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Best way to deal with those parents?

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  • Best way to deal with those parents?

    I'm a unit leader and I have to deal with one of those parents that has to do everything their way... Including making accusations of leaders that I have to raise up to our DE. They are only happy if stuff is done exactly their way with anything. Of course they are on the committee and related to the CM.

    Does anyone have a good method for dealing with this? It isn't good for the pack and makes people not want to volunteer, including me.

  • #2
    This takes an understanding of how a pack works. Pack leadership is a collection of folks doing their jobs toward a common purpose. This is why well-functioning pack committees don't vote on stuff. The person responsible for a task simply gets the job done and reports back. Input and coordination between committee members, when appropriate and desirable, is typically accomplished at committee meetings. If "that parent" is responsible for the Pine Wood Derby, then they get to have it their way, subject to the approval of the Cubmaster, who is ultimately responsible for program. If you are pack treasurer and want to change banks, you get to have it your way, subject to the committee chairman, and in this case, the chartered organization.

    Now this doesn't mean folks don't have to play nicely together. If the PWD chairman expects help and participation, he/she best be building consensus toward the program. Just because he wants to have the race at 10:30 on a weekday morning doesn't mean anyone else will support him.

    If "those parents" are operating under the delusion they get to have EVERYTHING their way, someone in the pack -- CC or CM -- needs to grow a pair and tell them to pound sand.

    Sooner or later folks do the math and figure out if you are a net provider or consumer of services. If an adult volunteer is a net consumer, we have no reason to keep them around. We are here to serve youth, not create volunteer opportunities for adults -- or provide audiences for their tirades, for that matter.

    Assuming you are just one of the nameless rabble having to put up with their stuff, let the CC know you will no longer tolerate their behavior and the CC needs to decide which of you he wants as a volunteer. Raise the price of putting up with them and the leadership will make a change. Or not. In which case you take your services elsewhere and your problem is still solved.

    Comment


    • #3
      You are the Committee Chair (CC) - correct?

      You are talking about an overbearing Committee Member?

      As CC, talk to your Charter Organization Representative (COR) to make sure of the backing of the Charter Organization (CO), then simply tell the Committee Member that if they can not learn to work well with others their help is no longer needed.

      As to "raising up" anything to your DE - what kinds of "accusations" were made?

      Anything less than a Youth Protection issue is handled by the owner of the unit - the CO. Even so, all youth protection issues should be taken to the Council Scout Executive (SE), not the District Executive (DE).

      If this Committee Member is making untrue youth protection allegations against other leaders that, for me, is reason enough to show them the door and firmly tell them to find a different Pack more to their liking.

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      • #4
        Yes I'm the CC. The person who is the wife of the CM has written and resigned to me and the CM. I accepted her resignation(called her bluff) with the COR included and thanked her for her services. Of course after I informed the pack leadership of course I got a snide remark from her about me telling them. After I sent mail that she was leaving, I received two seperate emails about how they felt bullied by her. Those have been sent to the COR in case we ever need them.

        I can't/won't comment on the accusations being made but they are serious and I immediately raised them up to DE who has raised it with council.

        It kills me that there are people in the world like this.

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        • #5
          Somtimes the best thing you can do for yourself and the unit is to leave. It's hard, but you might consider asking the woman who left what pack they joined and go check it out.
          You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time, and there are some people who you won't be able to please ever.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Khaliela View Post
            Somtimes the best thing you can do for yourself and the unit is to leave. It's hard, but you might consider asking the woman who left what pack they joined and go check it out.
            You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time, and there are some people who you won't be able to please ever.
            I'm not leaving, Everything other than her runs smoothly and the pack continues to grow and is very active If she decides to pull her son it would be punishing them which is very unfortunate. I've told her we still welcome her and her son in our pack, just not her as a committee member.

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            • #7
              I'm lost. Is the person in the OP the CM's wife? If she resigned, hand her her hat and bolt the door.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Twocubdad View Post
                I'm lost. Is the person in the OP the CM's wife? If she resigned, hand her her hat and bolt the door.
                Yep, and that is what I did. Now I get to deal with the aftermath. Yipee for me :-)

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                • #9
                  Yeah. This kind of thing will blow over in time, although a few weeks can seem like a very, very long time. Hopefully, the whole accusation business will get laid to rest quickly as well. A Council person may be on the phone with you asking some hard questions, but if it's all unfounded and untrue it should be apparent to him.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by WAKWIB View Post
                    Yeah. This kind of thing will blow over in time, although a few weeks can seem like a very, very long time. Hopefully, the whole accusation business will get laid to rest quickly as well. A Council person may be on the phone with you asking some hard questions, but if it's all unfounded and untrue it should be apparent to him.
                    Thanks, I spoke to the CM today and he is being totally reasonable. I feel for him.

                    Comment


                    • Twocubdad
                      Twocubdad commented
                      Editing a comment
                      You have to figure that if he can deal with it coming from his wife, you can probably put up with her nonsense, too, huh?

                  • #11
                    We had an adult just like this and eventually she left and took her son with her. She joined two other units before her reputation spread enough to keep her out of scouting. I brought this example up once in a forum discussion on the subject of whether a unit should warn the other unit leaders about these peoples behavior. In my case, I did not warn the next SM, but he did call. What I've grown to learn over time is these folks generally don't change. You did well mashmaster keeping the DE and COR in the loop. Barry

                    Comment


                    • #12
                      Originally posted by Eagledad View Post
                      We had an adult just like this and eventually she left and took her son with her. She joined two other units before her reputation spread enough to keep her out of scouting. I brought this example up once in a forum discussion on the subject of whether a unit should warn the other unit leaders about these peoples behavior. In my case, I did not warn the next SM, but he did call. What I've grown to learn over time is these folks generally don't change. You did well mashmaster keeping the DE and COR in the loop. Barry
                      Thanks, I hope for her boys that she learns to change her behavior but I realize it won't change.

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                      • #13
                        Sounds like you did everything right. It is for the best, even if it is not easy.

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                        • #14
                          They continue to disagree with the DE and can't move on.... ugh. Sometimes this job isn't worth the pay.

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