Help with challenging youth leader

[Twocubdad 665]

Okay, seems like we've been focused on a lot of silly, tangential stuff lately. Here's a real, red meat, core Scouting issue:

 

One of our senior youth leaders is a real tough nut to crack and I'd like some perspective/advice on how to get through to this kid.

 

Some background:

 

Although he is almost a year older than the other boys in his grade (he's now 15), this kid has always been much smaller than the other guys, very quiet and tends to be a loner (although he's much better than he used to be). When he first joined the troop he would have nothing to do with the other boys in his patrol. Wouldn't help with camp duties or participate in activities. He was one of the last to reach First Class because he would cook a meal or two then just shut down -- refused to get out of the tent to cook breakfast. Of course that compounded his social problems. In addition to being a quiet loner, he developed a reputation of being lazy and someone the other guys couldn't count on for help.

 

Three years ago I convinced him to be a Den Chief. Given his physical stature, I thought working with the Cubs would be easier for him. BRILLIANT! He thrived as a Den Chief. After a year, I convinced him to serve as a Troop Guide for the new Scout patrol. That went pretty well, although I noticed that when it came time to teach the skills in which he was weaker, he tended to just walk away and leave the new scouts to their own devices. The kid never asked for help. He served two terms as troop guide including one year when he was both troop guide and den chief.

 

This time last year the kid was 14 and I really felt he needed to be weened away from working only with smaller kids. Last spring we had two new Scout patrols, so he was asked to be ASPL with responsibility for supervising Troop Guides and Den Chiefs. He really did very little in that role, but continued to function as a troop guide for one of the patrols. He did very little in terms of program planning and coordination, which is what we were looking for from an ASPL.

 

In the fall, as the new Scouts started to spread their own wings, we coached the troop guides (including this kid) to re-engage with their own patrols and give the NSPs some room to grow. They were to camp with their own patrols and work with the NSPs on an as needed basis.

 

That's when the wheels really fell off. This kid created a tremendous amount of turmoil within his patrol and refused to follow the lead of his PL. There were times he would totally hijack the PL's job and other times he refused to cooperate at all. He was very clear that as an ASPL he didn't think he should have to listen to a patrol leader. Over the past six months, I've probably spent 10 hours talking with this kid one-on-one trying to get him on track.

 

In short, the last three years have taken him from a detached loner to a much more engaged Sleader, but only if he gets to be the "Big Boss" and have everyone in a subservient role to him.

 

This term, the SPL decided one of the other troop guides needed a shot at ASPL. The SPL created and appointed this boy to a new job of ASPL/Administration. He now has responsibility for the Scribe, Librarian, QM, Historian, etc. What I'm seeing thus far is that he still doesn't want to work with the boys in these positions, rather he cherry picks the parts of their jobs which interests him and does those tasks himself. He then ignores the rest.

 

I tend to think the boy may have some slight OCD issues. When he takes on a task he's on it like a dog on a bone. For instance, following the recent PL elections he decided he would be responsible for updating the new patrol rosters instead of having the Scribe doing it. He's called me five times asking questions. One of the patrols failed to elect a new PL because of low attendance at the election meeting. The SPL, doing his job, had arranged for the patrol to meet 15 minutes before the next troop meeting to finish the election. But before that could happen this kid jumped in and polled the patrol members by phone. As I told him, I admire his enthusiasm and initiative, but like a good Scoutmaster, he needs to let the patrols work it out and solve their own problems.

 

My question is, how do I get this boy to work with other people? In some respects this is a classic issue of learning to delegate, but with his background, I also know he just doesn't want to work with other kids. I'm trying hard not to knock the wind from his sails, but he doesn't take criticism well. As I tried to explain how things should have worked with the PL election issue, I could see him visibly deflating. I sense a lot of frustration and resentment from him whenever someone tries to give him any sort of direction. He has a tremendous need to have things just the way he wants them.

 

Thoughts?(This message has been edited by Twocubdad)

[Eagledad 2779]

Well, Ive been there and done that and personally I think you have done a pretty good job so far. Good Work.

 

A few thoughts as best as I can reflect:

 

Just be careful the goals are realistic. Even though a good Scoutmaster instills a scout to envision that kind of scout he can become, the Scoutmaster has to resist giving the scout the scoutmasters vision. We must instead guide the scout to set and reach his goals.

