One that got away

[ch33rful]

I was a youth with discipline problems and did not complete the journey to Eagle. I was involved in Scouting until it was no longer convenient for me, and then I fell away. I was a very active Cub Scout and Webelos member, achieving the Arrow of Light, but boys are often peer-advanced in Cub Scouting. As a Boy Scout I was a lackluster member, possibly being a nuisance and not advancing quickly. I loved camping and held leadership positions but never very seriously endeavored to advance or succeed. I remember I wanted to stay involved but when it became too much work to get rides, etc, I stopped. I do not remember anything about the Order of the Arrow as a youth, and I do not believe my troop was involved with OA at all. In any case, I was never exposed to it. I have only a few memories of my experiences in the troop at that age and I'm not sure why, but most of my memories from those years are foggy. I mostly attribute this to the effects of time on the male brain.

 

I had a pretty good childhood and youth, having a lot of fun, but most of that fun was the easy kind of fun that requires little or poor character, with no regard for the consequences of action. There were no incidents of great seriousness, of course, but I definitely behaved in a way common among children without guidance or direction, or who resist such direction. No matter how much I desire it, I cannot change the mistakes of the past. You, the reader, might be wondering where I have set the bar for how well someone should do in their formative years. I set the bar precisely at that point where the youth stands head and shoulders above the majority of his generational peers. Eagle Scouts certainly do that.

 

Having returned to Scouting once my oldest was able to join Cubs, I have done some great things for youth and received some very prestigious awards, including the Silver Beaver. I am a Vigil Honor member of the Order of the Arrow. I have been to Jamboree and NOAC in leadership positions, and have completed Wood Badge, NLS and NLATS. I feel I am a good adviser and Boy Scout leader, and an effective leader overall in my personal and professional life as well.

 

Where as a youth I was an underachiever, as an adult I am an overachiever. It often occurs to me that I am trying to make up for the poor character and attitude I suffered as a youth. When attending events like Jamboree or Conclave, due to my relative immaturity, I am able to enjoy elements of those events from the perspective of a youth and it feels very good to take in some of what I missed during my actual younger years. I want to fit it and belong, and I love the Scouting movement. Scouting gives me the fit-in I desire, but often I compare myself to my fellows in Scouting who were very active and successful youth. When I make those comparisons, I fall short of the mark.

 

It's true that Scouting is inclusive. Even females, who couldn't have experienced Scouting as youths, are accepted. But somehow I know I don't quite measure up when I'm in a room full of Eagle Scouts and former youth Arrowmen. I work hard as an adult to try to erase my poor showing as a youth but no matter how highly people might think of me, I know too well that I was a poor example of a Scout as a youth and did not make the cut.

 

Now in my early forties, I tend to look back a lot and reflect. There is an aspect to my personality that very strongly wants to "belong" and be a part of something great like Scouting. I constantly strive for a greater role in everything I do, possibly because I crave the recognition that a senior person in the organization would experience, thus confirming that I belong. I believe I think this way because I think that recognition will somehow, no matter how minor, chip away at my poor showing in history.

 

I do not know why I have written all these things, except perhaps to get them off my mind. (Acknowledging ones thoughts and feelings can often be a cathartic process.) I continue my good works in Scouting, and continue my passion for helping youth attain greatness at an early age. With every one of them I help attain the rank of Eagle (over 15 so far) or entice to go to a sectional conclave or OA event, I feel I am easing some of the inadequacy I feel over my past because they will be able to live healthy adult lives without the shame that I bear. Its not as if their achievements are attributable to me, but if I can be a part of helping them get there, then I can "own" a little piece of it.

 

My purpose in posting what I have written is to hopefully inspire my fellow Scouters to take another look at the kid who doesn't listen and not let slip into history another one that got away.

[packsaddle]

Early 40's huh. If you think you're reflective now, just wait. Welcome to the forums.

[desertrat77]

ch33rful,

 

Thanks for the very thoughtful and frank post.

 

Sometimes the principles scouting take root right away, other times, years down the road. I say this from personal experience.

