Personality conflict

[scoutmom 10]

My son crossed over to Boy Scouts in February. He has loved being in Boy Scouts - feels like one of the "big guys". Here's the problem: recently he has not wanted to go to meetings or on camping trips. We sat down and talked about it and it turns out that he believes one of the ASM's doesn't like him. He claims he gets singled out and yelled at at almost every meeting. I don't know if this is what is actually happening or if it's just how my son is viewing the situation.

 

I have encouraged Jon to speak with his SM (a great guy who seems to really appreciate my son's wacky sense of humor)or one of the other ASM's that he likes and trusts. I assured him that they would want to know that this is what he is feeling and that they won't automatically take the adult's side. I also told him that he has to handle this. Mommy (me) can't take care of it for him. I offered to be with him when he talks to the SM, but he has to approach him.

 

Am I handling this the right way?

[eisely 13]

Sounds reasonable to me. The only other thing that I might suggest is talking to another parent in whom you have confidence and who is close to what goes on to see what confirmation you can get about what takes place at the meetings.

[ozemu 10]

If you find that the issue is a bit blown out by your son maybe he could talk to his SPL or other older Scout (assuming that there are older Scouts). The SPL may be able to discuss the issue in kids terms.

 

However ASMs shouldnt be yelling at Scouts. A stern talking too is okay but yelling is threatening in my book. On the other hand shouting to be heard is normally an essential SM skill.

[yarrow 10]

Boy does this sound familiar. Our Advancement chair has real problems with young scouts. Not older scouts, just the young ones. She reams them. My 10/11/12 year old ended up with watery eyes almost every meeting that he had to approach her. I noticed that she was really chummy with the older boys that could do a little give and take, or those that teased her a little. I talked to several others that said she was rough on their boys until they were older too. It's not just mine fortunately. Anyway, at 13 he's developed a thicker skin and doesn't let it bother him now. He still doesn't like her all that well and may never like her.

 

I told him that he needed to be respectful and persistant. And that he could expect to get his head chewed off everytime. We made it into some kind of a game. I'd say "So how was it this time" and he'd say well I still have my mouth and nose but the ears, eyes and top of my head are completely gone."

[scoutmom 10]

Thanks for your responses. I had spoken with other adults who were in a position to know more about what happens at troop meetings and trips. He had observed pretty much what my son reported, except that my son did not seem to be singled out - all the boys were treated this way, except the leader in question's own son.

 

I had an opportunity to speak privately with the SM and told him my son wanted to talk to him about a problem with a leader. He was very open and said he would try to open that conversation, if Jon didn't. Well, at last weeks meeting, they had their talk and everyone feels better. The SM told my son "I'll take care of it" and Jon is happy with that. And so am I because I know the SM will handle it.

 

I know I had my hand in there kind of manipulating things, but I wanted to make sure this wasn't ignored and I wanted Jon to learn to trust his leaders. I think it is a valuabe lesson for him. He learned that not everyone has the same way of dealing with kids and disclpline and he learned that he can stand up for himself. He also learned that his SM is someone he can talk to about a problem and he will be listened to and respected. Maybe next time, he'll be more comfortable confronting a similar situation. I hope so.