How did you do with the adjustment

[msnowman 10]

from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts when you Scout bridged over? Its been about a month and so far I think Nephew and I are making the transition graciously. He knows he can practice his skills with with me before he has to show his progress to "the guys" and get one of them to sign off in his book. When he asks "can I" or "who does" I refer him to his 1 - PL or 2 - SPL or 3 - his Eagle Scout Hero. I am trying really hard not to do the work for him as far as finding answers. Instead I try to give him the tools to get the answers himself. He knows I am willing to work with him as he practices his skills and help him be prepared for meetings and such, but that he has to do the work. I know its working because this past weekend I told him You can go play Diablo if you want to or go play with (generic next door neighbor child) His answer? Or work on knots. He has nearly mastered all of the required knots thru First Class. I promised to teach him how to do a Monkeys Fist after he masters the required knots.

 

The hardest part for me in this whole transition is that I dont have a say. I was his Adult partner for Tigers, ADL for Wolf, started as DL for Bears before becoming Cubmaster. And I dont mean having a say as far as what the boys do. Thats the BOY lead part of it. I mean having a say about when campership forms get turned in, when registration cards for camp go out, etc.

 

Nephew had his first Scoutmaster Conference for his Scout Badge 2 weeks ago and of course made it through without a problem. When we got home afterwards he is talking about it and says to me Tia, only 6 more to go. He has his sights set high and it is a goal he has set for himself. To make it happen his wants to go back to swim class so he can be sure he can pass the swimmers test at camp this year (he just started learning to swim 2 years ago so he could pass aquanaut, but still isnt comfortable with it). I told him Id make sure he got to the Y if thats what he wanted since its Maine and by the time you can swim in the ponds he will already be at camp.

 

Is there something else I should be doing to be supportive of my new Scout? I go to the meetings and make myself better known to the other parents, committee members etc (no, the Pack and Troop arent close but it is a small town so everybody knows everybody else and their business). I have dropped him off just once at a meeting and as he becomes more reliable I will do so more often so he doesnt have Oh, Tia is watching in the back of his head. The reliable part I know will come with some time and maturity, he is still only 11 and in the 5th grade, he didnt suddenly become 100% reliable simply because his shoulder loops changed from blue to red. He is his patrol scribe, so he is getting better at taking notes and always has his notebook (and scout book with him).

 

Thanks for any advice

Michelle - CM, Pack 102, Orland, ME

 

[kenk 11]

Oh man, do I dread having to go through what you're going through right now.

 

My son will be Webelos II next year and will graduate to a troop in Spring 2006. He has Asperger's Syndrome (AS), which means he definitely has some social issues (he's a NICE kid - just doesn't understand how to behave or get along sometimes) and problems organizing (completing requirements). For example it is very common to find him arguing very loud about something simply because my doesn't understand the whole situation. My son thinks "he's right", when he might not be. But he can't let it go. Another problem is when he has a melt down either because he didn't win a game, or because he couldn't complete a project on time. It can ruin the rest of his day. All of these are very typical AS.

 

In Webelos I'm trying to have him organize completion of the Activity requirements, but it is very hard for him to do on his own. He learns new skills VERY fast (typical AS) but struggles to plan ahead and organize (also typical AS). At least he's trying.

 

As you say, my plan is to help him learn skills at home - at least those that he can learn at home, but to be as hands off as possible. Because of the AS, I will likely try to be at most activities - to help handle any AS-related situations that arrise - but otherwise to stay in the background and help where ever needed. I've done that at Cub Scout Day Camp the last two years, and that seems to work well. This summer I will do the same, but try to stay even more in the background as far as my son is concerned. He just doesn't do well unless there is at least one adult that understand his AS issues and steps in when they flame up.

 

I was very glad to hear that many troop put boys into a "new scout" patrol. This should help a lot, especially if a bunch of boys from his current den join the same troop.

 

Most likely my son and I will have to have a discussion with his adult and youth leaders so they know what AS is and how to help deal with my son's special issues/needs.

[OneHour 11]

We have 23 new scouts joined our troop recently. Of those 23 scouts, I know about 1/2 of them because of my affiliation with the Pack. Several of the parents have problem of "letting go." They asked how can they participate.

 

Well, we held a parents meeting and this is what we asked of them:

 

1) Help your scout by encourage him to live the Scout Oath, Law, and Motto. (Don't forget the Outdoor Code)

 

2) Help your scout by taking him to the troop meetings and activities.

 

3) Help us to help them by volunteer for the various positions that are available in the troop (committee and program side) by doing this you will help us making sure that we (as youth leaders and adult leaders) deliver the program to your scout as promised.

 

4) You set good examples to your scout by live the Scout Oath, Law, and Motto.

