scouts. Their Troop is transitioning to being more Boy-led— I know it’s important to the SM and ASM, and they are working hard on it. He just went on his first camping trip with Scouts, and he worked hard to make it a success— and I think it was! The issue is his old Cubmaster, who has a son in his patrol. CM and his son are very close, almost enmeshed. CM grinds my son’s gears for various reasons, some of which are legit, some of which aren’t. So, on the trip, the boys tented together—except for CM and his son, who tented together. My son also made a “chore list” for his patrol, which had CM’s son and another boy doing dishes. My son’s chore (cooking) was done, and he was playing catch with another boy while dishes were being done. Apparently CM came over to him and said “Mr. Patrol Leader, you can’t play till all the chores are done. You need to go help with dishes.” My son felt annoyed, felt that CM wouldn’t have said anything if it hadn’t been his son doing dishes. CM does not currently have a role in the Troop, but I believe he will soon transition to ASM. So... would you say anything to the SM or ASM? Was CM out of line? I wasn’t there, so I’m getting one biased perspective! My son feels frustrated, like CM’s son always gets special treatment— which maybe he does, but that’s life! OTOH, it seems absurd for a ten year old to eat/sleep with his dad, rather than his patrol.
  12. bearess

    New Boy Scout Statue - Barre,VT

    Hey! My boyfriend wrote this article! I've seen the model many times in the library (I don't live in Barre, but do live in the area). I never realized it was a scout, although a closer look would have clued me in. Barre has done a really cool campaign lately to get more "modern" granite statues throughout town-- gargoyles on the end of bike racks, a granite "zipper" on the ground with flowers coming out (like you are unzipping the earth), etc. My boys' favorite is a life-size granite chair and couch!
  13. bearess

    Catholic Diocese boots out GS

    I agree, denominations/COs get to vote with their feet. So do parishioners/girls. It sounds like the diocese is being responsible and giving troops a long time to find new COs. Around here most GS troops are chartered by schools, anyway.
  14. bearess

    Farewell to Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus

    I think they are all bred in captivity now, too. I'm a big fan of zoos, and I think they offer a lot of education around animals/threats that circuses don't. I'm biased, because we have a great circus come to our town every summer that is only human performers-- kids love it. Heck, I love it!! So Imdont think a circus has to involve animals. I will say, I took my older son to some small "travelling zoo" That set up in a grocery store parking lot when he was 3 or 4-- it was terrible. A tiger in a cage so small he couldn't turn around, etc. After that, I have made an effort to avoid anything where I have any concerns about animal welfare-- I still go to large zoos, but I avoid small zoos and circuses with animals like the plague.
  15. bearess

    Cub scouts - How to avoid Lions ?

    The thing is, we don't know if kids are burning out because of extra years in cubs or not. I'd assume the biggest drop off in membership happens between Webelos II and Boy Scouts. It seems like that is the place to look. I think, too, that it's really easy for us, as adults, to look at the Tigers or Lions (or, really, even Wolves) programs and feel like they are watered down or babyish or whatever. But they don't feel that way to 5, 6, and 7 year olds. To them, they feel like a big deal. Our Lions had to do a service project for one adventure. It was right after winter storm Stella, so they spent an hour walking around a residential neighborhood and shoveling out fire hydrants. They were so excited. Now, empirically, that's not the most exciting project ever. But, if you are five, it apparently is! I'm also dubious of the idea that the older Cubs are bothered by younger kids being there. In my experience, they could care less. They aren't around them that much. They see them at Pack meetings, but those are pretty dull anyway. They are present at pack events (hikes, campouts, etc), but the older kids are doing their own thing while the younger kids do theirs. Unless the older kids seek it out, there isn't a lot of interaction.