 

You were a full fledged member of the scouting family the minute you signed up.

 

Your contributions to scouting are far more important than any medal, bead, or knot.

 

Speaking as an Eagle, I think the prestige of that rank has been inflated over the years. Eagle scouts represent the same spectrum of any population, from overachievers, to average joes, to guys who just make you wonder.

 

However, the accomplishment represents but one chapter in life.

 

So if there are a room full of Eagles, I don't see what would make them superior to anyone else. Earning Eagle 5, 10, 20, 40 years ago doesn't not automatically earn a lifetime of adoration.

 

The scout oath and law in action--to me, that determines who is hitting the mark (or not) as a scouter.

 

Some of the finest scouters I've worked with are former Life, Star, First Class scouts.

 

It's not the doo-dads on the uniform, but the character of the wearer that counts.

 

The newest Tenderfoot scout, the most seasoned scoutmaster, the scout who earned every merit badge, the former Second Class scout now serving as a den leader, the mom serving as cub master, the CSE in Dallas--all stand on equal ground.

 

Best wishes!

 

Desertrat77(This message has been edited by desertrat77)(This message has been edited by desertrat77)

[Lisabob]

Welcome, and thanks. Your post goes to show that we never can know how much of a difference scouting makes in a boy's life, even for a boy who maybe wasn't involved for all that long, or who didn't do much in the way of advancement. At any rate, it is clear that scouting made an impact on you because otherwise, you probably wouldn't be so involved in scouting today. I hope you continue to find value in your scouting journey, and that you have fun watching your son(s) and other young men grow and change as they make the journey.

[SeattlePioneer]

Hello ch33,

 

 

Personally, I was a Cub Scout dropout after only a couple of months as a member. I remember den meetings circa 1958 with a Den Mother presenting cutesey craft projects to which I couldn't relate, and pack meetings with 200+ Cub Scouts sitting in rank after rank of dens in a school lunchroom at night.

 

Not my bag. But it has caused me to want active den meetings as a Cub Scout leader that would keep active boys engaged and interested.

 

Personally I think the Eagle rank is overrated, and the First Class rank is the most important. A Scout who has honestly earned the First Class rank has had a chance to learn the most important lesson of Scouting. After that it's more practice for the rest of your life.

 

Congratulations on your many successes as a Cub Scout, Boy Scout and Scouter!

 

 

[Eamonn]

A few months back I was talking with my uncle in England on the phone.

I was ranting on about something dumb that my son had done. My uncle started to laugh and reminded me about some of the dumb stuff that I'd done when I was my sons age.

After I put the phone down, I got to thinking about this.

For years I was known for preaching that we Scouters need to remember the stuff that we did as kids and try to not be too hard on Lads just because they are what they are. Yet there I was running my mouth.

I have been in Scouting a very long time, it has played a very big part in my life and making me the person that I am.

Still I'm not perfect and have just as many flaws as people who were never Scouts.

I know people who have come into Scouts and Scouting late in life and maybe because they see what we do and fail to do with fresh eyes, they have worked wonders.

I still like to think that becoming an Eagle Scout is a big deal and is worthy of something. Still I believe that there are lots of different reasons why Scouts become Eagles. Some belong to Troops where maybe the rank isn't really earned?

Some are pushed into it by all sorts of reasons.

My wife tried this with my son, reminding him that his uncle was an Eagle Scout and how far his Dad had gone in the UK. It was a kind of blackmail. That he didn't go for. He was OK being a Life Scout until he found out that Summer Camp Staffers who were Eagles got a $100.00 bonus just because they were Eagles!

I only became a Queen's Scout because I was with the right group of people who were friends of mine and we were having fun. In many ways I just kinda fell into it.

While of course we all get rewarded for what we have done. Still the most important part of being a Scouter lies with what we are going to do.

Please don't forget what it was like not to be a little angel, keep this in mind when you are dealing with our youth members, they just like you are not little angels, Scout uniforms don't come with holes for wings. They will fall down and do dumb things. Having someone who has been there and isn't too quick to judge and put them down is a gift.

