OMGOODNESS! You don't want to what?

[theysawyoucomin' 10]

ADVANCE.

 

My son crossed last February after tigers thru AOL.

He has camped for 21 nights, attended every overnight, backpacked a weekend in the rainy Adirondacks. Attends meetings, went to Camp this summer. Volunteered for Klondike derby team. Fairly self reliant, pithes a tent, sleeps out, can cook, swims like a fish, earned canoeing, and swimming MB, Starting lifesaving this week. Like Scouts. But doesn't want to advance.

 

Treating it with neglect right now, (he is 11 and 11 months) but I am kind of wondering if I'll have a 17 year old Scout canoeing the Allagash with his 14 year old patrol leader. I know it's all for him and what he wants. But really

I feel like I'm in a musical with a big Sheep dog named Nana singing the chorus of "I won't grow up"

 

Any advice here?

[eagle90 125]

So what's the problem? Your son has been in Scouts 9 months, has earned 2 rather difficult merit badges, is starting a very difficult badge, has attended every campout and other activities. SOunds like he is doing great! Advancement is on an individual basis. Let him alone - the light will come on one of these days, especially when his buddies are advancing.

 

And what is the matter with the 17 year old with a 14 year old PL? I have had many scouts attend all activities, summer camps, high adventures, and were just not interested in advancing beyond First Class and just not interested in leadership positions. So what? They are getting something out of the program, learning a lot, and enjoying themselves or they wouldn't still be there. If I were to become lost in the woods, I would rather have one of these boys with me than the 13 year old Eagle with 50 merit badges and no experience, common sense or street smarts.

 

Relax!

 

 

[OneHour 11]

... and I was waiting to read the part where he wants to quit scouting! ... and that part of your worries wasn't there ... so problem solved ... because there is no problem! As I have been telling my more aspired parents, let the boys enjoy scouting! This is not a race to Eagle scout.

 

Just this past weekend, we had a campout. Two night before we left, one of the patrols' grubmaster mom email another lady, cc me. She was contemplating about changing his menu because his patrol did not put a "cooking meal" in! She indicated that if they don't it will be a waste of an opportunity for advancement for her 12 years old second class! I promptly emailed back, stating that this is their patrol's decision when it comes to the menu. It was recommended that they cook but if they choose not to then it is their decision.

 

We have 3 scouts who got everything in order for their Eagle rank at the 11th hour on their 18th birthday. Before that, they were simply content being Life scouts and enjoy their time with the troop!

 

Look at how many of us who were scouts at our early days and never got eagle! I am one. Look at us now, back in scouting!

 

Trails to 1st Class should somewhat be structured to allow them opportunities to attain 1st class by end of 1st year, but we should not push the scouts. They tend to get disenchanted and ended up quitting if we do. I have seen it happened several young scouts who just join the troop.

 

On the flip side, if his interest in scouting is waning, then you need to figure out how to get him excited about scouting again. Most of the time, if the parent has fun with his/her son (ie. enjoy camping, hiking, teaching, etc.), the boy will enjoy scouting and the advancement will come naturally.

 

YIS,

 

1Hour

ps: My oldest is going on 15 and still a Life scout and has yet to have any urge to complete his mb requirements nor starts his project. My 2nd son is 12.5 and a second class. He, too, is not in a hurry to even get to 1st. One thing that they both do well is to enjoy the outdoor with me!(This message has been edited by OneHour)

[Beavah 205]

Smart kid, your 11 year old.

 

He realizes that all advancement is fake, eh? Yah, that's what I said: fake. It's a silly made-up adult exercise at hoop jumpin', that we use to help boys who aren't (yet) self-motivated.

 

Your boy seems pretty self-motivated. Out on every outin', workin' on his own to get good at canoeing, and swimming, and lifesaving, and camping, and cooking, and....

 

Your proper response, my dear old Owl, is to PRAISE HIM up the wazoo. Listen to his campout stories. Congratulate him on his tough, rainy weekends. Tell him how proud you are of all the things he's doin' that are WAY beyond what an average 11-year old can do. Let him be him.

 

My guess is that somewhere along the way, a friend will inspire him to compete a bit, or he'll realize he's the most capable and, well, leadership starts lookin' good, or da Philmont Crew requires that he's 1st Class, or just a sharp PL or SM will decide it's time to give him a gentle tug. Then suddenly he'll zip through ranks light lightnin'.

 

But even if not, who cares? Your job as a parent is just to celebrate and support who he is, eh? And he'll get just as much out of Scoutin' without takin' home patches.

 

[evmori 11]

What's the rush? Maybe he wants to enjoy Scouts learn. Not advance like an Indy car on the last lap! Nothing wrong with that. Keep encouraging his learning!

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[OneHour 11]

I forgot to tell you about a young man in our troop who started with our troop a little over two years ago. He didn't want to advance. He just wanted to go camping and have fun (goofed around and took nothing serious). He stayed at scout rank for over a year and at a stretch of 2 months, he stopped coming to the troop meeting. Then something happened, he came back and went at it like a bat out of hell at the rank advancements and got 1st class within that year. He took on leadership positions that at one point I thought that no one would trust him to do. Now in his third year in scouting, he is working on his Life rank and is doing great as one of the leaders ofthe troop.

 

Somewhere, sometimes, something will flip that logic switch for a boy! He becomes matured and takes on responsibilities, but if you talk to my wife, it has not happened to me!

[WDL Mom 10]

I understand! My 11 year old is the SAME way! He may be 18 before he reaches Tenderfoot.

 

Enjoys scouts, likes the activities, no follow through on any advancements. He has all the activities completed for a couple of merit badges, but won't finish up. AARGGH.