 

One small step forward is better than two steps back. Many adults get hung up on the scout not making progress toward the big goal when the small steps are big for some boys. From our perspective, he may infact just never show much growth in working with other people or delegating. Or he may just be biting off too much too fast at the moment. Again, keep up the small positive growths because anything is better than nothing just like at takes a lot of small step to reach the mountain top. Imagine where this young man would have been without his Den Chief and Troop Guide experience. He does have something to brag about.

 

You didnt mention the parents, but can they help you in accomplishing some small victories?

 

I have worked with a few scouts just like this, but I was surprised once when the Council had their Annual Review of the Council for all the Districts officers. The Council Executive started the meeting with a letter he just received. In that letter, the mother explained that her son was very smart, but very awkward and struggled to make friends. In fact even struggled with teachers who seemed to not care much for him. The only place her son felt comfortable was in the Boy Scout Troop where he was not only accepted, but was a Patrol Leader. She just wanted to make sure that the SE knew that Scouting does work. Well, that scout was in our troop and your scout sounds just like him. I agree with you that maybe he should have been pushed a little earlier to be more active in his patrol. But I think what is important is that you help him make positive steps at his pace and maturity. In fact, I think you have been doing just that. Its hard work, I know. But just keep pressing on with that little bit of pressure and you will one day few rewarded.

 

Both of you will grow from this experience. What you are learning now will be applied to the next scout in similar circumstances.

 

I love this scouting Stuff.

 

Barry

 

[Stosh 3452]

As part of my leadership training I try and instill in my boys just a couple of "ideals" that help them translate what they are doing into something productive.

 

From your explanation I see a couple that might help.

 

1) "The best leaders are the best followers." By this I mean that if he cannot follow directions, he will never be able to inspire others to follow as well (i.e. leadership). I give "suggestions" to the boys just to see how well they "follow" so that they can be leaders.

 

2) "Get out in front and beat the adults to the punch." This means that as soon as an adult tells them what to do, they immediately switch from leader to follower. If they are going to run the show, they have to anticipate and lead before some adult takes the opportunity away from them.

 

3) "Take care of your boys." By this I mean if one is going to lead they are going to have to quit thinking about themselves and start concentrating on helping the others. If the boys don't think their needs are being met, they will find a leader who does.

 

These are the three messages I leave with my boys and they are always making reference to them when teaching leadership to others so they must have some kind of positive impact on their own lives.

 

I hope that with this boy, simply giving him a couple of simple statements like this will help him focus. Once one gets into a long explanation, the eyes of most boys glaze over and you've lost them.

 

I have one boy going in for his EBOR tomorrow night who has taken on so much of these dynamics I had to all but slow him down long enough to finish his own requirements for Eagle. The excuses I kept getting from him was Johnny needs help with his patrol, so I'll get to my Eagle project as soon as he's up and running, etc. Now that he's 18 and has his Eagle, I've got a fantastic ASM already to go. He's been so active as a leader, there are those outside the troop that have frequently mistaken him for an ASM rather than just a Life Scout in the troop.

 

Stosh

[Twocubdad 665]

Thanks guys. Just knowing we're I'm on the right track is good information. I really like your three points, Stosh. We present much the same thing at TJLT, but we talk about #1 as being good "followership" and #3 in terms of being servant leaders -- pretty much the same message. #2 is a new one and I turned it into my SM minute tonight. New PLs took over tonight, so it was timely.

 

A little more background on the kid. First, his father is very involved and very supportive. He and I are good friends and talk about this stuff a great deal. We see eye-to-eye on much of it.

 

Along the lines of your point, Barry, that maybe we're pushing too much, too soon, at some point in the last few weeks, the scout said he wanted to take a break from leadership positions. I think I surprised the dad when I agreeed that might be a good idea. My concern was that he do it for the right reasons. If he's taking a break to take a break, fine. He's earned it. But if he's backing off because he's upset or frustrated, I'd like him to solve the problems, then take a break. Never go to bed mad, so to speak.

 

[Engineer61 19]

OCD...eh....maybe. ADD might be a closer hit.

 

Some the progression you stated, it sounds like you may have pulled him from the Den Chief position when he was really content to stay there. There's nothing to say that advancement is on a timetable and that every boy hits Eagle.

 

When he's ready to try the leadership shoes on again, I'd find out if he really *liked* being Den Chief, and if he did, put him back there.

 

The adage goes, "If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life."