 

5) Let our senior scouts deal with the issues (good, bad, or otherwise) and then allow our adult leaders to help our senior scouts if they need the help. (in other words, don't lecture, correct, or admonish your son).

 

6) If your son hold a position of leadership, please coach him on making right decision and/or on planning.

 

7) Keep up and encourage him with his rank advancement but don't do for him. Let him have the autonomy to do as he sees fit.

 

8) If your scout has special needs, please let us know so that we can make his scouting experience better. We may ask you to assist.

 

and finally

 

9) Have fun with us.

 

That's it!

 

 

1Hour

 

ps: the worst thing that you can do is to volunteer just to watch after him! For example, one of the father asked if he can go on our Camporee last week. His son didn't want him to go because the scout wanted independence. I talked to the scout and asked his dad to go but we kept the father busy with tasks with other scouts. The father didn't have a lot of interaction with his son. They both enjoyed the Camporee!(This message has been edited by OneHour)

[kenk 11]

OneHour,

 

Your ps is correct. I suppose I'm so used to the Day Camp scenario - where the adult leadership is primarily kids' parents who don't want to be there in the first place. The first day of Cub Scout Day Camp three years ago I was called and asked to come remove him because of his meltdowns. Like I said, all he needs is a near-adult (an older Scout would be well) that can help him calm down after a meltdown (which are getting better as he ages).

 

In Boy Scouts my son will be with youth and adult leaders who will have a chance to get to know him. I will say that I have been more than impressed with the youth leadership at Cub Scout Day Camp.

 

Lately we've purchased several books on Asperger's Syndrome that are written to be read by kids in hopes he'll share them with his classroom and his den. Much of his problem is simply that people misinterpret why he thinks/acts the way he does.

 

In the back of my mind though I fear that if they know he is has AS, then they'll bully him even more. AS is a tough condition for kids to have - they call them "bully magnets" or "the perfect targets".

 

My only solice in the long run is that he'll be VERY big (likely 6' 7" by mid high school) and has been in Taekwando for two years now and plans to continue(learning how to focus and how to defend himself both physically and mentally, if necessary).

[OneHour 11]

kenk,

 

If you explain your son's special needs to the SPL and to the troop, they will understand. I had to explain one of the scouts who has night terror and claustrophobia to them. Before that, they thought that it's this scout way of misbehaving at night (yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs)(it is not a pleasant experience for us adults). They, of course, joined in. Next morning, they laughed about it, because they did not know who did it or why. I found out about the scout's issue through his parents later on and explained it to the SPL and his staff and then to the troop. After that, the boys were very understanding.

 

A scout is ... hepful, friendly, courteous, and kind are the scout laws that I use to remind any of the boys who proceed to make fun of others.

 

Any help that you can provide to the SPL and his staff as well as the adult leaders to help your son's situation would be greatly appreciated by them. If you are the only one or feel that you need to be there to calm him down or prevent him from injuring himself or other scouts, then it is the right thing to do. Just don't hide his medical needs and let the troops find it out on their own. That's what happened in our case.

 

1Hour(This message has been edited by OneHour)

[msnowman 10]

Our Troop is too small for a New Scout Patrol (about 14 boys all together, only 2 from Cubs this year and 2 last year), but there is a younger patrol (with an older Scout 'guide') and then the patrol of older boys. Because of the troop size both patrols work together quite a bit. I think Boy Led is a great idea, so I'm not having trouble letting go in that respect. Heck, Nephew wanted to try running a meeting just to see what it meant, he planned and conducted our December Pack meeting (and was well received).

 

KENK - we have one boy with AS in our Pack, his father is the ACM, so I'm familar with some of the issues you mentioned. As others have said, if you have a good SPL then hopefully he should be able to make things a bit more comfortable for your son as things arise.

[Lynda J 10]

Our District advancement chairman, who I just adored told me when Kevin moved up to Boy Scouts that I had to look at it like this.

Train them, Trust them, Turn them lose.

The movement to Boy Scouts is a movement to being able to make their own decussions and mistakes.

We can not keep them from making mistakes and we should not. Without failing we do not learn the sweetness of success. I know parents that make it so easy for their kids to achieve that they never "don't succeed. Then suddenly when something happened and the kid didn't win first place and make the team they were crushed and to mad. "Someone cheated" or someone wasn't fair to them" It simply could not be that they weren't the best. Well folks. Not all of life is winning first place or making the team. But sometimes we lose. And those loses are what builds character and make us strong. So don't make it to easy for your kids. Let them struggle. Let them go through the process of failing and then learning from their mistakes and succeeding. YOu will have much better kids for it.

