Life

On 7/31/2021 at 10:55 PM, SiouxRanger said:

(deleted)

You still have ‘yellow pages’ ? 

42 minutes ago, ThenNow said:

Sir, this is extremely well said. Poetic even, in a very painful “hits the broken thumb squarely” once again kind of way. I am 100% convinced this is the untold story that seldom enters the discussion, here or elsewhere, mainly because it is gruesome and uncomfortable. As I have said, the abuse is the abuse is the abuse. It’s the aftermath. 

I don’t know how far back you read but we had a nice jousting session after I brought up the term “soul murder” as coined by Leonard Shengold in his heralded book, Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Neglect (2017). It was curious when I likened child sexual abuse to the murder of a soul. Ironically, I was almost virtually assisinated for making such a claim. “Where’s the body, if there was a murder?” I launched into “I’ll show you the body!! How much time do you have?” People don’t get this. I told a therapist years ago that child sexual abuse is the original identity thief.

You said it so well, brother. So very, very well. I hate that you know this reality so deeply that you could paint such a picture, but hopefully it helps drive home this critical point.

Thank you. It’s easy to see who relates and doesn’t by the words they write. I can tell that you do and I wish you didn’t. I wish we didn’t understand. 
 

an old therapist (a long time ago, and to be fair, old) of mine told me the child sexual abuse is the worse crime that can be committed against a child. That murder would be mercy in comparison. Worse is to have your soul snatched away and replaced with nothing. I use harsh words because people don’t want to hear the reality of it. 
 

I hear you and the others brother. I find solace in the stories I read from us. 

would you believe I’m actually funny? No really, I am, hilarious. 

It’s interesting to read all this. I can sense the court process is causing ‘feelings’ nothing more than feelings. (You know the words). It should. For many of us (me) this all brings up the unseen effects of the molest. The years of psychic pain, confusion, loss of self. Actually, the complete loss of self. I likened to being a cute little wind up toy Wound up at birth and sent on its path. In perfect direction on course to a chance at all that is so easily received in life by many. Then some bully comes along and kicks it, HARD, sending the toy hurling through the air, then crash right into a wall! Now laying on its side, dented, scratched, and broken. The toy is set back on its feet. Still walking but now in circles, now it makes funny noises. Now it seems defective and used inappropriately. Now sent off its original trajectory. Never to be the same again. Repairs are made, but it will always function differently then had it never been kicked. We scolded the bully and at least the other toys are fine. 
 

the ramifications of children’s sexual abuse (acronyms can be disarming) run deep and wide, beyond human conception unless you are the human.  Many studies come close to describing the trauma but none actually do. 
 

there is the perception of ‘well, at least only a few kids were molested, raped, manipulated and ruined. Thank goodness we stopped this one. For now. 
 

then there is the perception that kids got molested, raped, manipulated and ruined. lives are destroyed and misaligned. 
 

I don’t think we can rest thinking we can minimize the damage. We have to eliminate the risk, period. These kids have to grow up. Some will become addicts and live in those frames. Recovery is tough when it’s trauma related. 
 

my point is to look at each victim. Not the kids that were un harmed. 
 

this bankruptcy has nothing to do with us. It never really did. But now it’s a joke. And we are here, some for resolve and some to minimize the damage. 
 

what about justice? Healing? And why this is not at the forefront of the proceedings is mind numbing. 
 

there is always away to solve a problem. But we have to look at the problem and this one is uncomfortable to look at. For all of society. 
 

18 minutes ago, ThenNow said:

This is not me picking yet another nit, rather speaking to others for whom masculinity has never been a place of refuge or a safe place. Maybe I’m alone. I never found it a shadow to step into as a way to avoid exposure. I found it uncomfortable and unnatural, which created a whole other stigma; going against the grain of the expected. I have never been a man’s man, exuding or wanting to exude machismo. I have always been more inclined to deep conversation and emotional vulnerability. I haven’t alway been fully self-disclosing, of course, but that was shame-based and not related to any projected image. There are many reasons those among us have not stepped forward. I grant any and all reasons as valid. But for some, we have torn ourselves inside out for years and paid a whole other price for it. Abandonment. Magnified shame. Further self-condemnation and I could drone on and on. I’ll spare everyone...for now. 

