AlphaCentauri

They are girls who are registered as girl scouts but who don't have access to a troop -- for instance, in rural areas. They can participate in council events and cookie sales, and work on the scout program on their own with guidance from a parent, etc. ("Juliette" was Juliette Low, who founded the Girl Scouts).

Oh, the Girl Scouts get pretty loosey goosey too... One thing I've noticed is that the badge requirements are very complicated. They don't expect girls to do them independently. They do them in groups at badge workshops or at summer camp. But then everyone sort of is herded along and gets a badge at the end, and rarely do the girls really do six requirements in as much detail as the badge book spells out. And the council sponsored events do it just as much as the activities done by one troop. I'd like to see the requirements in the book reflect the reality -- girls do have fun and learn a lot in the current system, but are discouraged from pursuing interests on their own if they read the badge book.

I had also ridden many miles on my bike, fallen several times, but never injured anything a helmet would have protected. I frankly couldn't imagine my ever going fast enough to fly headfirst over the handlebars and hit the top of my head. I only started wearing one when my kids got bikes, because I feel it is dumb to tell kids to do something that is a good idea and then make it conditional on their being under a certain age. Well, last month I took my first spill since beginning to wear the helmet. My foot got caught and I couldn't jump off the seat as I fell; the tire slid sideways and was the center of an arc that my head followed as it slammed the ground. I was moving at minimal speed, just circling waiting for my companion to catch up. But even so I got a mild concussion. I'm glad the helmet took a lot of the impact, because if my skull had fractured, it would have taken a major artery with it. As far as the little girl with the cigarettes, I would chill. You don't know what the clerk said to the girl after the customers cleared out. I work in health care in an urban setting, and my own kids get lots of exposure to things I don't approve of. I use those situations as teachable moments. My kids don't feel they shouldn't smoke until they are 18; they feel smoking is dumb at any age. I hope they continue to feel that way.

I haven't worked with girls in Studio 2B yet, but it wouldn't have appealed to me at that age any more than traditional scouting. The last thing I wanted was someone telling me to do things that were good for me. I got that all day at school. Instead of going into Cadettes or Seniors, I joined an Explorer post and did a lot of canoeing, camping and hiking, with absolutely no introspection at all. But I learned a lot about leadership without realizing it. If you have to function as a team or crack up your canoe on a rock or end up stranded two days from civilization without toilet paper, you learn. If I were going to make the Girl Scouts more attractive to teens, I'd ditch some of the touchy-feely stuff. I'd have badges that go more deeply into focused skills instead of having a variety of requirements that cover a very broad topic. I'd also avoid badge requirements that a girl can't realistically do as an individual -- 9 year olds can't interview strange adults who make a living doing whatever the badge is about, for heaven's sake; if the troop doesn't do it as a group, the girl can't pursue it as an individual interest. If she is really interested in something and wants to delve into it deeply, that should be something she can do on her own. Let the more general awards like the Sign of the Star or the Gold Award serve to tie it all together into a coherent leadership program. And I'd crank up the publicity for the Gold Award. Everyone knows what an Eagle Scout is; no one has heard of the Gold Award. And I don't just mean sending photos to suburban weeklies. I mean real PR, stories in regional and national media outlets, public service spots from former Gold Award scouts who are now leaders in the community, etc. Some girls do want to do the makeup and hair stuff, and there is no reason they can't. But they are probably more interested in learning the how-to than talking about the importance of a positive body image. The trick is to have requirements that lead them to think about important issues without having them feel it is being shoved down their throats. Then there is the general problem that the harder the girl works for something, the smaller the patch (or charm) is. Maybe we should rethink the big colorful patches for showing up at a pizza party...

Well.... The first meeting the girls ran their own meeting to set up an agenda for the year. They worked hard and did a good job. But the troop leader's daughter chaired it, so she couldn't undermine anyone else. She's a good leader but not much of a follower. The second meeting, the girls who were assigned to lead an activity did a good job. But the other girls got distracted by stuff going on outside the room and ignored the activity for a short while (the adults had to redirect them to the appropriate activity). They all finished the project and (for them) were pretty focused. But the girls who were leading it got upset about being dissed while they were leading and both quit, as did another girl who was their friend. The mother of one sent us an email that she was going to look for a troop with more supervision. The third meeting they worked on the code of conduct and did well. Since then, the girls have planned and led activities. We're down to a pretty small number, mostly the 5th graders, since the 6th graders are absent for activities more. A lot of these kids have ADD and of course aren't on their medication for an evening meeting. My inclination is to let them run their activity, and when they run off to do someething else, give them a few minutes to blow off steam, then direct them back to the activity. I also sometimes sneak in badge requirements by asking questions about topics that gets a serious discussion going even while they are fooling around. My son has ADD, so I guess I don't expect much, but if they are learning something and having fun, and everyone feels included in the social activities and no one is getting hurt, I'm happy, even if they decide to paint their faces with cookie dough. Needless to say, I can imagine parents of girls with age-appropriate attention spans are a bit horrified.

