Choosing my religion

[Hunt 11]

"To suggest that denominations share common truth is to invite anything other than toleration. They write whole theological libraries and build seminaries to house and discern the differences no matter how small. They won't even share the same building, so the competition becomes one of size and facility for the varied activities."

 

I might agree with this statement if you had used the word "religions" in the first sentence. If by "denominations" you mean Protestant denominations, not so much. I can tell you as a Methodist that essentially zero time is spent by the clergy distinguishing the theological beliefs of Methodism from other Protestant denominations. Most church members probably couldn't tell you what the differences between Methodists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, and others are--they tend to be fairly arcane (such as the Presbyterians' belief in predestination--which doesn't affect anybody's actual behavior). They might be able to tell you that Baptists don't practice infant baptism, and are "more conservative," but that's about it. At the other end of the spectrum, they might tell you that Episcopalians are "more like Catholics," but probably wouldn't be too clear on what doctrinal differences that involves.

The distinctions between Protestants and Roman Catholics are more clear-cut, and remain controversial, but even there there is agreement on many key beliefs.

[packsaddle 753]

My fractured classification (apologies in advance ):

Baptists: no alcohol, no dancing, no cards or gambling, tend to work for Presbyterians, seem to hate Unitarians, fear of humor, special pre-occupation with hell.

 

Pentecostals: no alcohol, no dancing outside of church, no gambling, great language skills, love of reptiles and loud music, never heard of Unitarians

 

Methodists: dancing and alcohol OK in moderation, have sense of humor, equivocal on gambling, don't care about Unitarians

 

Presbyterians: dour, dark, bank presidents, fatalistic, no sense of humor whatsoever, drink in private, like to employ Baptists (go figure)

 

Episcopalians: eat fish and chicken (oops, that's 'pisco-pollons'), alcohol in church, gambling in church, dancing, great sense of humor, (hey, where do I sign up?)

 

Unitarian Universalists: like to argue and question everything, perpetual identity crisis, likely to be scientists or academics, alcohol and dancing anywhere and anytime, seem to like everyone, great sense of humor

 

Catholics: mysterious, incantations, holy smoke, holy water, also like alcohol and bingo, pageantry, The Pope, humor understandable only to other Catholics, until recently considered the Earth as the center of the universe

 

Moslems: (hope this doesn't put me on a hit list) seem to pray a lot, no alcohol, dominated by men, poorly understood by other religions, sense of humor, great food.

 

Lutherans: they like the upper midwest, enjoy alcohol at home and at family bars, well-adapted to cold weather, still hung up on the Catholic church, seem to like to stand up and sit down a lot in church services. Not much humor (that could be a midwest thing), boring food.

 

Buddhists: Introspective, seeking inner enlightenment, prayer fires, chants, seem to like baldness, alcohol OK. Great sense of humor, great tea.

 

Hinduism: reincarnation, polytheism (too many to mention), sacred cows, chants, mysterious, peaceful, wonderfully interesting food.

[GernBlansten 10]

Not sure about the others Pack, but you nailed my Lutheran upbringing to a T!

[Trevorum 24]

Im never certain how I should be classified, but Id like to take issue with your typology; it has absolutely no scientific merit. I'll have to have a beer and debate this endlessly with my friends.

 

(oops, I guess that makes me a Unitarian Universalist... )

[SSScout 1622]

Wooo... Invigorating dip... up the ladder for another dive in...

Perhaps this thread should be titled "Choosing YOUR religion" ?

Beaver: Thank you.

Fuzzy: I offer another quote. I like it when someone much wiser than me speaks my mind...

"The humble, meek, merciful, just, pious and devout souls are everywhere of one religion; and when death has taken off the mask they will know one another, though the diverse liveries they wear here make them strangers."

== William Penn == 1644-1718

YiS

[packsaddle 753]

Hi Gern, I dated a Lutheran (female) for a while until her minister told her she was going to hell. That scared me a little...you know - the guilt and association thing...but not until I had attended quite a few sermons and homecoming meals, etc. It was nice though (except for that hell part). Fun girl though.

 

I would have included Jews but there are almost as many kinds of Jews as there are flavors of Protestantism. Ashkenazy Jews, Hassidic Jews, Conservative Jews, Reformed Jews, Basic Jews, Acidic Jews, Hermetic Jews...no telling how many. OK, some of those are fictitious but they sounded good. Anyway, I didn't know enough to try to characterize them...so I didn't.

 

Trevorum, Beer...did you mention beer? I'd like to join the discussion...

I'd even try to get in touch with my feminine side if it would help...I keep getting that suggestion from women for some reason...I just wish I knew what it meant.

 

[Trevorum 24]

(apologies to my friends in advance!)

 

pack, that reminds me of the old pagan joke (I should let DanKroh tell this one): "Discussing religion with a Baptist is Hell".

 

{rim shot}

[funscout 11]

I was raised Presbyterian, and I don't recall anyone who fit Packsaddle's description. Our Youth Group was the most popular one in town, and every Wednesday night, we had kids from all over town, from all denominations join us. I don't think they would have shown up if we were a dark, serious, humorless bunch! I don't know of any Presbyterian bank presidents, either.

 

Funny, isn't it, how we all have our own perceptions. One of my friends didn't learn until she left home for college, that Catholics weren't any better than the rest of us! She said it was a real eye-opener for her.

 

[acco40 95]

Q) How come Baptists don't have sex standing up?

 

A) Someone might think they're dancing!

 

Catholics have it figured out. You go to the church depending on your location. No shopping involved. Now, if they could only find some Priests under the age of 65.

[GernBlansten 10]

Acco, here's a somewhat cleaner version of your "joke".

 

Q) How come Baptists won't stand up in a canoe?

 

A) Someone might think they're dancing!

 

and my personal favorite...

 

Jews don't recognize Jesus as their personal saviour,

Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.

[Trevorum 24]

OK, since we're telling jokes on religions, I'll tell one on my own...

 

 

 

Q: How come there are no Unitarian Universalists in Heaven?

 

A: Because on the way to the Pearly Gates there are two signs, pointing in different directions. One sign says, "This way to Heaven", and the other says, "This way to discussions about Heaven." ...

[Fuzzy Bear 12]

In an overwhelming effort of conciliation and toleration the change of wording was quietly contemplated and it was finally decided that it made little difference. So, it was decided, out with "denominations" and in with "religions".

 

So, it was rectified.

 

To suggest that religions share common truth is to invite anything other than toleration. They write whole theological libraries and build seminaries to house and discern the differences no matter how small. They won't even share the same building, so the competition becomes one of size and facility for the varied activities.

 

I have known several bankers and none were Presbyterian.

I did know one Quaker and she was studying to be a banker.

I suppose it was just a matter of time before she saw the light.

 

FB

 

[OldGreyEagle 5]

Hey now trev ol' buddy, don't be dissin' the Unitarian Universalists else they may come and burn a question mark in your front lawn

[Trevorum 24]

heh, heh ... not worried, OGE. We wouldn't get that far. We'd bog down in the arguments about whether burning the question mark into living grass is environmentally acceptable, and whether a question mark really conveys the message, and whether our purposes wouldn't be better served by direct confrontation and debate. Ultimately, we'd disperse and continue the discussion over a few beers.

[OldGreyEagle 5]

better watch those beers as well, you have a few and someone pulls out some bingo cards and before you know it a K of C meeting could break out