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jsychk

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About jsychk

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  1. jsychk

    Need guidance please

    No, he is not vegetarian. He has egg allergy (that was registered). Like my husband, he is a picky eater. At any camp, he picked anything he felt comfortable to eat. If they serve hamburger, he can eat the hamburger patty, not the bread. He doesn't eat hot dog. He can eat salad and most fruits. He usually comes home hungry after each camp. Before, my husband would buy him a Sam's Club bag of beef jerky or candy until I found out. The sodium or sugar content of beef jerky is way too much for a child to consume for a weekend, so I stopped it. Seriously, their eating is another world for me to struggle.
  2. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    Let me clarify! The leader called us on Wednesday & asked us to pick up my son from the camp. My husband did. When the troop came back from the camp on Sunday, my husband went over to pick up my son's "lugguage" and had a brief meeting with the leaders. They didn't talk about the discipline (i.e. 6 months suspension) until after the SM tried to set up a face-to-face meeting with my husband. Somehow my husband couldn't make it so they eventually did it over the phone. After that, my son was given the suspension. We don't know about the other kid who was also suspended. It would be nice to know because his dad was very involved with the Troop. The dad has always been dedicated to scouting so he would have a better understanding of the discipline. Now, thinking back....I should have gotten involved at that time because I had always been in charge of my son until he went to Boy Scouts. My son also talked to me about his camping adventures so I can probably communicate with the leaders better. I apologize for not explaining clearly. Please pardon me for my poor English, which is my second language.
  3. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    I totally understand the importance of the family foundation, but what if the dad doesn't lead and is not being proactive? How long should I wait? After a few years, I figured out my husband is not teaching the boys "the guy stuff" along the way, I have to step in one way or the other. First of all, I don't think my husband is against Scouting. He just doesn't seem to care either way. He knows what I choose for our boys is good for them. Secondly, my son seems to have a good time camping and hanging out with his friends. It is possible that my kids may not reach to the Eagle (two dedicated parents surely help!) but I still appreciate what he learns in the process. Sadly, I see more and more dads are like that now. I don't know why. Almost 10 years, most of our Pack leaders were male/dads. If there's a female/mom, it's ONLY because her husband is in the military overseas or she is a single mom. Now, our Pack has a few moms whose husbands are around but never step up to volunteer or be the leaders.
  4. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    Actually, the former leader in your troop sounds like our "victim's" mother. My son said the mother would tell the scouts where to put their tents during a dispute among the scouts (including her son). My son thought it's their job to figure things out on their own. It sounds like if something doesn't go in the kid's way, he would go to his mother and his mother would interfere. Apparently, other scouts don't like it. Also, my son mentioned that the kid has special need so maybe the mother tries to shelter him even more. I am not sure if this is true or not, but my son came home and told me many stories like these. I didn't interfere because 1) my husband was in charge of his scouting business; 2) I think my son should see different kinds of parents & learn how to handle them. 3) This does not cause any physical harm. My husband is the hand-off type, no doubt. That's also why I thought he is good for the job because my husband wouldn't be nervous like me when it comes to boy's adventures. However, he hasn't mastered the skills of parenting a pre-teen like flying a kite...let him explore a little but if he goes too far and may fall; you pull the string back...I think my husband just let the kite goes wherever the wind carries it...until it drops, so he had to drive to the camp and pick him up!
  5. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    The Troop suspended my son when they were in an out-of-state camp (10 hours away). They called us to pick him up at around 11 AM on Wednesday. My husband drove over there after work (5 PM). In fact, the other suspended kid's dad was nice enough to pick both (suspended) kids up from the camp and drove in our direction. My husband supposed to meet them somewhere in between and he paid for the hotel reservation (2 rooms) for everyone. According to the BSA policy, the other kid's dad can't sleep in the same room with my kid alone even his son is present. I think at the end my husband just picked my kid up at the hotel, turned around and headed back home in the middle of the night. My son was the first time offender. I don't think he got in a fight with the "victim". He was the one who asked the other kid to let him go. From what my son wrote, all the boys were playing a game. The "victim" was "it" & hidden in a tent. When the boys discovered him, he ran away so other kids chased him. One kid caught him and they rolled on the ground. No adult was there and witnessed anything. Each involved kid was interrogated by a leader (who is in active military) alone in the tent. They came up with the conclusion. Two kids were suspended and 4 or 5 other kids were given warning. Parents were called. Now, the suspension is over. I just want to learn from this and move on. The kid needs scouting and he wants to go back but just doesn't know where.
  6. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    First of all, thank you so much for reading my post and gave me your thoughtful advice. It sounds like most agree on talking to the Scoutmaster. At this point, I have to give a try. I hope I will run into a couple leaders at the recognition dinner on Thursday and hopefully get to know my son's status in their troop. I have not been involved with the Troop much, but I heard tidbits from my husband or son here & there. I think my son works better the previous SM who is a college professor and has 6 or 7 kids. He seems to give the boys plenty of room to make mistakes & learn. For example, my son said they were assigned to build a shelter (using sticks & leaves?) at the camp. If the shelter lasts til next day, they get sign-off. A scout built one on the branches above ground & slept in it but fell down in the middle of the night & broke his arm (parents were called). The current SM sounds more strict. He doesn't allow tree climbing. My son said they punished another group of scouts for jumping down from a building at the same camp last year. They said the boys' wild behaviors were embarrassing and give their troop a bad name. I don't see scouting is a replacement for Dad but an addition to help my boys to learn more from different role models. After all, it takes a village to raise a child. He respects two leaders in this troop very much. From the book "Raising Boys," I hope he will find a mentor who would tell him that buying that motorcycle is a stupid idea in Colorado!"
  7. jsychk

