What to do with this boy?

[kittle]

I have a WebII that has no desire to be at meetings, is disruptive, and won't participate. At the meeting this evening, I asked the boys what their goal was for the last few months that they would be in Cub Scouts. One Scout spoke up that his goal was to earn his AOL and join a Troop. This other boy said that he had no goals for Scouting and didn't want to be there. He doesn't have his Webelos badge yet because he won't make out a menu to finish Fitness. When I ask him about it, he just tells me that he doesn't want to do it. It has been over a year since the other boys finished this.

 

We are working on the Communicator pin this month. The boys were going to work on a code. This boy told me that he didn't want to do it. I let him sit there and do nothing. I even asked him to look at the requirements for the pin and tell me which he would like to do and told him that maybe he could help to plan it. He sat and read the requirements while the other 2 boys were working in the code. After he got done reading it, he told me that nothing in it looked good.

 

This isn't the first meeting or activity that he refused to take part in. I try to plan meetings that will hold the boys interest, that will teach them something and that aren't boring. When even just one boy doesn't want to participate, it makes it hard for me to concentrate on the other boys who do want to.

 

At the end of the meeting, I asked this boy why he even comes to the meetings. He responded by telling me that he only comes because his mom makes him.

 

The boys mom and dad both know that he doesn't want to be there. But they are making him attend anyway. She even made him go to church camp last summer even though he didn't want to.

[theysawyoucomin']

Maybe one more suggestion:

 

Ask him if there is any activity or game that he would like to lead.

 

Give him a very short leash. Let him prepare an activity of his choice, you get the materials. Sometimes taking ownership can change things. Of course have a fall back plan if that doesn't work.

 

Short of that, sit down with the parents and the boy and get them talking. Ask the parents what their hopes for the boy are. Ask the boy what he wants.

Does he like you?

Will he open up to you?

Let mummy and daddy know we ain't baby sitters of America.

 

 

If the boy is disruptive it's time to vote him off the island.

 

You can't save everybody. Even though we all want to.

I'll pray for you and this boy.

[ScoutNut]

I agree. You need to sit down, ASAP, with the boy & his parents & discuss the situation. He is not getting anything out of the program.

 

If the parents AND the boy are OK with him just sitting there, not being disruptive, & simply taking up space until the rest of the boys cross over then YOU need to decide if you want to be his babysitter for the next 2.5 months.

 

If he is disruptive at a meeting you should give the parents a call & have them pick him up immediately. No if, and's or buts.

 

This is silly. The boy is not happy, you are not happy, the only ones happy are the boys parents. They are getting a free hour out of it, of course they are happy.

 

 

[evmori]

Maybe, just maybe the parents are making the boy go to meetings because he wanted to be a Webelos at the beginning of the year and has changed his mind since? And maybe, just maybe the parents are making him go to meetings because they are trying to teach him if you sign up for something you must see it through? Same thing could have happened with church camp?

 

Letting kids quit because they don't like it teaches them nothing about commitment.

 

Ride this kid out till the end of the year. You can only be there for the one who want to be there.

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

A blessed Christmas to all

[Scoutndad]

IMHO...you only have a few months left...there is little left for you to do.

 

The meeting with the parents should have been a long time ago (similar to progress reports in school) but speaking with them now to let them know where he is in Cub Scouts and where he needs to be in Boy Scouts will not be an easy discussion and I would bet that the parents will not be surprised about what you have to say.

 

The other ideas are great ideas, but now there is simply no incentive left for the WEBEII to do anything and he knows it. I have a feeling that even if you give him the responsibility to lead an activity or the group, he will not step up (just a hunch)but you might try it.

 

I wish there was an easy answer, but with a few months left, there is not much you can do.

Leaders are not trained counselors nor babysitters and this boy is obviously a distracted youth with authority issues.

 

What I would do is require one or both parents to stay in the room for the remaining den meetings that you have. If they can not commit, then little Johnnie should not be allowed to attend the meetings. If he does not want to earn the Webelos badge OR contribute, not sure why he is there in the first place.

 

Make it enjoyable for your remaining scouts who have thrived, contributed and reaped from the program and let little Johnnie get professional help that he desparately needs.

