Sitting on a BOR

[msnowman]

Since BORs seem to be the topic d'jour both here and in Nephew's troop, I thought I'd bring my question up.

 

1 - I'm a committee member for Nephew's troop and as such, I have sat on several BORs from T to Star (my first Life BOR is coming up next month).

2 - I'm also CM and was DL & WDL for 1 of the new scouts in this Troop.

3 - This new Scout is PAINFULLY shy, especially with people he is uncomfortable with...often reverting to mumbling or whispering if he is extremly nervous.

 

I'm reasonably certain I will be asked to sit on this boy's BOR. I'm torn on whether I should or not.

 

A pro for doing so is that he will be quite comfortable with at least one of the people on the BOR and will less likely give in to the shyness. However, this same thing is also a con - does it really do any favors for the boy?

 

He "sorta" knows most of the potential board members, its just that I was his DL for the 3 years he was with the Pack, so there is a little greater comfort level for him there.

 

I only want what is best for this Scout, and indeed, all of the Scouts in the Troop. I'm just torn on which of the two scenarios would be the best for this Scout.

 

Thoughts? Comments? I promise not to hold my breath and whine if I don't like the answers I get. /SMILE

 

TIA

YiS

Michelle

 

PS - why am I asking now? Because I am a compulsive planner and the Pack newsletter is all done.(This message has been edited by msnowman)

[John-in-KC]

Michelle,

 

It looks to me like you have a built-in purpose for this young man's BORs as he advances through Scouting: Introduce him to different folks and challenge him to build his confidence

 

OK, you know him. I've known lots of Scouts who came to BORs I sat or chaired. No problem, as long as you're on the Committee side, not the SM/ASM side (and remember, that's the ideal world, not the real world of units).

 

I think a conversation point should be about interpersonal relationships. We can help him.

 

I think he may be well served with frequent BORs in the coming months and years. We don't have to hold BORs only for advancement, if it's a tool which will aid in his socialization skills, use it

 

Here's to his growth and development

[Oak Tree]

Is this his first BOR? If so, I'd go ahead and recommend that you sit on the board.

[hotdesk]

I agree with the above comments. You should sit on the Board of Review. Having someone he knows will allow him to start to open up. The situation will be a little more welcoming than normal.

 

Do it!

[msnowman]

Thanks for the replies.

 

This would be his first BOR and we have talked about BORs before, when he was a Web II, so I know he is a little nervous. If asked, I will sit his BOR with a clear conscience and an open mind - just like I would for any other boy.

 

Thanks again.

Michelle

[packsaddle]

If I read the question correctly, I can paraphrase it as: what is best for the boy, tough love or some friendly help?

You know the boy better than any of us. It's your decision. But from what I've read, you should sit on the BOR and make a positive contribution. Nothing wrong with that.

[msnowman]

pack - you hit it right on the head.

 

I think as he progresses it will become less and less of an issue. In Cubs he went from refusing to get out of his seat for any award to hiding behind mom or dad but at least standing up front to standing beside his Den Chief to quietly get his awards....all big steps in his self-confidence.

 

My original feeling was that a friendly face at Tenderfoot (to get the scary unknown out of the way) would be a better set up for future successes than throwing up on his shoes and quitting because he is afraid of the unknown.

 

Ages and Stages - one of a number of things that I think BSA does a dang decent job of.

 

YiS

Michelle(This message has been edited by msnowman)

[Eagledad]

>>My original feeling was that a friendly face at Tenderfoot (to get the scary unknown out of the way) would be a better set up for future successes than throwing up on his shoes and quitting because he is afraid of the unknown.

[FScouter]

Where is the kid getting the idea that a board of reveiw is some ordeal to get nervous about? Does he think he going to get raked over coals? Are the Tenderfoots telling him horror stories?

[scoutingagain]

Well if he's "painfully shy" any meeting with 3 unfamiliar adults would probably make him nervous regardless of what anyone said to him.

 

At this stage of the game, I'd go with the others and have at least one adult he is comfortable with on the board.

 

SA

[msnowman]

Fscouter - Nobody has been telling him horror stories. We talked about BORs a bit at our Den meetings so he would have an idea of what was coming up on his Scouting trail. He knows that its mostly a matter of answering questions from adults who care about him and his progress in Scouting (and by extension - life, school, church, etc). Its just that this particular boy is so...shy/nervous/afraid that he can become almost uncommunicative. He knows he isn;t going to get raked over the coals - but you know kids (heck, adults too) can build up the unknown into a frothing monster.

 

Like I said in a post after my original - he has come a long ways by simply being willing to come up to get his awards. We nearly lost him over the requirement of Plan/Lead a flag ceremony (the compromise was that Planning and Leading didn't mean one had to do the reading, part of leadership is ability to delegate). We practiced the AoL ceremony that we were going to have so he was comfortable and familiar with it.

 

I appreciate the feedback - it helps me to check it out from other sides.

 

YiS

Michelle

[packsaddle]

It's natural and it's ok for him to feel nervous. Heck, everytime I get called to the principal's..oops, I mean Dean's office, I get nervous. And in my position the worst thing that can happen is that I get to do anything I want.

 

But the boy deserves to have his very natural feelings and also to feel the warmth of success once he passes, as I am sure he will. This is one way he can build confidence in himself and in the good intentions of most strangers. And he will want more...advancement, that is. Hopefully, one day he'll be able to confront a wider world with that same confidence.