My son began as a Tiger and recently recvd his Arrow of Light. The man who led his den was a terrific leader, my son made good friends and had a wonderful experience with Cub Scouts.
When it came time to select a Boy Scout Troop to join, his father and he attended, with his den, the meetings of several troops. Since all but one of the boys in his den went with a single troop, my son insisted on going to that troop as well. My husband was not very happy with that choice, but we allowed him to go with his friends.
My husband's objection to the troop was that he felt they had an anti-woman attitude he didn't want our son to pick up. I didn't take this very seriously at the time. After all, I thought, this is 2005 how anti-woman can they be?
At the first meeting the SM made a very big issue about the fact that they wanted absolutely no women on campouts and would prefer no women attended scout meetings as well. He told a few antedotes about women who had insisted on coming and had quickly stopped when they realized how very sincerely they were not wanted. How that had been communicated to them he didn't say.
I didn't care for that, but my son is soooo happy to be in the troop with his buddies and sooo proud to have been selected Patrol Leader, I told myself just to let it go.
Now it's time to go off on the first campout, a car campout. This troop camps 12-14 times a year.
My husband cannot attend because of his work schedule, but my son says he'd like me to go. So I told the SM I would like to go on the first campout only, just to get an idea of how things go and then I would stay home and let them do their "just the boys" thing. I am now persona non grata.
The single mother of another new scout told him she was going to go just this first time as well. She was planning to camp in her huge SUV rather than pitch a tent. He immediately told everyone they could use the cars to drop their equipment at the camp site, but must then park their cars a very long way from camp and not use them during the campout. When she didn't withdraw at that he announced that everyone must sleep in a tent and on the ground (no cots) and bring nothing into camp they couldn't fit in a back pack. The rules kept coming until the car campout planned by our supposedly boy led troop bore no resemblance to what the boys had planned.
Is this kind of thing common in the Boy Scouts? This SM doesn't even have a male child of his own, but has been leading this troop for almost 20 years because he says he just loves scouting. That seems like a very generous gift of his time, but does it give him the right to be so mean?
I don't know what to do. Easy enough to say I just won't go; my son might prefer to have me along this first time out, but he doesn't really need me; he's been on plenty of camping trips and knows how to pitch a tent, etc. But like my husband I am very disturbed by this anti-woman message that is being sent to my son. I can tough it out and go anyway, but I am concerned his unhappiness with me might be redirected toward my son.
Do I pull my boy away from his friends and look for another troop? Do I back meekly away and let the SM's bullying work? What message does that send to my son? I don't want to break his heart, but I don't want to turn him over to virtual strangers whose leader is causing me to question if he is decent role model for a young boy.
Anyone have any sage advice?
When it came time to select a Boy Scout Troop to join, his father and he attended, with his den, the meetings of several troops. Since all but one of the boys in his den went with a single troop, my son insisted on going to that troop as well. My husband was not very happy with that choice, but we allowed him to go with his friends.
My husband's objection to the troop was that he felt they had an anti-woman attitude he didn't want our son to pick up. I didn't take this very seriously at the time. After all, I thought, this is 2005 how anti-woman can they be?
At the first meeting the SM made a very big issue about the fact that they wanted absolutely no women on campouts and would prefer no women attended scout meetings as well. He told a few antedotes about women who had insisted on coming and had quickly stopped when they realized how very sincerely they were not wanted. How that had been communicated to them he didn't say.
I didn't care for that, but my son is soooo happy to be in the troop with his buddies and sooo proud to have been selected Patrol Leader, I told myself just to let it go.
Now it's time to go off on the first campout, a car campout. This troop camps 12-14 times a year.
My husband cannot attend because of his work schedule, but my son says he'd like me to go. So I told the SM I would like to go on the first campout only, just to get an idea of how things go and then I would stay home and let them do their "just the boys" thing. I am now persona non grata.
The single mother of another new scout told him she was going to go just this first time as well. She was planning to camp in her huge SUV rather than pitch a tent. He immediately told everyone they could use the cars to drop their equipment at the camp site, but must then park their cars a very long way from camp and not use them during the campout. When she didn't withdraw at that he announced that everyone must sleep in a tent and on the ground (no cots) and bring nothing into camp they couldn't fit in a back pack. The rules kept coming until the car campout planned by our supposedly boy led troop bore no resemblance to what the boys had planned.
Is this kind of thing common in the Boy Scouts? This SM doesn't even have a male child of his own, but has been leading this troop for almost 20 years because he says he just loves scouting. That seems like a very generous gift of his time, but does it give him the right to be so mean?
I don't know what to do. Easy enough to say I just won't go; my son might prefer to have me along this first time out, but he doesn't really need me; he's been on plenty of camping trips and knows how to pitch a tent, etc. But like my husband I am very disturbed by this anti-woman message that is being sent to my son. I can tough it out and go anyway, but I am concerned his unhappiness with me might be redirected toward my son.
Do I pull my boy away from his friends and look for another troop? Do I back meekly away and let the SM's bullying work? What message does that send to my son? I don't want to break his heart, but I don't want to turn him over to virtual strangers whose leader is causing me to question if he is decent role model for a young boy.
Anyone have any sage advice?
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