You have it. But it's up to you how you put it to use.

Ea.

[qwazse]

Don't let the swagger of Eagles fool you. Most of us know that there was a bit of good timing, grace, and positive reinforcement that went into getting us our birds.

 

The best scout I ever knew aged out at 2nd class. When I was 12, he invited me to come join his troop.

[Gunny2862]

But did ch33rful really get away?

 

ch33rful is showing all of the qualities we want in our Eagles - without the award.

 

I struggle with this myself as a Leader, one whose own son may choose not to complete the Journey to Eagle.

On one hand, he's a great kid. Active in his Community, his Spiritual life, his Troop. Well regarded by Adults and Youth, always commended on any job (paid or volunteer) he takes on. Multiple Varsity letters in Multiple Sports although only a Sophomore. Sought after member of our Council Camp as a Staff member. Decent but not stellar grades. Kind, Thoughtful, Introspective, Protective of others.

 

And yet somehow I feel I will have failed him if he chooses not to complete his Scouting career without that esteemed award... even though I know parents who would love to know how we got him to be who he is - as he is.

 

ch33rful - I have to think it is ultimately about who we are and who we become and not necessarily about the Awards or recognition we receive. After all, it's a game with a purpose - after arriving at a place of evaluation, if we find we have character - does it matter that we don't have a symbol from someone else recognizing it?

[Tampa Turtle]

Too much emphasis on the Eagle: I want my boys to learn good skills, be good citizens, and have fun.

 

I feel insecure too. I was "asked to leave" the Webelos during the Vietnam war when a den leader did not believe in dissent. We never camped and it was boring but now have to learn all of these skills for the first time with the boys.

[SeattlePioneer]

Hello Tampa,

 

 

To learn recommended BSA camping methods, there is a program for Boy Scout Troop leaders called IOLS -- Introduction to outdoor leadership skills, and a similar program for Webelos leaders. These let you experience the patrol method and introduce you to various teaching methods and camping skills.

 

Generally it's a very good way to be introduced to Scout camping methods and skills, which can be quite fifferent than family camping.

 

Secondly, there BALOOO training for Cub Scout leaders --- Basic Adult Leader Outdoor Orientation, which teaches basic methods for Cub Scout Pack camping, such as cooking skills, safety, organizing activities and such.

 

These are good introductions to Scout camping skills and methods.

[Tampa Turtle]

Thanks Seattle,

 

Have done BALOO and am pretty trained up but not for ITOLS. Gonna catch up at Summer Camp I hope. I have pretty much have had to learn everything from scratch since Tigers. Scouts is harder than Cubs as in Cubs it was easier to keep ahead of the boys. In Boy Scouts some of the boys are really good at the skills --firemaking and knots-- that it is hard for me to practice because of work and church commitments. My scout widow wife balks at me taking extra weekends for training.

 

I read and research a lot on the subjects but that is no substitute for doing. I may always feel a bit insecure the hunter/former scout adults. That said the newbie dads all think I know everything. And so it goes.

[qwazse]

Gunny And yet somehow I feel I will have failed him if he chooses not to complete his Scouting career without that esteemed award... even though I know parents who would love to know how we got him to be who he is - as he is.

 

The opposite is true. Parental success is having provided opportunities.

 

My daughter is not going to earn a single venturing award. She is definitely Silver material, but from outside of scouting, opportunities are being handed to her because she's bright and hard working. They are to good to pass up. Awards aside, she is area/regional/maybe even national cabinet material, but she feels she won't have time for office. Have I failed her? No way! Venturing has let her know there are some great people out there who see her as a leader.

 

Will she look back and regret not focusing on a couple of awards? Maybe. But she'll know that neither I nor our council VOA advisor ever shortchanged her.

[Gunny2862]

Thanks qwazse, that's the avenue I've been thinking. That just like the rest of the boys, it's not my award, just my responsibility to make sure they had the opportunity to get there.