sticky situation

[ManyHats 10]

My assistant leader isn't much help lately. She is divorced and doesn't feel the need to help out if it's not her weekend with her son. I also have Pack responsiblities, so our den can get the shaft when I'm really busy. I have a parent that has been stepping up and helping. I'd really like to have her as an assistant. I don't want a confrontation but would like to say step up or step down. What would you do?

[SctDad 10]

I have not seen anywhere where it says how many assistance that you can have. Sign up this new leader if they want to. Have two assistants. That would be nice.

[dg98adams 18]

I was typing the same thing...sign her up as another Assistant leader.

[ScoutNut 147]

Yep, 2 registered assistants are WAY better than none!

 

BTW, make sure all of your leaders feel like they are a part of your den's leadership tram, not just an extra pair of hands, or a go-fer.

 

 

[Melgamatic 16]

I have three ACMs right now, looking for another couple.

 

With multiple ACMs there is less pressure on them to step up to CM, so it's easier to get volunteers. If there is only one ACM, they will feel the pressure.

 

One handles most of the camping stuff, another handles odd jobs, another assists with a lot of the CC/registration stuff, etc. It's great!

 

[Lisabob 13]

Assign your original assistant to duties that are more background work. Assign your new assistant to duties that are more hands-on. Or, ask them to take alternating meetings, or something along those lines.

 

From what you write, your first assistant may be one who will burn out completely if you insist on her doing more than she's willing or comfortable or interested in doing. Better to find a way to utilize the time she can give, than to turn her off completely and have her boy quit.

[ManyHats 10]

Originally we were suppose to be co-leaders this year. She offered to get together to plan out the year. That never happened and not because of me. We did talk at football practice. Maybe she feels like I took over, but I can't handle not having a rough plan. I did tell her I hadn't come up with any fun ideas for the fitness activity badge. She agreed to do it and followed through.

I have a real problem with her on the phone and leaving me without 2 deep leadership.

[KISMIF_Works 10]

As a Den Leader, I can quickly group the other parents in my den as:

 

- Not present (usually drops the boy off and picks him up at the end)

- Present, but not really there (prefers to chat with the other parents)

- Present and hangs back with other parents, but will help if specifically asked

- Present, jumps in to help without being asked

- Uniformed assistant, but does not want to plan/lead

 

Finding somebody willing to help out as an assistant has been difficult. It sounds like you have a part-time assistant, and if it were me I would avoid forcing her to "step down" ("stepping up" is unlikely, right?) unless she was doing something to negatively impact the boys' experience.

 

I was thinking "Two-deep leadership" during your original post, as a rational way of explaining why you need to take on another assistant. I can't see a reason why she would feel slighted by that explanation when she surely knows she can't be relied on for perfect attendance.

[ManyHats 10]

I like that approach. Everyone knows she will not attend when it is not her weekend with her son. So if I turn it around as a CYA as the reason I'm asking another parent to be an assistant it will go over better.

[KISMIF_Works 10]

Also consider spinning it as a positive - another parent in the den is so excited about the program that she wants to be an adult leader, too! How could anyone possibly have a problem with another parent wanting to be involved as well?

[CubsRgr8 10]

How could anyone possibly have a problem with another parent wanting to be involved as well?

 

You'd be surprised how quickly some people's noses get bent out of joint. That said, I think your solution, citing two deep coverage, should smooth the waters. Perhaps this other mom's enthusiasm will allow her to transition into den leader next year.

[KISMIF_Works 10]

CubsRgr8 - agreed, and I've witnessed it myself.

 

We have an adult leader who stretched herself waaaaay too thin last year, and the result was that she became unreliable in the areas for which she was taking responsibility. One of those responsibilities was securing advancements, and failing to come through there simply won't do.

 

This year I recruited a new adult volunteer to serve only as our Advancement Chair. This was met with resistance from the other leader, but I spun it as:

 

- Isn't it great that we have another adult willing to help out?

- The pack needs as much help from as many adults as possible (shared responsibility)

- Now you don't have to be burdened with that job anymore, and can focus on your titled position instead

 

Now whether or not that actually smoothed things out with her, I don't know. But in my opinion it was a much more diplomatic explanation than "you did a bad job last year so you were replaced".

 

[Scoutfish 16]

Okay, I'll be the odd man out here: As a former captain and asst chief of a volunteer fire dept and water rescue unit, I had experience with folks who also had children on our "Jr Squad". These parents wanted to be Jr Leaders - that is what we called adult leaders of our jr squad- , but in reality, they only wanted to hover over or work with their own kids.

 

At first, i too thought : "Any help is better than no help."...but soon found out the contrary. THis position was taken up for personal reasons and personal interests only. That adults kid had more than plenty of one on one time while other kids were completly ignored or patronized. The result? You end up with a squad of 1 child!

Now here's the issue : You have to ask yourself why you and the boys are here?

 

What is the purpose of Scouting?

 

What is the purpose of an asst?

What is the goal of everybody volunteering their time and getting togetrher?

 

The boys! All of them!

 

The assit is suppost to assit with the den/pack, whole shebang, right? If this assistant is only concentrating on one child, THEIR CHILD , then what is the benefit? In the bigger picture, what is the negative?

I personally think this asst should be (kindly and tactfully) asked to step aside as an asst, but be wholely and warmly welcomed as an active parent.

[Scoutfish 16]

Simply put, the greater good of the WHOLE pack/ troop is a priority over any one parents feelings.

She is not an ASSIT, she is not assisting you. She is concentrating only on her child at her convienance!

[FScouter 24]

If as you say the den is getting the "shaft" because of being busy with your pack responsibilities, the solution then is to give up that job and tell the Cubmaster to recruit an assistant Cubmaster so you can properly do your Den Leader responsibilities.