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Scouts only wanting to hang out with their friends, and no one else in the Troop

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  • #16
    I've had the conversation with a number of boys over the years that the Scouting program is comprised of a number of things. There's just some stuff we do as Scouts. There is more to it that the sum of the activies How we do things is as important as what we do. Working together in patrols is one of them.

    Maybe you should help these families reexamine their interest in the program.

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    • #17
      Those 13 year olds ...

      First of all, friendships are a good thing. But somehow you have to get it into their heads that for friendships to last, they are going to have to nurture them. The patrol method is for just that. Really, you should not have let a do-nothing PL go for 3 months. But now, right now, you should ask those boys to seriously think if one of them could do a better job. Tell the PL that it was just the wrong position for him, and you're suggesting a break until he is ready to start giving back to scouting.

      I honestly think you've got plenty of ideas from everyone here. Don't got a clear idea of the rich kid's dad. Is he trying to do the right thing, or does he not have a clue? Anyway, if there's a chance your parents' are capable of "getting a clue." Get them in the same room and let them know you want to raise the bar for these boys, but you also have 50 others who deserve your time and respect.

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      • #18
        My experience is that friendships are priority #1 to most kids. I'd find a way to leverage it and not fight it. If they are going to spend time together anyway, let them be a patrol ... if that's what they want.

        http://scoutingmagazine.org/2012/04/how-scouts-friendships-strengthen-patrols/

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        • #19
          Thanks everyone. Some great advice here. Nothing is that simple to explain, nor handle. I'm glade that all of you have chimed in. Again thanks. I am going to think this over, and talk to some other ASMs about this this weekend. And even talk to a few parents to get more advice about how to deal with this. I don't like to see a boy quit. I don't want him to think he wants to quit. I've realized that they say one thing and do another. I suggested to the Rich kids dad to not let him quit. He was very sure in his ugly answer to me, that if his son wanted to quit then he could quit. I was like, OK, and let it go at that. But I would never let mine quit. I would talk to him, and find out what's going on inside. This happened to my son a coupe of years ago. He wanted to quit, but after talking to hi, I found out what was really going on. And now he's been to NYLT, and is the ASPL.

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          • #20
            Ya know what's funny? We both said "rich kid's dad" instead of "rich dad"! Whatever you failed to describe to us, in that phrase you conveyed an sense of impoverishment not offset by $$'s in the bank!

            Anyway, this kid and his mates seem to be worth keeping to you. Hopefully, he'll appreciate it as you ask a little more of him.

            I look forward to hearing how it plays out.

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            • #21
              I mean it really doesn't seem odd to me that friends want to stay together...when you split them up, it probably irritated them...so you got bad (or worse) behavior.

              It they really are difficult to deal with, putting them in one patrol limits the damage they can do.

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              • #22
                >>I mean it really doesn't seem odd to me that friends want to stay together...when you split them up, it probably irritated them...so you got bad (or worse) behavior.

                It they really are difficult to deal with, putting them in one patrol limits the damage they can do.

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                • #23
                  Barry,

                  I think you've hit the nail on the head. One thing I have seen in my 5 years of adult scouting, and that' not very long I know, is that when the parents don't do their job, then the SM has a problem. I've either become a dad to non outdoor families scouts, or I am the bad guy because the parent isn't comfortable being a parent. Also we have older parents, as in 50's with young children, and the dads sometimes seem to be two generations away from understanding their sons.. That's also what's going on here. Another thing is that several of these scouts aren't American, so they a missing that connection. They already hang out together everyday, and weekends, and only want to hang out every meetings. and do nothing. Like I said, I am going to talk this over with some of the dads this weekend who are there. they ones who are not there I'll catch them later. ANd again, one boy lost his mother a couple of years ago, and his father is now in a new relationship, so the boy is missing out on a father. YOur right, this isn't about kicking out Scout, it's finding a way to keep them in the program. THese boys will do better in the program then outside of it.

                  This also answers again my old saying about if it weren't for parents, scouting would be fun.. we need adults who help, but not parents who don't..

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