    How should I help my boy?

    mashmaster, you are fine! I don't think they were referring your response as being scary. Your input is valuable to me and I don't think you offended anyone. They were just referring to the "Thread" on why my son was suspended from the troop for 6 months. You are cool!
  8. Hello! I am a mom of 3 boys. Two of them are in Cub Scout and I am heavily involved with the Pack and all their activities. My oldest son should be in Boy Scout now. After I worked with him through 5 years of cub scouting (2012-2017), I let my husband to take charge of him in Boy Scout (Feb 2017) because I think he is more suitable for the role as all the Troop leaders are men. Moreover, after reading the book "Raising Boys," I thought my husband should be more involved with him so this Boy Scout adventure will give the father-and-son duo some opportunities to bond and learn from each other. I was wrong! It turned out my husband wasn't really involved with him or the Troop. His involvement was only dropping him off and picking him up at the Troop meeting/campout. He told me that's what the Troop leaders want (I feel kinda strange because I am one of the Pack leaders and we always love the involvement of parents). Anyway, my husband explained that boys need to be independent so they don't want parents to help them at the meeting. Six months ago, my (tender foot) son got in trouble at the out-of-state camp out and got suspended for 6 months. My husband picked him up and later met with the leaders. I was so confused about what to do next so I sought advice from you guys about this incident in this forum. Some said finding another troop while other said learning from this mistake and move on. At that time, my son wanted to go back to this troop because he said he has friends there. He still communicates with them briefly on my phone. Through his scout friend, he said the troop had a special meeting about the incident at the camp and put all the blame on him and another boy who is also suspended. Now, he thinks if he goes back to this troop, the other scouts will not play with him because the parents would not let them. He even said we didn't enroll him last August so he may not even be in the organization now. My husband is a passive type of guy, but I have no idea that he didn't follow through at all (at least enroll him for this year...). This month, I keep wondering why my son hasn't gone back to his troop meeting because his suspension is up. My husband just kept quiet and said nothing. I asked my son if he wants to continue, and he said yes but he just doesn't know which troop he should go (after knowing that kids from the same troop may not want to play with him anymore). Also, I don't know how easy for him to transfer to another troop because of his suspension. Last month, I found out my husband of 15 years may have Asperger (a high functioning autism), so this may explain why he tends to avoid social interactions with the troop leaders (not following through with them after the incident) and doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything that is new to him (he avoids going to the camp out with the troop). I guess he drops the ball, so the ball is on me now. At this point, I am more determined to get my boy back in Scouting so he could be exposed to other men who are more proactive in life, and hopefully some of them will become his mentors in the coming years. I don't mind calling up the troop master and getting a feel of the situation...and see if they really don't want him back? Or, should I contact another troop? This Thursday, I am honor to get a district service award at the Recognition Dinner (Roundtable). Should I wait and hope to run into the troop leader and talk to him? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
  9. Thanks for all your inputs. After some consideration, I have concluded what I need to do for their awards. I appreciate your thoughtful assistance.
  10. Thanks for your comments. Yes, I have checked their requirements. Both leaders are qualified for either Den Leader Training Award/Unit Leader of Award Merit or our District Rattler Award (that requires a more personal written recommendation from the nominator but I can do that myself). I heard the District Rattler Award has only 20 spots each year, which is more "valuable." Yes, when the Pack/Den leaders cross over, one usually gets some plagues or makes walking sticks as an appreciation gift. I do see that Unit Leader Award of Merit is required to be submitted by the Committee Chair. I am not sure if she will do that because she is new to our Pack. Also, I kinda want it as a surprise for both leaders. I feel that they are quite ready to cross over next February...in my 7 years of being with the cub scout, I found that the dedicated leaders are usually burned out after 3 or 4 years.
  11. Hi, I am the Award Chair /Coordinator for our Pack. I would like to nominate our Webelos Den Leader and Cub Master for some merit awards before they will cross over to Boy Scouts next February. I looked at the Council web site and there are many choices. Between Den Leader Training Award/Unit Leader of Award Merit and our District Rattler Award, which one has higher honor? I am grateful to have our Cub Master who stepped up 3 years ago (while nobody did) and he has been planning all the Pack meetings, den rotations, hiking/camping & all kinds of activities for our Pack. He is helpful to a lot of parents and supportive to the den leaders. Due to the new BSA policy, our church does not want to sponsor our Pack anymore. Without much support from the Council Executive, he found us a new church (they are ending our sponsorship at the end of this year too). He is a father of 3, holds a full-time job as a physician and devotes so much time and effort for the scouting. I really think he deserves a merit award at the end of this Cub Scout journey. Meanwhile, I also appreciate the Webelos II Den Leader who spends a lot of time, money and effort for his den of 20 scouts. He really makes it fun and disciplines the boys like his own. He is a strong leader and excellent role model for the boys. He organized several service projects for our Pack and put on a lot of positive energy to his den (that's why it attracts so many new scouts over the years). I would like to know which award is better fit for their positions and contributions, thanks!
  12. jsychk

