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Vipers!! (update on my sitch)

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  • #16
    Thanks, Mom! lol

    ScoutNut, the mom who went to see the pastor called me last night, and told me what she'd told the pastor (and the COR, whom the pastor had gotten to join them). This mom is an awesome lady, and she explained everything to both men much better than I could have. And she expressed to them that my sense of urgency is because I feel responsible, but that she and her husband, both as an ADL and a parent, DID feel that the CC is behaving wildly outside the position.

    She helped them understand the feelings of herself as an ADL, the Cubs (she has a Wolf), and also what some of the parents have said to her about the timbre that the CC sets. And as Mom2 said above, it's the tone/timbre of the gatherings that are the important thing. If the boys aren't having fun, what's the point?

    Wolf mom got the pastor and COR to understand that something must be done, because it's driving people away. Their response was that we would need to go through "due process", talk to the Dist Exec about protocol, give the CC the chance to explain her methods to the pastor, etc...

    All of which is fair. At least the CO is now *involved* and paying attention. The pastor and COR are going to assign someone from the church (besides me) to the Committee, so that they have some influence on THEIR Pack.

    So Wolf mom left me with the encouragement that 1) I'm not crazy; there really is a problem, 2) I'm not alone; my concerns have been heard. And I think that's what relieves me the most, simply that someone has listened. Poor Cassandra--out of mythology. Doomed to reveal the truth and be thought insane.

    Then Wolf mom told me to hang up the phone, mix an adult beverage, forget all about Cub Scouts for 2 weeks, and have a good Christmas. She's a good friend. :0)

    Edited for typo(This message has been edited by annlaurelb)


    • #17

      Hang in there. Adults can really screw things up. We had a our big defectors "crisis" at our Troop and I lost sleep a few nights over it. Didn't want to but did. I guess that is the cost of caring.

      We have had a few confrontations but things are working out better. Would not have thought so at the time. So I will pray that these folks in your pack see the light. Hang in there; keep your focus on the boys.


      • #18
        Ann, from one who has been a CM, DL, CC and SM, you have shown far more patience than can be expected from a volunteer. Being faced with that behavior at a Pack Meeting (that I was supposed to be in charge of), I would have, without a word, handed the microphone over and walked out the door, and never looked back. The woman is obviously on a power trip, or worse, suffering from a personality disorder, and no volunteer is obligated to spend their free time dealiing with such people. Bless you...but as Dear Abby used to say, "if you don't like being a doormat, you need to quit lying down in front of the door."


        • #19

          I hesitated to make Papadaddy's point since obviously you decided to stay. Buy yeah at a certain point in these situations you either:

          (a) Stay and have the confrontation (fight)
          (b) Move to another pack (flight)
          (c) Stay and work around it (Deal)

          I am hoping your CO will do something or some of the parents. It is a shame what is going on. Good luck with whatever your choice is.


          • #20
            I nominate AnnLaurelB's post for post of the year. While I sympathize with her plight, that was one funny post to read!


            • #21
              Ouch! I never understand why Adults in Scouting can't get the principle of Friendly, Curteous, Kind.
              When I train new adult leaders, I look them in the eye, and say "You will run into someone with whom you do not get along. It WILL happen. Don't QUIT. Work around them, or with them or without them." I'll be interested to hear about the Christmas parade. Rejoice! She's promised NOT to participate. You can really enjoy the boys.


              • #22
                Because this has not been stressed enough...

                Now that the COR and IH are involved and if you are not exaggerating and it is really as bad as you say...

                If this is not resolved to the satisfaction of you and your supporters... here is the best advice anyone can give...

                GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes that is shouting, with arms flailing)

                If the COR and IH do not fix this, there is nothing you can do. Take yourself, any sons, and anyone willing to follow to a new pack. Don't hesitate!

                First and foremost, do what is right by you and yours. Do not hold on to a sinking ship.

                That being said, hope it works out.


                • #23
                  My favorite quote from August 2011

                  "Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. I don't think this gal has a control issue, but she did describe herself as kind of a "balls-to-the-wall" kind of worker. "


                  • #24

                    I think this has been discussed in the past...I hate to leave a sinking ship. But I know when I switched packs I ended up a lot happier, appreciated, and less frustrated.


                    • #25
                      Y'all are cracking me up! Thanks for all the encouragement. I am by nature an ostrich; I DON'T LIKE CONFRONTATION! (in Rex voice) So I tend to grit my teeth and say nothing.

                      When the other mom told me what she'd told the pastor and the COR, I knew (and was relieved) that I wasn't exaggerating (embellishing for entertainment? Sure. But exaggerating? Naw!)

                      The pastor is out of town for the next week; the Committee meeting is Jan 5th. I hope that he and the COR can have a Come To Jesus of some sort before that day.

                      Over the weekend, I got confirmation that two of my favorite families are quitting because they don't like the changes in the Pack. I've emailed my Commissioner, asking for his recommendation for a nearby Pack with a strong Webs program, since my son is a Bear.

                      Either these 3 gals need to be gone by Jan 5, and new AL names in the hands of the Council, or I have to walk away.

                      When you're right, you're right. :0)


                      • #26
                        Yep, just go. Your time is too short with your son to allow people like this to waste it. Make the switch & you'll likely be a lot happier. And then, your son (and you) can just enjoy the program for what it is supposed to be, without all this extra drama.


                        • #27
                          Okay Ann, I think we all need an update. How did the committee meeting go?

                          -- AK


                          • #28
                            Your CC needs to be informed that every time she takes on a responsibility of a CM, she is abdicating her role of a CC. And, that's not good for the pack.

                            You need to make clear that you will call her on every negative comment with a "Madame, you are out of order." Say it's nothing personal, but her boys are going to cross over to boy scouts, and if they have it in their heads that they can buck the SPL publicly at every juncture, they might find themselves scrubbing more latrines then they ever knew existed.

                            Pack meeting is your hour. Committee meeting is hers. W2 den meeting is hers.

                            Regarding prayers, you could always reply "But, ma'am, we ought not to keep God waiting!"

                            Of course let your IH know that there's this tension and uncertainty going on. Let him also know that the boys seem to be having a lot of fun.


                            • #29
                              I spun a thread off about this (I can't remember why, now, exactly). But in an ironic twist, SHE brought ME up on what she called "infractions", and she told me that I had 60 days to do blah, blah, blah...or ~face removal as CM~.

                              I emailed my Commissioner, and my Scout Exec, who both called me the next day and said, "WHA...?!?" They reassured me that 1) she does NOT have the authority to censure/punish/fire people, and 2) Both of those gentlemen, and both of THEIR higher-ups agree that *I* need to stay in place here, not she.

                              That said, I have been in contact with the Pack (and the Troop) leaders in the next county over, and told them we are in ...transition... over here. Worst case scenario, they will be more than happy to hook up with us and provide a Pack home, if necessary. :0)


                              • #30
                                Tell "Sarge" to put the charges in writing and copy the COR. You will then review it with him to see if any actions are warranted in light of the CO's vision.

                                If she things any of your "offenses" are actionable, remind her that she is *obliged* to report them to the SE and the authorities immediately. There is no "60 day" warning period.

                                Most commishes want to keep direct-contact leaders in their positions. So, you can expect the "warm fuzzies" from them when you talk to them.