 

You have had a tough issue to contend with and my prayers are with you on this.

[SemperParatus]

I smell a teaching moment.

 

As this boy grows into a man, he will have to do many things that he does not necessarily enjoy. Many times because someone else requires him to do it (a parent, a teacher, an employer, the government, his own kids). He needs to learn to accept this fact and deal with such situations in a mature manner (i.e., suck it up and get r' done). This situation is a perfect opportunity - he does not want to be there, but his parents are making him. Make the most of it with patience and understanding, sharing with him the lesson he is learning about life and how his response and attitude is all that stands in the way of either being miserable or cheerful. Our heavens and hells are only inches apart.

 

With a couple of months to go, I would not seek his ouster but rather embrace the challenge of imparting knowledge and working through a difficult situation. Who knows, you may actually make an impact on him. His learning how to effectively deal with such situations will be much more important than earning the Communicator pin.

 

Of course, truly disruptive behavior needs to be addressed with the parents, requiring immediate pickup or their attendance at meetings.

[Torveaux]

I guess it is getting late for much on this, but here are my 2 cents.

 

I try to learn what the boys are into outside of Scouting as well as inside. Perhaps if part of the program dovetailed with his interests, he would be more willing to help out.

 

I have one or two boys who really love charades. Ever since the first den meeting that we did charades for Wolf or Bear, these guys have loved it. I use the chance to do charades as a carrot for getting other things done.

 

As mentioned by the others, this is a parent thing that needs to be addressed early. I understand and appreciate parents that are willing to force their kids to participate in things that are good for them rather than simply what they want to do. The problem may be a babysitting thing, but it may be that they just do not understand the degree to which he is 'checked out'. I usually have 1 or more parents at any given den meeting. Does this boy act the same if a parent is there? Sometimes the parents are not on the same page. I have one boy that snaps right in line for dad, but mom is too wishy washy with him. Other boys are more apt to do it for mom.

[kittle]

After taling to this boy's mother and finding our some other information, I have come to a decision. I found out that this boy is having a rough time in several areas right now. I told hid mother that if he didn't want to participate he could just sit there. But if he was disruptive, I would have to send him home.

[MarkS]

Some advice for the advisors...

 

Assuming the boy only has a couple of months left is premature. He may not age out of cub scouts that soon. It certainly doesn't look like he'll get his AOL at 10 so he can crossover.

 

If he turns 11 in June, he'll be in Cub Scouts until he completes fifth grade. It sounds like he'll be the only boy in his den to not crossover, so the pack, his parents, and den leader will need to make some choices. Does he stay in the pack or is that it? If he stays in the pack, he and his den leader would likely have to particpate with the first year Webelos during their den meetings working on special activities just to advance in rank. I know I wouldn't be looking forward to planning and preparing activities for one boy for the next five months to get him a Webelos and AOL badge so he can crossover when it's something he does not want to do.

 

If I were his den leader, I'd cross my fingers, check his age, and pray he's 11, or I'd be making his parents aware that I had no intention leading the boy after crossover. You're avoiding the problem now. When he's the only one left, you won't be able to.

 

Someone said as he grows into a man he'll have to learn to do things he doesn't like. Well he's not a man, he's a fifth grade boy. Scouting is an extracurricular activity. I don't require my kids to do extracurricular activities they don't like (well, unless it was swimming--too important a life skill). It's a bad idea.(This message has been edited by MarkS)

[kittle]

Mark,

 

You are right in thinking this boy will be in Cub Scouts until the end of 5th grade. But so will one of the other 2nd year Webelos. I am also the Web I den leader, so they will have a group to meet with. I am not going to plan special for this boy, but the opportunities have been there and will be until the end of the year.

 

I also don't have a child in Cub Scouts at the moment and won't have for a couple more years. I have only stayed on as den leader because they couldn't get anyone else to. After next year, and working with the now Web I (there is only 1 of them), I am going to take a much needed break. If next year's Webelos leader will take this boy on, I will get a break sooner.

[MarkS]

kettle,

 

Sounds like you have a plan in place. Good deal. Though if you are unable to invigorate his interest, I expect it will be a frustrating experience once the focus is more on him.