 

I remind, but I try so hard not to get on his case about it. I will be sure that he attends the next Court of Honor, maybe seeing his friends advance will kick him into gear.

 

It drives me nuts

[SSScout 1619]

uz2bowl:

"...doesn't want to advance..."

Boy, I wish all troops had a program that would involve their boys like your boys troop.

All at age 12? "Advance"? Hey, a little patience, mom. It'll come. And I feel you won't be able to prevent it.

 

Any siblings? What's the dads take on his son's prediliction for wanting to enjoy his Scouting career? Wow, there's a concept... ""ENJOY Scouting" Nice ring to that...

 

YiS

[jr56 92]

Don't get preoccupied with your son advancing. Let him enjoy scouting the way he wants to.

[Gonzo1 10]

You could have the TG or SPL causually ask for his handbook and review it, quiz him and sign off some things that he's done. Be patient.

 

[Lisabob 13]

Actually I don't recommend what Gonzo suggested in his last post. Maybe that would work in some places/troops. But it is not the responsibility of the TG and/or SPL to make sure a boy advances by periodically doing on-the-spot reviews. If we view advancement as a method and not an aim, then the question is, how does the method purport to help boys achieve the aims? Done right, advancement teaches many things beyond just the basic physical, tangible skills in question; follow-through, personal responsibility, and communication skills are among those.

 

What I think is reasonable, especially for new and young scouts, is to have the TG or SPL or ASM or SM have an occasional conversation with young scouts who are not advancing, in which encouragement and guidance are offered, if needed. Make sure the boys understand the process and how advancement in a troop differs from advancement in a cub pack (initiative shifts to the boy). Make sure the boys are aware of the opportunities the troop offers, and that there are sufficient opportunities available. If they aren't taking advantage of those, or if they are but just aren't bothering to get their books signed, find out why (maybe there's a problem, maybe not). But I don't believe you can do it for them and have advancement "work" as a method, in the way it should.

 

Lisa'bob

[Gonzo1 10]

LisaBob with the usual wisdom.

I didn't mean to suggest that the TG or SPL should always sign off advancement, but rather that they could show junior that some things had been earned and could be signed off.

 

Thanks for enlightening me.

jg

[Eagledad 2785]

Most moms go through this one way another. It's normal, at least with most of the moms in our troop.

 

I think there are two reasons for the anxiety and frustration; First I think most moms don't understand the process of the program. That's expected because you weren't a boy scout as a youth, so you don't know how the program works. Oh I know some have talk about how advancement, leadership, patrols and all that other stuff leads to character and Eagles, but it still can be a mystery for those who have not experience standing around the campfire on a cold night talking about the lastest movies and coolest cars. But scouting isn't series of seasons leading to win-loss record like soccer or baseball. Scouting is adventure that is designed for a boy to challenge his dreams and goals all the while learning the behaviors of a man, and not even realizing it.

 

The other problem is understanding the difference in each of your goals. Adults by nature are basically goal driven because survival depends on the success of where we are placed against the other guy. You likely see advancement as at measure of how your son is doing against the other guys. Or at least in reference to the group. Your son on the other has completely different goals. Stature is only important in that he be accepted by the group. Sticking out is risky because it could mean being out of the group. Boys around this age don't really want to stick out, but instead have fun sticking in the group.

 

Your son is lion cub looking to play with the other lion cubs. The last thing the lion cub wants is a serious thought about survival. Not that he isn't growing. He is camping in the wilderness, setting up his tent in the dark and taking care of himself. How many of his friends can brag about all that? He is certainly growing. You want a measurement of stature to see where he stands. He is not ready for stature because at this point in his life, it means little.

 

But that is coming. The time is coming quickly when his vision of life will change and stature will be very important. What you want at that point is for him to have all the tools that will help him succeed. That is where he is right now, learning those tools of being self sufficient, self productive and responsibile toward himself and others.

 

He's doing OK. Growing up into a man takes a little while. But I'm finding that it goes, went a little faster than I would have liked. My sons are men now.

 

I'm not one who believes that scouting is about only your son and you are on the sidelines quietly hoping he does OK. I look at scouting as one of many pieces mom puts in her puzzle of building a man fo her son. You should have an active interest in what your son gets out of the program. You should care and you should have expectations. As a scoutmaster, I tried to get to know the families of my scouts. Rarely did a family not know how things were going with his son in my troop. Good or bad, the parents were on top of it because I loved bragging about their son, and I begged for help when he struggled. I see the Scoutmaster as part of moms team for developing her son into a great man.

 

So you are not wrong in your anxiety of your son's scouting experience. You just don't understand what is expected of you and of him. So ask the questions, learn the program and have have patience. Advancement? Well that is an adult thing. Sitting around the campfire talking about the fish caught that day. That is his thing. That is scouting.

 

I love this scouting stuff.

 

Barry

 

 

[theysawyoucomin' 10]

ahh guys, I'm not a Mom.

But thank you for all the replies

 

Actually he started the Lifesaving MB last Thursday. He had fun.

Wednesday one of the ASM's took the "cherubs" aside and did some advancement. He's back on track and brought his book to school to get a sign off from the School Nurse.

[theysawyoucomin' 10]

 

Update.

 

The young man had his SM conference on Saturday for tenderfoot.

He was scared to talk to the SM, but made out fine. Actually lacking only one thing for second class.

 

He made alot of excuses to me about how he remembered none of

the requirements. I think alot of his lack of interest was that he genuinely feared the SM conference.

 

Afterwards he said, "That was easy"

I said, "Easy? Or did you know your stuff?"

 

Reply was, "Yeah I guess it was easy because I only got one question wrong."

 

I haven't told him about the "dreaded" BOR.