Much moved and relate %100. If it weren’t for this job thing I have to be at I would be responding in depth. I shall do that after work. 
 

thanks for the words. 

https://fox2now.com/news/missouri/boy-scout-chaperone-accused-of-placing-hidden-cameras-in-bathrooms-at-summer-camp/amp/

im confused and angry. Forgive me if this is not the place to post this and I will remove it. All the while squabbling in court to compensate past csa survivors while creating more victims.  The irony. 

2 hours ago, ThenNow said:

Yup. Here, here. I think I mentioned rotting fish up yonder and a bunch of material for a melodrama. Adopting the suggested analogy, I'm calling it, "The Chapter 11 Circus Came to Town." I'll shorten it. That's just the working title.

Subtitle: And it Never Left. 

On 7/24/2021 at 5:00 PM, prof said:

@Life Welcome to the campfire.

Thank you. 

2 hours ago, ThenNow said:

I want to compliment the Scouters who’ve been on this thread since I removed my invisibility cloak and have slogged through some challenging conversations. Some bailed out due to frustration and/or anger. We’ve come a long way. Allowing “us” to be heard and substantively contribute means a lot. As you know, no one else in the organization is really hearing us, much less engaging in dialogue from a motive of human understanding alone. They may be listening strategically, but that means little (to me). 

Part of wanting to chime in is for this very reason. This whole thing doesn't even feel remotely like looking out for us. It would be childish to believe that it could have been for that. Things would move quicker if they were. Humble opinion.  I do appreciate what I heard at the last town hall. The measures that will go in effect to minimize future abuse. I also believe that by us all standing up and making some noise will perhaps help to minimize future abuse. In short we can help look out for those that the BSA has failed to do in the past. 

6 hours ago, MattR said:

Welcome to the forum, @Life. It's really hard for me to believe you're the first person to grab the user name "Life". Don't get me wrong, I was a life scout when I left scouts.

Humor is a good way to deal with pain. Best of luck.

I'm hoping this forum helps some of those victims. So thank you for being brave and speaking up.

 

 

I wanted Lif01-32almostaneagle21 but that was taken. Thank you for the welcome!

2 hours ago, ThenNow said:

Welcome. I am truly sorry for what you endured, now this painful saga. As you accurately said, at least now we are not completely alone, bumping around in the dark of our hyper-focused minds and muddling through. Come what may as the circus continues, we finally have a cohort, though we remain anonymous. It is better than we had and there is comfort in it, I believe. 

Thank you, and I empathize as well. 
 

well stated on the hyper focused mind. The muddling. Grateful for the welcome. 

1 hour ago, johnsch322 said:

Welcome to the club @life. Please don't feel like you need to wait for another calm before you chime in.  I believe next week from the filings I read yesterday there will be another storm brewing this coming week.  When the storms from the bankruptcy and the storms in my head are raging is when I feel the most need  to reach out here.  I have not written much this past couple of weeks but I guess it is because my Prozac seems to be doing its job.  @ThenNowsays it well

 

 

Thank you. Thanks to you all I’ve been able to see what’s really going on beyond what the media likes to spin. 
 

ll bet you two 20mg Prozac pill that we may need more Prozac before this is done. 
 

im in this with you all also! 

32 minutes ago, ALongWalk said:

@life welcome to the forum. I hope this is a place where you can find community, information, happiness, and solace. 

Thank you. I have so far! 

I remember going to the circus when I was a kid and remember it being a lot more fun. Same treatment of the animals though. 
 

ive been following this forum for awhile now and just now decided to chime in. Seems like a calm before the storm so I wanted to pipe up. 
 

ive been involved in this since before the bankruptcy. My state, I don’t own it, opened its window in 2020 and my lawyer team filed on my behalf on the 2nd of Jan. They warned it could turn to BR. They even asked if I still wanted to go through with it after that fact. Now I understand why it was questionable. But here I am. 
 

I am much impressed by everything you all have contributed. The responses have been courteous and well informed. 
 

it pains me that I follow this( daily when I’m obsessed with it) I made it to life scout. My brother got eagle and I got… well, that’s why I’m here. 
 

Comedy has been my saving grace, once I pulled out of the self destructive path I had found as a solution. When all this is over I’m going to have a lot of new material. 😉 

I use to feel alone in this, now I feel I have 84000 compadres, some false friends I wonder. We could fill the Glenn Hellen amphitheater, but some would be left out side the arena. Which I’m sure may be the case. 
 

thank you gentlemen.