Try http://shop.girlscouts.org/bookshop/prodpages/safety-wise.asp?cartID=10225AAB I give you credit staying with scouting with those kinds of hassles. But why don't you form a troop and let psycho-mother stay with the old troop?

The popcorn setting in my new Panasonic microwave. You just set the weight of the bag and it stops at the perfect time every time, every brand. I would have said my Goretex Vasque boots, but on the last campout, the bottom layer of one sole peeled off. I'm gonna glue it back -- they're the best thing in the world for shoveling snow. Keep your feet warm, dry and comfy.

I'd like to throw something more in about the personality disorder angle. She's probably not a sociopath if she's not in jail yet, but there are other types of personality disorders. The main feature of a personality disorder is that everyone can see the person has a problem except the person with the problem. That person has spent her entire life developing these habits as coping mechanisms and considers the behaviors completely appropriate. Getting them to change is difficult even in long-term counseling. I work with a woman who is very similar, married to one of the top executives, considering herself above everyone else. She has narcissistic personality disorder. Those are the people who honestly believe they shouldn't have to be kept waiting even though they can see that lots of people who arrived ahead of them are waiting. They feel they are really special and deserve to get preferential treatment. We had a lot of fights, and I was actually praying for our relationship to improve -- I didn't see any way except divine intervention. But here's the the thing you have to understand. This disorder arises in people who have felt criticized their whole lives, whose parents never seemed to feel they were good enough. They had to deal with it by constructing the fantasy that they really were that wonderful. They attach themselves to important people and drop names. But deep down they feel worthless. If anything threatens their fantasy, they get suicidal (but don't make really serious attempts to kill themselves because they can't imagine a world without themselves in it). Despite these problems, narcissists can really do great things if they get into something they have talent for. They have the ability to convince everyone that they can succeed, and it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. What my coworker did -- and what the woman in your troop needs to do -- is get out from under the shadow of the important husband. She needs to have a project that is uniquely her own, where her successes will be her own victories, where the compliments she receives will be sincere. I don't know if there is such a project your troop could set her loose on, or who would be the person to suggest it to her, but it could be good for her and you both. My coworker, by the way, started her own non-profit organization which is growing like a weed, and every successful project is leading to more grants to do new projects. She'll have more employees than her husband's company soon. And we're friends now.

Boy Scout wear uniforms because they are practical. They are sturdy clothes that are durable enough to camp in and comfortable enough to sleep in. Moms don't mind their boys wearing them to camp and crawling in muddy ashes, because they aren't ruining their regular clothes. Boys don't mind wearing them because the older boys and adults wear the same uniform. A girl may buy the Girl Scout uniform, but where can she wear it? The sash or vest is a hazard when working around an open flame, and the short little skirts preclude sitting on a floor. The khaki pants are fine, but aren't too specific to Girl Scouts -- every school in the country seems to have adopted Dockers navy or khaki pants as their uniform. Our girls show up to meetings in their vests, then drape them over the backs of chairs for the rest of the meeting. If it were up to me, I'd change GSA to have girls stay in one uniform with one troop as they got older, so older and younger scouts would be together (as they are in so many troops now anyway). A single uniform with a more subtle variable (different color sashes over the basic Brownie-to-Senior uniform, for instance) would solve the "looking like two troops" problem and make it easier to find used uniforms, too. As far as leader's uniforms, at least the Lands End stuff looks better than the airline stewardess uniforms the GSA sells.

Thanks -- we have our first full troop meeting of the fall this week, with parents attending, so we'll be trying some new things, including patrols, tho there may be only 2 or 3 girls in each. We'll see what works.

If a scout has a handicap, some modifications of the program can be made to accomodate him while keeping the spirit of the requirements. If he can't get a leadership position in his troop because he is socially behind the other boys, maybe he could become a regular assistant in a cub troop. The younger boys might really worship a bigger boy with lots of energy, and being the focus of their attention could help him stay focused.

