I was a youth with discipline problems and did not complete the journey to Eagle. I was involved in Scouting until it was no longer convenient for me, and then I fell away. I was a very active Cub Scout and Webelos member, achieving the Arrow of Light, but boys are often peer-advanced in Cub Scouting. As a Boy Scout I was a lackluster member, possibly being a nuisance and not advancing quickly. I loved camping and held leadership positions but never very seriously endeavored to advance or succeed. I remember I wanted to stay involved but when it became too much work to get rides, etc, I stopped. I do not remember anything about the Order of the Arrow as a youth, and I do not believe my troop was involved with OA at all. In any case, I was never exposed to it. I have only a few memories of my experiences in the troop at that age and I'm not sure why, but most of my memories from those years are foggy. I mostly attribute this to the effects of time on the male brain.
I had a pretty good childhood and youth, having a lot of fun, but most of that fun was the easy kind of fun that requires little or poor character, with no regard for the consequences of action. There were no incidents of great seriousness, of course, but I definitely behaved in a way common among children without guidance or direction, or who resist such direction. No matter how much I desire it, I cannot change the mistakes of the past. You, the reader, might be wondering where I have set the bar for how well someone should do in their formative years. I set the bar precisely at that point where the youth stands head and shoulders above the majority of his generational peers. Eagle Scouts certainly do that.
Having returned to Scouting once my oldest was able to join Cubs, I have done some great things for youth and received some very prestigious awards, including the Silver Beaver. I am a Vigil Honor member of the Order of the Arrow. I have been to Jamboree and NOAC in leadership positions, and have completed Wood Badge, NLS and NLATS. I feel I am a good adviser and Boy Scout leader, and an effective leader overall in my personal and professional life as well.
Where as a youth I was an underachiever, as an adult I am an overachiever. It often occurs to me that I am trying to make up for the poor character and attitude I suffered as a youth. When attending events like Jamboree or Conclave, due to my relative immaturity, I am able to enjoy elements of those events from the perspective of a youth and it feels very good to take in some of what I missed during my actual younger years. I want to fit it and belong, and I love the Scouting movement. Scouting gives me the fit-in I desire, but often I compare myself to my fellows in Scouting who were very active and successful youth. When I make those comparisons, I fall short of the mark.
It's true that Scouting is inclusive. Even females, who couldn't have experienced Scouting as youths, are accepted. But somehow I know I don't quite measure up when I'm in a room full of Eagle Scouts and former youth Arrowmen. I work hard as an adult to try to erase my poor showing as a youth but no matter how highly people might think of me, I know too well that I was a poor example of a Scout as a youth and did not make the cut.
Now in my early forties, I tend to look back a lot and reflect. There is an aspect to my personality that very strongly wants to "belong" and be a part of something great like Scouting. I constantly strive for a greater role in everything I do, possibly because I crave the recognition that a senior person in the organization would experience, thus confirming that I belong. I believe I think this way because I think that recognition will somehow, no matter how minor, chip away at my poor showing in history.
I do not know why I have written all these things, except perhaps to get them off my mind. (Acknowledging ones thoughts and feelings can often be a cathartic process.) I continue my good works in Scouting, and continue my passion for helping youth attain greatness at an early age. With every one of them I help attain the rank of Eagle (over 15 so far) or entice to go to a sectional conclave or OA event, I feel I am easing some of the inadequacy I feel over my past because they will be able to live healthy adult lives without the shame that I bear. Its not as if their achievements are attributable to me, but if I can be a part of helping them get there, then I can "own" a little piece of it.
My purpose in posting what I have written is to hopefully inspire my fellow Scouters to take another look at the kid who doesn't listen and not let slip into history another one that got away.
One that got away
in Open Discussion - Program
Posted
I was a youth with discipline problems and did not complete the journey to Eagle. I was involved in Scouting until it was no longer convenient for me, and then I fell away. I was a very active Cub Scout and Webelos member, achieving the Arrow of Light, but boys are often peer-advanced in Cub Scouting. As a Boy Scout I was a lackluster member, possibly being a nuisance and not advancing quickly. I loved camping and held leadership positions but never very seriously endeavored to advance or succeed. I remember I wanted to stay involved but when it became too much work to get rides, etc, I stopped. I do not remember anything about the Order of the Arrow as a youth, and I do not believe my troop was involved with OA at all. In any case, I was never exposed to it. I have only a few memories of my experiences in the troop at that age and I'm not sure why, but most of my memories from those years are foggy. I mostly attribute this to the effects of time on the male brain.
I had a pretty good childhood and youth, having a lot of fun, but most of that fun was the easy kind of fun that requires little or poor character, with no regard for the consequences of action. There were no incidents of great seriousness, of course, but I definitely behaved in a way common among children without guidance or direction, or who resist such direction. No matter how much I desire it, I cannot change the mistakes of the past. You, the reader, might be wondering where I have set the bar for how well someone should do in their formative years. I set the bar precisely at that point where the youth stands head and shoulders above the majority of his generational peers. Eagle Scouts certainly do that.
Having returned to Scouting once my oldest was able to join Cubs, I have done some great things for youth and received some very prestigious awards, including the Silver Beaver. I am a Vigil Honor member of the Order of the Arrow. I have been to Jamboree and NOAC in leadership positions, and have completed Wood Badge, NLS and NLATS. I feel I am a good adviser and Boy Scout leader, and an effective leader overall in my personal and professional life as well.
Where as a youth I was an underachiever, as an adult I am an overachiever. It often occurs to me that I am trying to make up for the poor character and attitude I suffered as a youth. When attending events like Jamboree or Conclave, due to my relative immaturity, I am able to enjoy elements of those events from the perspective of a youth and it feels very good to take in some of what I missed during my actual younger years. I want to fit it and belong, and I love the Scouting movement. Scouting gives me the fit-in I desire, but often I compare myself to my fellows in Scouting who were very active and successful youth. When I make those comparisons, I fall short of the mark.
It's true that Scouting is inclusive. Even females, who couldn't have experienced Scouting as youths, are accepted. But somehow I know I don't quite measure up when I'm in a room full of Eagle Scouts and former youth Arrowmen. I work hard as an adult to try to erase my poor showing as a youth but no matter how highly people might think of me, I know too well that I was a poor example of a Scout as a youth and did not make the cut.
Now in my early forties, I tend to look back a lot and reflect. There is an aspect to my personality that very strongly wants to "belong" and be a part of something great like Scouting. I constantly strive for a greater role in everything I do, possibly because I crave the recognition that a senior person in the organization would experience, thus confirming that I belong. I believe I think this way because I think that recognition will somehow, no matter how minor, chip away at my poor showing in history.
I do not know why I have written all these things, except perhaps to get them off my mind. (Acknowledging ones thoughts and feelings can often be a cathartic process.) I continue my good works in Scouting, and continue my passion for helping youth attain greatness at an early age. With every one of them I help attain the rank of Eagle (over 15 so far) or entice to go to a sectional conclave or OA event, I feel I am easing some of the inadequacy I feel over my past because they will be able to live healthy adult lives without the shame that I bear. Its not as if their achievements are attributable to me, but if I can be a part of helping them get there, then I can "own" a little piece of it.
My purpose in posting what I have written is to hopefully inspire my fellow Scouters to take another look at the kid who doesn't listen and not let slip into history another one that got away.