Sit downs with parents

[Beavah]

I have a troop where my step son attends where the father is paying his son $50.00 per merit badge and $100.00 for Star, $200.00 for Life and $400.00 for Eagle.

 

Yah, so what's a SM to do with this, eh?

 

I'm wonderin' how often we need to have sit-downs with parents. Parenting is a hard thing, and doesn't come with a manual, eh? And in creativity or desperation, folks will try the most interestin' approaches.

 

Anybody found good ways to address somethin' like this?

 

How do you go about it in a way that's non-threatening and has a shot at gettin' through?

 

And who gets to have those conversations? Often da SM is "just another parent," when really yeh might need a minister or grandfather figure, eh?

 

Beavah

 

[scoutldr]

My immediate response is "MYOB". It's a family matter how a parent raises their kids, as long as there's no abuse. I bought my sons cars when they graduated high school (used, not new). Not sure that's anyone else's business, quite frankly.

 

But I'll see what the others say.

[Eagle92]

$400 for eagle, kinda cheap. We had one dad, a specialist in the medical field (neuroology i bleive), told his son he could have hte car od his choice when he got eagle.

 

Interestingly enough he earned 62 MBs, but never did his project before he turned 18. And he didn't get teh 'Vet of his dreams either.

[Mike F]

Unless the parent asks for advice on how to handle something, these things get onto very thin ice.

 

A few years ago, I had a sit-down with parents who had decided to ground their son from Scouts due to a discipline problem at school. Needless to say, he was a discipline problem in Scouts, too, but we dealt with it. I tried to reason with the parents and managed to avoid asking them if they were grounding him from church youth group, too, because that's another thing that was good for him which he enjoyed. I did warn them he would turn it on them and eliminate Scouts as a weapon they could use by saying he wanted to quit Scouts. Sure enough - only took a week. Hurt feelings all around, but after the power-play settled down, he came back.

 

I now bring up this example during new parent orientation and keep my mouth shut unless asked.

[eisely]

Paying a son for merit badges and rank advancement seems a little tacky, but what is really wrong with a parent adding their own recognition and a tangible reward for such achievements? I would stay completely away from this unless the parents specifically sought my advice. Even if they did ask I am not all sure what I would say. The amounts involved seem pretty minor.

 

My greatest concern would be the possible impact on the rest of the troop if it became a competitive thing among the boys and other parents.

[Twocubdad]

I've offered my boys $25 for every post-Eagle merit badge. Shoot, on an hourly basis that's way cheaper than a movie.

 

After six years at summer camp my oldest son was one MB short of a silver palm when he earned Eagle. My Life scout is a couple required MBs away and has all the elective MBs he needs. I figure this is cheap incentive to explore some topics they may not otherwise -- one of the original purposes of the MB program which has been ruined by merit badge mad summer camps, IMHO.

 

That said, I do have a couple families playing the no-drivers-license-until-you-make-Eagle game. I have let it be known that I don't think much of that. But expressing an opinion is about all I can do.

[eghiglie]

My son will be allowed to get a DL with or without eagle.

 

He is not getting a car till he grads HS, more because he must focus on school than a job to support a car. He will be allowed to use the family cars with a lot of rules.

 

We pay him for good grades, he gets 4 report cards a year, All A's is worth $150, A and B's is worth $100. Passing the state promotion test every year is worth $100. Last year he got about $600 from me.

 

[scoutldr]

I asked my dad once, "what will I get if I get all A's"...he response..."you get to NOT be on restriction".

[Eagle732]

The only thing I remember ever getting for good grades was when I was in elementary school my dad gave me a 1922 silver dollar for getting a good report card. I don't think it had so much to do with the good grades as it was that dad just wanted me to have it. I still have it today. My son got a cell phone after several good report cards(he's always been on the Honor Roll) but we wanted him to have a phone anyway. For Scout advancements my son gets praise and encouragement, not pressure or money. His incentive is that he wants to beat his old man in getting Eagle. I am not encouraging this but he has said he wants to earn it at an earlier age than I did (14 years, 3 ,months).

[engelmier]

The only problem I can see with this is when other scouts get wind of it and try to get their parents to do the same. "Johnny's parents pay him $x.xx for every merit badge."

Even if some parents would like to do this as incentive, some families just can't afford it, especially in today's economy.

 

Little Johnny should be told it is a family decision and if other scouts hear of it, the deal is off.

[BrentAllen]

What does the SM do with this?

 

As SM, I have sit-down with the parents and discuss... my commission! If Junior is getting paid, what about the poor old SM? I'm doing all the work, after all! :-)

 

In all seriousness, I wouldn't be fond of such a plan, but it is between the Scout and his parents. I would hope the Scout wouldn't need such incentives to advance, but we are all different.

[SMT224]

I try to interact with parents on a regular basis -- usually just to let them know how their son did on a recent activity. Usually this communication takes only 1-5 minutes, and 95% positive.

 

For example, our QM did an outstanding job of cleaning up and organizing the Scout room at the Troop meeting last week. At the end of the meeting, when his mom arrived to pick him up, I told her how well he had done and how much his work will help the Troop. She was delighted to hear this and left feeling very proud of her son.

 

I also make a point to talk to parents of new Scouts when we get back from a campout to let them know how he did. This gives me a chance to talk to them and listen to their concerns and assure them things are ok. Again this is usually positive 95% of the time.

 

Once I've spoken the parental units several times on positive matters it's much easier to speak to them on a more challenging issue should it arise. Usually I will state this in terms of my concern and let them know what happened and what the repercussions are. Luckily this doesn't happen that often, but as SM, I have to be ready to lay it clear for the parents and let them know exactly what the situation is.

 

Unfortunately the "drop-and-go" parents are hardest to communicate with as I rarely see them at Troop meetings, and even after a camping trip. They pull up and expect their son to hop in the car with his equipment and off they go. When there is a behavioral problem, these are the kids who just stop coming and I never know what happened.

 

[Mike F]

SMT224 - you've probably brought up the most valuable point about sit-downs with parents - get the lines of communication open early with honest praise and recognition. Find the opportunity. If parents aren't around post-meeting/campout, an occasional 4-line email only takes a minute. Not as good as a real conversation, but better than nothing.

[raisinemright]

Our troop just decided to do an incentive to encourage the scouts to earn badges outside of summer camp. There are about 50 partials from the last two years plus a few others.

 

For each badge completed since hte last COH till Dec. 15, the scout will earn one ticket or two tickets for eagle required badges. The tickets will go into a drawing for a $50 REI gift card.

[walk in the woods]

Yeah, I'm with scoutldr on this one, not my business.