Sins of divorce

[qwazse 4350]

Also, I would add that the "hit" in this study is small relative to other things that happen to kids throughout the world (war, famine, pestilence, etc ...). And we're talking averages here. I'm sure you'll find some kids who do better than average after a divorce, but the majority who do worse pull the curve down.

 

CCb, I intentionally did not use the s- word. Your "evil stepmother" situation shows that sometimes divorce is merely the symptom of our inability to love unconditionally. Adultery or abuse are truly harmful to people, and I agree that sometimes divorce is the only way to "stop the bleeding." But that does not negate the observation that the biological parents sticking together (absent infidelity or violence) is the best we can offer our kids.

 

My parents argued constantly. Threatening divorce. It was insufferable. But I saw them tend to each other at the end of their days. Over the long term, I think I gained.

[NJCubScouter 1389]

qwazse said:

 

Bottom line, unless spouses are abusive or promiscuous (bringing violence or disease into the family), divorce hurts kids.

 

Did the study draw that distinction, or is that you drawing the distinction? My impression is that divorce hurts kids regardless of the cause of the marital difficulties, but the problem is that I don't think that this study has really "factored out" the problems that led to the divorce in the first place. In other words, I don't think it shows that a child in a given situation will be better or worse off if the parents stay together and continue arguing, not talking to each other, etc. Or to put it yet another way, I think we have a "cause and effect" problem here -- are the children suffering solely because of the divorce, or also because of the problems that caused the divorce? My experience in observing other people is that it is probably both.(This message has been edited by njcubscouter)

[JoeBob 606]

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

 

[qwazse 4350]

NJ - The study did control for "Marital Happiness" (or lack thereof) and psychological well-being; however, that's a far cry from accounting for multiple potential causes for divorce (e.g. adultery, financial stress, physical abuse, etc ...). Even if those factors could have been measured with any degree of precision, this sample was just too small to come to any reliable conclusions from that much detail.

 

Since it is unethical to randomly assign divorce or marriage "treatments" to families experiencing infidelity or abuse, we'll never nail down the chain of causality for certain. The physical effects of infidelity (through disease) or abuse (through injury) are well documented -- as are the near term psychological effects. I figure there are as many families who stay together and bounce back from such assaults as there are families who never experience a safe day until the parents part ways. In those cases, kids have a lot more to worry about than standardized test scores.

 

JB, sometimes that which doesn't kill us just leaves us hobbling along hoping the next hit won't do us in!