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  • Abusive Parent and Scout Help

    Sorry, don't know if this is in the right spot and this problem is pretty complicated.

    I'll start with the boy first. He has been a member of the troop for about 2 years. Over those two years he has constantly been physically and verbally abusive to other boys. He has been sat down with leaders and had scoutmasters conferences about it but it has had almost no affect. The leaders probably could have done more and sooner but they have not. His father does most things for him. The boy is now a life and working on his Eagle project but in no way whatsover is representative of an eagle scout. Many boys have quit scouting because of him.

    Eventually the other adults talked to him and he called the other female leader to apologize. The problem still remains that boys and parents want nothing to do with the troop because of them and the adult and scout definitely do not meet the standards of eagle scouts the youth is life. Most of the few leaders don't know the extent of the issue and have not asked them to leave the troop.

    I know this is complicated, but how would you handle it? Try to go to the scoutmaster and present the case and have the other leaders in agreement to ask them to leave? Leave the troop and take as many boys as possible away from the bad situation? Thank you for replies.
    Last edited by smoj10; 08-27-2013, 05:18 PM.

  • #2
    The place to start is with your COR. They are responsible for the selection of unit leaders. The COR can preplace the CC on the spot no questions or appeals. The Scoutmaster has no power over the CC. I suggest you detail the type of CO you have and the relationship your troop has with the IH and COR.

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    • #3
      I assume you are not an adult scout leader. Either way, take your son and IMMEDIATELY transfer to another troop. If your son's friends follow great. Make it crystal clear to the leaders of your new troop that you will leave if Mr. Abusive and his son also transfer to your new troop.

      Bring the fun of scouting back to your family ASAP, these childhood years go fast.

      My $0.02

      Comment


      • King Ding Dong
        King Ding Dong commented
        Editing a comment
        There is 99% chance that is the best course of action. If this is the only bad apple in a otherwise good troop I would first investigate removing the cancer. I wouldn't count on it though.

    • #4
      Father has resigned ? Good. Don't let him come back. Promote an adult oriented ASM to CC.

      Son no longer has his father around to enable his abusive behavior?
      Be nice or be gone!

      Life is too short to put up with nasty people.

      Comment


      • #5
        This sentence stands out for me.

        "He verbally abused a scout in the troop and a camp counselor. He also got physical with one of the boys in the troop which was witnessed by the under 21 adult leader. "

        Will both the folks involved talk, especially the physical incident? If memory serves, that is grounds revocation of membership.

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        • #6
          No, he continues as CC like nothing ever happened. The thing is none of the other adults want to pursue it or push the boys to say anything.

          Comment


          • King Ding Dong
            King Ding Dong commented
            Editing a comment
            Then if the CO will not take action immediatly RUN FAST. I have problems with my troop but nothing like this.

        • #7
          I'd transfer my son to a new troop and let everyone else know where we transferred with an invite to come along. Your current troop is a mess and if no one is willing to stand up and do the right thing, it's giving the CC permission to continue. If you feel the need to take some action and it is appropriate, you could approach the COR and explain what you've shared here.

          The boss of the DE was wrong. Resignation is not the end of the matter. He should have accepted a report of the incident with the youth and the leader and followed through with an investigation and resolution, with the likely and possible outcome of blocking the CC from ever being a member of BSA in the future. I had a very similar situation with a leader in my unit and it was handled the way I described even though the leader in question had resigned. There is nothing in the YPT guidelines that indicate that resignation is the end of the matter, for good reason. This is how BSA keeps abusive leaders from hopping from unit to unit, continuing their abusive behavior.

          Good luck.

          Comment


          • #8
            I'm with Joe Bob. How is he being allowed to continue as CC if he resigned? If the unit and CO leadership are going to be bullied by this person, in that case I'm with KDD. Find another unit and protect your son. Do it quickly.

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            • #9
              The physical abuse is a big no no......Since it appears that he didn't resign then it needs brought back up to the DE....

              The council should still revoke his membership.....



              The SM is at fault of quality control on his scouts. If the boy did not meet living up to the scout spirit requirement then he shouldn't advance....I have a couple of lads in that situation right now.....

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              • #10
                I'd find another troop, too. But for the sake of any Scouts who remain this needs to be reported to the Scout Executive -- the top professional scouter in the council -- not the DE. Actually, it should have been reported to law enforcement at the time it occurred.

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                • #11
                  FOR THE SCOUT ....

                  "The boy is now a life and working on his Eagle project but in no way whatsover is representative of an eagle scout."

                  ... That is wrong thinking. Period. Leaders support the scouts. It would be WRONG for the scout leaders at this point to work to STOP the scout from earning eagle. That is not what we do. BUT ... the leaders can and absolutely should work to solve behavior issues.

                  IMHO, his behavior is a memership issue. Same with the dad. But the troop has lived with the behavior for years and the scout is now a life scout. At this point, the scout pretty much can finish his Eagle requirements to earn his advancement. Leaders can work to get behavior improved but should not stand in the way of advancement. And to be honest, the scout has earned five ranks with his current behavior and now you expect him to change?

                  Behavior problems need to be dealt with when they happen but especially while scouts are in their early ranks. And IMHO, it is a membership issue. If you want to behave within the boundaries of the program, you are welcome. We all want scouting to be there for the kids that really need it, but those kids drive away dozens of other scouts and makes a bad name for the program.

                  =================================================

                  FOR THE ADULT ....

                  Committee chair. You are hosed. You need to take this up with the charter organization. If they don't remove him, I'd switch immediately.

                  Earlier advice is very applicable. For kids, the scouting years are short. Switch your scout to a fun behaved troop and move on. Suggest to other kids that they switch too.

                  Report the issues to the charter org, the district exec and the scout executive. And get your kid to a safe fun unit.

                  Comment


                  • #12
                    I witnessed an adult get physical with a scout when I was a young "under 21" and let an older adult talk me out of saying anything, and that's something I'll never forgive myself for. If the DE/Scout Exec don't remove the man, then I would call social services and/or the police myself. Unless a scout hit first, there is no excuse or reason for a man to ever "get physical" with a scout.
                    At the same time, since you were not a witness to the events, you need to speak to the under-21 leader and make sure you understand exactly what happened, and you need to let him know exactly how you plan to proceed. Once you call, there's no take-backs, and this guy will turn into Godzilla--you already know false accusations are in his toolbox and he'll make your life miserable if you go off half-cocked.
                    You also need to explain to the SM, CC and CoR of your new troop exactly why you are leaving this broken one.
                    Last edited by Scouter99; 08-25-2013, 03:59 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #13
                      Although I feel like our banner should read "Troop ###: we take bad kids." We don't countenance any scout being abusive to another. "Sent home at your parent's expense" is the phrase we use. Suspensions may apply. Adults: what they said. I take "I resign" statements very seriously. Unfortunately, the people who make these statements are not the type to find you their replacement. It's the most abysmal form of leadership. It takes very solid COR to say "okay, you're out, X is in."

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