    Need guidance please

    Ok, I clarified the eating part with my son this evening, whether they denied his food or not. He said no and yes. They let him to go through the food line. He got the fruit(s). When he asked to go to the salad bar, he was told to sit down. He said the whole troop knows that he only eats fruits and salad at the camp. He was hungry for 2 days (and also didn't sleep for 2 nights). He said he knows how the kids in poor countries feel about hunger. So, I told him how lucky he was because at least he knew where it would end but those poor kids would not. Of course, after he got back home, I fed him real good. To my knowledge, I don't think anyone have starved to death in America so I am not that worried.
  13. jsychk

    Need guidance please

    After the incident, my husband drove several hours to take our son home. Few days later, my husband had a brief meeting with the troop leaders when the troop came back from the camp. I don't know if this considers a "paying a visit"? Overall, it's mostly handled by phone calls between the leader(s) and my husband. Another thing is...my son said he was given no food when he was put in a place alone while waiting for my husband to pick him up at the camp (the camp site is 8 hours away). Although he probably missed a couple meals, I thought it's kinda strange. However, it may give him a taste of real hunger because he is a picky eater (with a certain food allergies). The leaders told my husband that my son hates the kid repeatedly. After "discussing" with our son, we asked him why he doesn't like the kid. Here's what he wrote: "Why I dislike the kid, I guess the best explanation is jealousy, because I can't put "I have no idea why I dislike the kid." I admit I was jealous of the fact that he had a lot of stuff I didn't, and I, like some other people, thought he was a little too "pampered." We also found him rather annoying. I know they say just stay away, but for some reason, he (the kid) followed us around; and it kind of built up over the months. Some scouts, me and another boy included, noticed his parents are more protective than ours, and found it unfair that they fought his battles for him (figuratively, of course.). While in this case, it's obvious that they have to step in, they sometimes step in for things as silly as an argument about who's tent goes where. The scout movement supports independence, but in my own and several other's opinions, his parents shouldn't be so heavily involved in scout's affairs. Again, this is only an opinion and I am not telling his parents how to parent their kid, as I (obviously) have no experience in this area. I am simply stating my opinions as asked. I did not exclude him because of his differences, because then I would have to exclude everybody, as everybody has their differences. I am aware that most of you reading this don't believe a single word of this, but as I said at the beginning, I don't know why I don't like him and I can't write a paper on that. I had to write something, so I wrote the most logical reason why I dislike him." We also asked my son to write about the incident earlier. It's rather long, but I think my husband sent both copies to the troop leader before the verdict...just let them read my son's side of the story as the one-on-one interrogation didn't show that.
  14. jsychk