[GopherJudy 10]

My son crossed over on March 20th, he's in a NSP & had his 1st troop meeting on March 22nd! It's not easy for parents to let go but I kept preparing Mark that as a Boy Scout he'll have more responsibilities & that I won't be involved in his troop meetings like I was his den meetings (I was the AWDL). I told him it's up to him to have requirements signed off on, the SM it not going to be chasing him to sign off completed requirements! I remind him of these things before every troop meeting because it's still new to him. I told him that I will help him with requirements & anything that he needs help with but that he has to do the work & I'm there to guide him. We have one father that registered because his wife wanted him to because she wants him to go on the campouts to "babysit" their son & her sister's son! They are a handful but they have to learn to be responsible for themselves.

 

The 1st troop meeting was also a parent meeting & they went over stuff with us while the boys did what they were supposed to be doing. I stayed for the 2nd meeting & then the others I stayed for a little while, after the opening ceremony & the pledge of allegience, I'd catch Mark's eyes & let him know that I was leaving by pointing to the door & then would return about 15 to 20 minutes before the meeting ended, depending on what my schedule is as my daughter has her Brownie meeting the same day but from 6-7:30pm every other Tuesday & Mark's troop meetings are from 7:30 to 9pm. Since we're staying with my parents, sometime my father has to get my daugher to bring her home. Mark also has karate on Tuesdays & Thursday from 5:30 to 6:30pm! He's happy about his

"independence" & I've been telling him that the older he gets, the more he can do & the more responsibility & independence he'll have.

 

 

His 1st overnight campout he was excited about going & the fact that I didn't have to go! He had a great time that weekend despite the heavy rain & wind! He went to Spring Camp this week, I had explained to him that I thought it would be a good idea for him to get used to being away from home & me but still be close to home for the first time, the camp's about a half hour away.Also, this will prepare him for summer camp when he goes with his troop in July to a camp in NJ. He understood, was excited & was the only boy from his troop to go & he didn't have school, was closed for vacation. He did have fun, made new friends & worked on 3 merit badges (Camping, Cooking & Orienteering). I dropped him off on Sunday night & Monday night he called wanting to come home! I asked him to please give it a chance & call me Wednesday if it wasn't working out. Well he called me Wednesday morning to come & get him, he hadn't really eaten, only breakfast & candy bars because he didn't like the food! Also, he was homesick & was afraid that something was going to happen to me & that my parents' house was going to burn down! Now my son is a worrywort, always was & probably always will be. His father died when he was 2.5 years old & Mark's biggest fear is that I'm going to die too! I explained to him that I'm not going to die yet, I have a long way to go! Now for my parents' house going on fire, I have no clear where that fear came from at all. I picked him up Wednesday before lunch & asked him what merit badges he had worked on & if he got his cards signed off on. Well, he worked on the badges but he never got the cards signed off! I told him that it's his responsibility to have them signed off as soon as he completes the requirements. We did go to where it MB counselor was & he went up & asked him to sign off on his cards & told the counselor that he was going home. He said,"He was sorry to see him go & it was nice working with you Mark". When we got back to the car & asked to see his cards & I told him he got quite a bit done for 2 days & then asked why only 2 cards were signed off when he did 3 badges? He said he forgot one & to just go home. I explained to him that he needs to get it signed off or else he's going to have to do it all over again! He kept wanting to go home & I told him that as an incentive, if he goes back to have the Orienteering signed off we can go to McDonald's for lunch. OK a slight bribe, but I was hungry & I knew he was hungry too! He went back & he was glad that he did because he had 6 requirement signed off! I reminded him again that he has to remember to have requirements signed off on, that nobody is going to chase him to sign off on his rank advancements in his handbook or merit badges requirements on the blue cards!

 

I think now we just have to remind them that they have to ask their SM to sign off on completed advancement requirements, that if they have a question to ask the SPL or the SM or ASM & that they're responsible for any announcements regarding activities, fundraisers, etc. I'm sure it will sink in soon! My son will finish 5th grade around the 3rd week in June & he won't be 11 til Sept. 2nd. There's another boy who has the same birthday as Mark & another one who won't be 11 til Sept. 22nd! They are the younger boys in the patrol & troop as some in his patrol turned 11 before the Blue & Gold!

 

Your nephew sounds like he's doing great! He's lucky to have you to help & support him & to have his independence & you will be more comfortable to drop him off at his meetings! Please tell him I said to keep up the great work & I wish him success in reaching his goal of Eagle! You're doing a great job too! Take care!

 

Judy

[Eagledad 2785]

>>kenk,

 

If you explain your son's special needs to the SPL and to the troop, they will understand. I had to explain one of the scouts who has night terror and claustrophobia to them.