Eagle1984 10 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Need some help on this one. How would you handle a leader in a unit, who is also a parent, that is always making "waves" within the unit. This leader/parent second guesses everything that the scoutmaster does and does the same with the committee. What would you do ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Senior_Patrol_Leader_T15 10 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Sounds like the lady that was in my troop. OGE and dsteele know alot about this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob White 20 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Just because they are the lone voice does not mean they are wrong. Are their opinions and concerns valid? Has anyone sat down with them and discused their concerns? What is an example of ways they have caused waves? Bob White Link to post Share on other sites
buffalo2 14 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Sounds like someone needs something to do... Link to post Share on other sites
evmori 11 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Like Bob posted, we need more details. Ed Mori 1 Peter 4:10 Link to post Share on other sites
FScouter 24 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 The leader may feel like being on the outside looking in. Give that person a project to work on, or some area in which to be in charge. Link to post Share on other sites
SM406 10 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 That leader sounds a little like me. At the time, I had more training than the SM or most on the Committee. I felt like the adult leadership was giving lip service to the concept of the unit being boy lead and run. SM conferences were tests as were the BOR. I had several meetings with the COR and CC trying to express my concerns and there response was if you are so unhappy why don't you leave. It was not long after that an opportunity came up in another troop. We were gone in a heart beat. I would listen carefully to what the leader/parent is saying. If this person is also trained you may want to hear them out. Just because the Scoutmaster has been there for a while doesn't mean he is doing it right. Link to post Share on other sites
acco40 95 Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 The Troop Committee recommends adult leaders. The CO/COR approves and removes adult leaders. Work within the system to seek change. A SM should never be second guessed in front of the boys unless it is an immediate health and safety issue. However, the SM certainly is not always correct and should be open to advice from all. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle1984 10 Posted November 28, 2003 Author Share Posted November 28, 2003 The SM & CC have sat down with this leader/parent, but after a month or so, the problem has re-emerged and is causing the same problem all over again. I have talked to the COR, SM, and CC about this and have asked for this meeting to happen again, but with the COR there with the SM & CC this time. If the problem continues after the meeting, I have informed them that I will file a complaint against this leader and have them removed from the unit. Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle1984 10 Posted November 28, 2003 Author Share Posted November 28, 2003 Thanks everyone for your help. The SM & CC have sat down with this leader/parent, but after a month or so, the problem has re-emerged and is causing the same problem all over again. I have talked to the COR, SM, and CC about this and have asked for this meeting to happen again, but with the COR there with the SM & CC this time. If the problem continues after the meeting, I have informed them that I will file a complaint against this leader and have them removed from the unit. Link to post Share on other sites
scouter659 10 Posted November 29, 2003 Share Posted November 29, 2003 I agree with a few of the other posts that mention that a little more information would be helpful. We recently experienced a problem like this. It was a complicated matter that would take up an awful lot of space to get into but the bottom line was that he had to go. He was quite a negative influence on an otherwise very smooth sailing ship. We discussed the matter with our Dist. Executive and Dist. Director as well as the head of our institution before sending him a registered letter that basically described the reasons for us asking him to leave the Unit. Understand that this kind of thing is always an absolute last resort. This was an unpleasant experience for us as well as for him but it was understood among the leadership that it was the right thing to do. We have our share of complainers like most Troops do. When complaining grossly crosses the line and spills out beyond the Unit then something has to be done for the good of the group. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraT7 13 Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 As a determined Tsunami starter myself, and having dealt with other adults who didn't go with the flow of the troop, I can empathise with both sides. As the others have said, we need more info. the person MAY have some valid complaints, or may just be trying to throw weight around. We had an ASM who was very valuble to the boys and our troop in skills and ability - however, she had a habit of making decisions without consulting the SM, Committee or other leaders. Stuff like; deciding to cancel an outing after the boys showed up, because 'only' 5 boys & 2 leaders 'wasn't enough. like signing the troop up for a labor-intensive, long-term fundraiser without consulting anyone else. (she and her son ended up providing ALL the labor.) She undermined the troop by cornering adults and asking them to 'vote' for a certain new SM by spreading untrue gossip about the current SM. We tried giving her specific Duties, she took over other's jobs anyway. We tried talking to her, multiple times. it only pushed her to her underhanded tactics. Eventually, when the new SM was chosen, by our CC and CO and it was NOT her supported choice - she and her son went to another troop, with the SM she wanted. it's actually kind of sad, as the new troop is an old fashioned male -run troop, and she is kept firmly out of any activities other than badge counseling and bake sales. Her son still attends school with our boys, and she still occasionally counsels certain badges for our boys, but her son has lost much interest in scouting and is not really active in his new troop. he is still friends with many of our scouts. Link to post Share on other sites
EagleInKY 14 Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 As with others, I'd have to know more to give a good answer. But, I'll give it a try anyway ;-) I had a parent that did some of this. Nothing major, just questioning decisions, talking behind the SM & ASM backs. This person is a negative person who always looks for the bad in every situation. I tackled it from multiple directions. One, if I heard him complaining, I asked for clarification. He usually would back down. Two, I made sure that he had some responsibility, and held him accountable for it. This occupied a lot of his time, and left him with lest time to complain. Finally, I made sure that I was delegating as much responsibility that I could to the committee members or to the PLC. Then, if he complained about a piece of equipment that was bought, it was the Equipment Chairman, not me he was questioning. When it was something with advancment, it was the advancment chairman, not me. Eventually, he runs out of people to complain to. Link to post Share on other sites
KoreaScouter 13 Posted December 3, 2003 Share Posted December 3, 2003 There's a lot to be said for "staying in your lane", too. In a previous life, I had a parent, also registered as a committee member, who was very difficult to get along with, and seemed to particularly enjoy grinding the axe on my hide. Had no training, wasn't interested in getting any, and had a "notion" of how BSA units were supposed to operate that often deviated considerably from the books. It was a lot easier to force this person into their respective lane if I was in mine. KS Link to post Share on other sites
Eamonn 61 Posted December 4, 2003 Share Posted December 4, 2003 Bob White makes a good point. "Even a clock that has stopped is right twice a day." Some people are not happy unless they have something to complain or grumble about. Heck I have been known to be a bit of a whiner myself. I very often use humor or wit. At times I will give the person a big smile and ask "Are you complaining Again?" This is ok for the petty things. When there is a real issue I fall back on the Wood Badge Training. And the big questions 1/ What do you want? 2/ What are you prepared to do to get it? 3/ Is there another way? When you ask these questions in this order and really listen to the answers you will find that most things can be worked out. I also find that trying to keep everything in the present helps. At times I have a problem with this. Just because someone has done something in the past, when I'm dealing with them I have to deal with what is at hand not my history of what happened in the past. Sometimes people make waves because we have not done a good good job of communicating with them. I had a Scoutmaster in our district who was really anti district. He thought that all we ever did was ask for money. I sat down with him and went over where the money was being spent. While he never signed up to be a FOS presenter. He quit being such a pain in the you know where and even allowed the presentation in the troop. Of course if all else fails there is always the Raspberry!! Eamonn Link to post Share on other sites
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