    Need guidance please

    Thank you so much for each of you who take your time and tell me what you think about my situation. I really appreciate it! Although I am in CS for 7 years, I have no idea how the BS works. I have a few things I would like to respond: Since my husband handles the case with the BS leaders, I don't know if the Council investigated the case or not. In fact, my husband didn't ask any question when they told him the verdict over the phone. I would like to know whether my son can do any service project or go to merit badge university?! I don't think suspension is a good punishment because my son is probably fine staying at home and reading books. I think they should still allow him and the group to join the activities but use their free/fun time on the site to do some extra work, like moving rocks at the river or building a fence, just do some labor work that benefits others. I do see this as a learning opportunity for him because I rather see him making a mistake at 12, not 22 or 32. "Key is to make sure he is truly sorry and willing to make amends, not just sorry for being caught" is so true. After the incident, my son has created a booklet to keep track of himself doing 10 nice things a day. He said this will help him to make it as a habit. I hope that's genuine. At home, he is responsible. Over the summer, he did all our laundry, put up dishes, take the dog out several times a day, mow the lawn. Sometimes, he even helps his brothers with their homework. He did it with good attitude. Therefore, getting a call from the troop was very shocking to us. We asked my son to write his statement of the incident, he did tell the boy who tackled the kid to "let him go" and the boy did. At the end, my son is one of the two who got kicked out from the camp. The other one is the one who tackled the kid. For the rest of the group (about 10 boys), they called their parents. "the Scout who was the victim in the issue had his parent, or parents at camp, they may have had influence in the tenor of the investigation" ~ this is what my husband thinks because the victim's parent(s) attend each one of the camp. In the past, my husband said something like the kid is fine himself but the mom enables him to be annoying and not fitting in with others. Due to the popcorn, I had a brief encounter with the mom last year. I think she is an older mom who has only one son, so she does all she can to protect the kid and rescue him in all occasions. "you really need to ask if your son will get a fair shot later and if you trust the leaders to treat him fairly. If you do, then work through the issues. If you have doubts, look for another unit." That's a really helpful insight and advice for me. I told my son that if he decides to go back after 6 months, he has to be extremely behaved in every action and earn back the trust from everyone in the troop. It's not gonna be easy, but I think it's up to him. Since my son doesn't have a phone, I do let him to use my phone and have some contact with his scout friends. I just hope he won't give up scouting after 6 months. It's been a long day since I have a Pack meeting to prepare for today. Thanks again for your insight and support. Good night to you all...
  15. jsychk

    Need guidance please

    Hi, I am a mom of 3 scouts. My oldest is in Boy Scout and the youngest twos are in Cub Scout. My oldest has been a scout since Tiger, and I worked closely with him for 5 years as one of the Pack leaders. After he crossed over, I asked my husband to keep a tap on him while I focus on my two younger ones with the Cub Scout. My oldest had been going to camp out every month for 1.5 years since he joined the troop. This summer, he went to a week out-of-state camp. In the middle of the camp, the troop called us and asked us to pick him up. My husband drove several hours to retrieve him and brought him back. Next we know, it seems there are my son's version and the leader's version of the incident. The incident is about bullying one kid. After the incident, the leader interrogated each involved scout in the tent alone. At the end, the leaders concluded that my son and another scout (along with other scouts) lured the kid into the wood with sharpened sticks and want to do something to him. Few weeks later, we are told that my son would be suspended for 6 months. Actually I have heard about this kid quite a bit from my son because my son complained that he got so much privilege from his mom at the camp. For example, when the patrol burned the food and everyone got nothing to eat, this kid's mother delivered him a meal. Or, when every scout slept in the hot tent, this kid stayed with his parent in an "air-conditioned" tent. I don't know if this is the norm, but I think some boys gradually didn't see it fair and excluded the kid naturally. My son ensured that nobody planned to hurt the kid at all. At the camp, the scouts played with each other as usual. After being told not to climb trees, they decided to run a club, created races and set up trials for the club. Out of a sudden, one scout played with an idea of asking the kid to join, knowing that the kid would probably fail all the trials. The kid happily accepted the invitation and went along. At the end, he failed all the trials except "sharping the stick". The kid still wanted to join the club, so the others continued to play (with) him. At some point, they played a game and asked the kid to hide inside the tent, and the others tried to catch him out of a surprise. The kid escaped and one boy tackled him. Then, the adults got involved. In the process of the interrogation, my son said the leader repeatedly asked the same question until he agreed to it even he knew nothing about it. I understand the BS is taken after the military, but is this the procedure to punish boys in this situation? For half a year? We talked to my son several times and he said he learned his mistake. Until few days ago, he still couldn't sleep well and had nightmares about it. I asked him if he wants to change troop. He said no because he has friends there but I don't know what he will face after 6 months?! Need guidance please....
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