Sounds great. But I think we should plan on sleeping under tarps instead of inside tents :-)

If Boy Scouts don't work with boys in groups for merit badges, how do you avoid the situation where a boy is alone with an adult merit badge counselor?

Sure sounds different from Girl Scouts! The Girl Scout badges are complicated and many are extremely difficult for a girl to do without either parental help or the troop participating together. Badges may involve participating in a group activity. Or they may involve interviewing an adult stranger -- it's not real appropriate for 9-11 year old girls to be calling a newspaper reporter themselves to ask what his typical day is like and how much he is paid (an actual requirement). The problem is that the girls dread getting halfway through the requirements for a badge and feeling obligated to do the rest on their own. I swear they have more fun if we don't tell them an activity satisfies any badge requirements. I'm halfway tempted to encourage the girls to go for Boy Scout or Girl Guide badges, which are more straightforward and focused. Of course Girl Scout meetings don't have the same focus on leadership development since older and younger girls are segregated into different troops by the age requirements for Brownie, Junior, Cadette and Senior Girl Scouts.

I write right, but switch back and forth for most things as one arm tires. I think any mother develops ambidexterity learning to do things with a sleeping child over one shoulder. Still can't brush my teeth lefthanded tho.

I guess I should say that part of the problem is that one of the worst kids is the troop leader's youngest daughter. Her mom can't do much with her, tho she is in therapy. We can't exactly hold the other girls to a higher standard. Her mother is a real asset to the troop otherwise, but I don't imagine she'd stay with the troop if her girls were all out of scouting. Anyway, the worst behavior is the passive aggressive stuff that doesn't make much of a story when you tell the parents about it later. If they were "doing" things we could tell their parents, but it's the doing the least they can get away with and doing that grudgingly that is making things not fun for everyone else.

I'm assistant troop leader in a Junior troop. Half the girls are in sixth grade, half in fifth. The problem is the older girls are pretty unmanageable. They just wander off instead of participating in whatever the troop is doing and disrupt everything. Getting them to do kapers involves following them around continually and telling them to do each tiny task. They aren't learning responsibility, and they are a terrible example to the younger girls. In fact, they sometimes pick on girls who don't go along with them. I can deal with most of them one on one, but as a group they feel the need to show off and ignore the leaders. The parents don't strike me as too able to influence their daughter's behavior nor likely to back up any discipline we might want to institute. I've seriously considered having a pre-arranged halfway point at our next weekend campout where the goof-offs will be driven back home for their parents to pick up while the rest of the troop continues the weekend -- I suspect we'd only have to do it once if it worked, but I have visions of being stuck waiting in parking lots with kids whose parents are unavailable despite being warned of the possibility of having to pick up their daughters early. It's a small troop, so if they were no longer in the troop at all we might not have a critical mass to remain a troop at all. Besides, I have no reason to believe my cooperative 10 year olds won't be just as oppositional when they are older. Anyone have any suggestions?

I agree with suggesting professional evaluation. A trained counselor can often find out things that may surprise a parent. Depression would be a good thing to have, because it responds well to counseling/medications in most cases. But schizophrenia could start with similar behavior. If the scout were a girl, I'd be wondering about sexual abuse with the unkempt behavior, too. If he's unsure about his own sexual orientation, he may be pretty uncomfortable in most social situations right now. If he's just shy, he ought to be able to form a friendship with one other outcast-type boy or girl, not just stay home alone all day.

I agree. Kids can be cruel, but it is often due to feeling uncomfortable themselves at being ignorant. They may also wonder how this disability occurred and feel the need to convince themselves it could never happen to them. Kids respond well to being educated about the issue. If they know more about this scout than most adults would, they will see themselves as his protectors instead of tormentors.

It's interesting that the other boys in the troop are expected to put up with this sort of behavior. Our society is great for expecting children to "stand up to" bullies and not "tattle," when the same behavior by an adult bully would be considered a felony, and the proper response would be to notify the police instead of taking matters into one's own hands. Fire setting is often a symptom of very serious psychopathology. It is often seen in children in foster care with attachment problems. They fear getting emotionally attached to anyone, and they almost dare the foster parents to send them back. Arson is the one behavior that isn't tolerated and is guaranteed to get a response. I doubt the troublemaking boy wants to be in the troop -- or be in any group like scouts. This behavior shields him from having to actually form relationships with other people. The other boys will fear him from afar, but it masks the fact that he's a social cripple. The really sad part is that if his father doesn't see a problem with this, the son has no chance to get straightened out before he is old enough to be tried as an adult.