The Fine Line I walk as an ASM and as a Dad

[OwntheNight 10]

Was coming home yesterday from the troop meeting with my son, and I noticed he was more subdued than usual. After some coaxing and prodding, my son tells me he heard one of his patrol members tell another patrol member when we came in the building, this other scout pointed to the both of us and said " Those two are idiots". Knowing the scout who said this, I dismissed it as an 11 yr old trying to show off to his buddies, and began explaining to my son the whole "sticks and stones" theory. I was then greeted by an emphatic "That's not FAIR, Dad!" I finally ask my son what he would like to see happen to this other Scout because of what he said. " I want him kicked out of the Troop" At this point, ASM radar shuts off and Dad radar comes on. There is something more to this, than just name calling. I am finally able to get out of my son that this is the third incident he's had with this other scout. The first happened on a campout about 2 months ago, when both boys had an argument about the sleeping arrangements in the patrol tent. Apparently, this other scout kicked my son in the back and then my son supposedly kicked him back in the leg. (This is the information I've gotten from my son, so No, I don't have all the facts, I understand this) The other scout got out of the tent and told the PL and APL that my son kicked him. PL and APL ask to see his leg and scout shows them a scar. Both the PL and APL tell this scout if he had been kicked, there would have been a mark or a bruise of some sort. This scout finally said that my son didn't kick him, and the PL gave him a fair punishment by making him pack my son's bag and gear from the weekend. Thrilled from an ASM stand point that the boys took care of it themselves. The second incident happened on the last campout ( which I didn't attend)when this scout (according to my son) came up and hit him in the head, not hard enough to hurt him, and quick enough that nobody saw him do it either. As an ASM, I'm supposed to be a role model for living the scout oath and law. As a father, I can't stand back and not stand up for my child. He needs to know I have his back, because that's what we do as parents. My dilemma is this: My son enjoys scouting, I don't want him to get a bad taste for it and then decide he doesn't want to do this anymore because of this boy. On the other hand, knowing the situation this other boy is in (family issues,hyperactivity)I know this boy needs myself and the rest of the troop to be an inner circle for him in finding his purpose in life. He needs scouting now, he just doesn't realize it yet. I recognize this behavior as a call for attention, It just stinks that my son has to be the object of this attention. I decided to talk with a good friend, who is an ASM in the troop also, and explained the situation. He thought that this was inappropriate behavior for any scout and would contact the SM for his opinion. My ASM buddy called back and said that he and the SM would monitor the situation and speak with all the patrol's about behavior like this. This is unacceptable for any scout of any age. Sounds like a scoutmaster minute in the works.They also want to stress the importance of working together as a team. ASM also asked to talk to my son, and told him that if the situation happens again on a scout function, he needed to find any of the ASM's or the SM and let them know what happened. He also told me they might talk to the father of this scout to reiterate what they are trying to do as leaders for the troop. The next step will probably be a SMC with the boy if needed. I'm OK with the outcome. I don't want to see two kids lose the opportunity that scouting provides. It is definitely a fine line between ASM and Dad.

 

Thanks for letting me get this out by the campfire.

[Roadkill Patrol 25]

You are by no means alone. My son has had issues too with being picked on in the troop and it does blur the lines between ASM & Dad. Whenever possible, I try to get my son to talk to the PL or SPL as much as possible, or even another ASM. He doesn't want me dealing with it because he says it will only get worse if he is deemed to be "runnning to daddy". This other scout that picks on him also does this at school, where he has talked about it with his teachers. Thankfully, this boy finally left the troop on his own.

[Horizon 97]

Good luck - bullying behavior is something that I think ALL of us deal with in our Troops. It comes with the age of the boys.

 

It sounds like your Troop has the situation in hand. A good Patrol Leader, and a Scoutmaster who will take this off of your hands. That is a perfect place to be - support from your SM and other ASMs, so that you can be your son's dad instead of the ASM at times.

 

I am the SM, and my son was recently elected SPL. We have a game we play - when he addresses me as Scoutmaster, he is talking to me as the SPL. When I call for the SPL, I am NOT talking to my son. It helps.

[packsaddle 753]

As with Roadkill Patrol, mine did too. It is a fine line and so I was ASM and another dad was SM. We agreed up front to swap places with regard to our sons at troop functions. The other son was not the bully but he got into his share of bad choices, I really liked him but he had a streak of mischief (mostly from being unencumbered by the thought process). But this allowed both of us dads to lead and our sons to participate as if their 'father' was back at home. Or close to it. It worked out well for us.

[Gunny2862 11]

I am our Troops SM,

One of the first things I did when I put on the hat was to ensure the ASM's all knew that if I was talking to my son on an outing it'd better be as SPL, ASPL, or a PL or Scout they'd sent to me.

 

They all concurred and we pretty much don't deal with our own kids to any extent possible on any outing.