GSleaderSG

Wish  us luck.   Today is  COH - the first time my son has been allowed back since the incident.  SM has successfully ignored every single e-mail I have sent over the last month.  I'm pretty frustrated with that.  I will speak to him tonight I guess.......

Hi folks, 

Thank you all for being a sounding board here...  not much progress is being made.  Monday marked e-mail number three to the SM  to ask about talking with SPL etc.  Still no reply.  There was a general "who was elected to what"   e-mail that went out before my last e-mail on Monday. I thanked SM for sending it out and asked if he had thought about my suggestion of talking to senior boy leadership.  Over the weekend (during popcorn sales - the only event we are allowed to participate in at the moment)  I briefly mentioned to the troop committee chair that we had reached out to SM but hadn't heard back -  she suggested I cc her on additional e-mails.  I did on Monday, but so far nothing - I'm trying hard to be patient but it's been almost three weeks since my one chat with SM about this issue. 

A few folks had asked about age, participation, etc:

Son's age is 12 and he's been with the troop about a year  and 1/2, so I'm not terribly worried about advancement at this point.

My son, until now, makes effort to be at every troop meeting and is there more often than most boys and even the SM.  I've been helping a bit with organizing popcorn sales. My husband and son have signed up for >8hrs of popcorn sales this season.  My husband is not quite ready to take on any sort of leadership role (he was never a scout) but he's willing to attend all meetings, outings and camping trips with our son. I figure he'll get sucked in eventually if we stick around. 

My son does see a councilor  2X a month and goes to weekly to a social skills program. In addition to ADD/ODD he's likely on the spectrum but we have opted not to have that diagnosis made official.

I don't want to imply the other boys are bullying per say. Yes - some tease. But I'm not confident it rises to the level of bullying. I've heard similar taunts directed towards other who are able to take it in stride. Unfortunately my son internalizes these sorts of things.  

21 minutes ago, perdidochas said:

Scout leaders are volunteers.  We can't be forced to follow the actions of the schools.   While I agree with the idea of helping Scouts if I can, I would chafe at being told I have to follow an IEP as a volunteer. 

I would a agree that being required to rigorously  the same accommodations outlined in an IEP is not the way to go.  In some cases these accommodations are not appropriate for scouting, plus the patrol method creates a different dynamic that what is seen in a classroom.  However,  it would seem to me that an IEP (if parents are willing is share!) could be a good starting point to plan for the correct modifications/considerations needed for children with unique needs.  

On an update to my particular situation:  Troop position elections were held earlier this week.  I have reached out via e-mail to SM to find out who has been elected SPL etc.  and whether my son retains his current position (Bugler).  So far no reply. 

Thanks all for the suggestions to talk to the youth leaders.  This is a good idea.  I do recognize that the SM's actions are warranted in the face of this serious situation, I'm just hoping that we can find a resolution that is beneficial for all.  

3 minutes ago, perdidochas said:

Did you talk to the boys in the Troop about this, or just the adult leaders?  The adult leaders are not the Troop leaders, the boys are.

I have not talked to the SPL/PL   Only SM.  I honestly did not even consider it to be an option.  As far as I know the SPL has not been involved in any action plans regarding my son.  

One  such plan was to "check for understanding" similar to his what is implemented at his school. The idea is to make sure instructions for troop activities are clearly and consistently relayed to him and that he fully understands the instructions.  One of his triggers is (perceived) inconsistencies in instructions, he doesn't adapt well to change. He needs to be given time to process changes in his plans/expectations. This was one of the plans that was not communicated to the other leaders.  When I spoke to the ASM about the plan (SM was absent that day)  I was told there was no time for that. 

Other plans have have existed in a more nebulous form.  Assurances that "we will work with your son"   but what is/was being done is never clear.  My husband frequently remains for meetings and has not observed any difference in strategy beyond placing my son in teams with more tolerant/friendly boys. 

The issue with changing troops is two fold.  First my son has know several of these boys since cub scouts. While he is not particularity close with anyone, he knows them. He has few friends in his life and scouting is one of his few opportunities for socialization outside of school.  He has strongly objected to suggestions that we explore other troops. Second, unlike this troop the other troops in the area are sponsored by religions organization we are not members of. 

Hi, 

I am a parent of a Boy Scout (and a Girl Scout leader of my own troop but that not the topic here) who is having trouble. My son has social issues that make it difficult for him to interact with other boys. This, along with a speech problem makes him a target for teasing. However, he also has anger issues that cause him lash out verbally and become destructive to his own property (think scout book here).  Over the two years he has been involved in boy scouts he has had several instances were he has become angry and defiant at troop meetings and events, sometimes in response to teasing and sometimes in response to other things.   He is also an enthusiastic participant in troop activities and has repeatedly expressed that he wishes to remain in the troop.

We have tried to work with troop leadership to formulate plans for behavior management.  We have gotten assurances from the scoutmaster that leadership will work with  my son to help him integrate better but these plans are not followed through on. This includes situations where other members of the leadership team have contradicted plans we discussed with the scoutmaster (largely due to them not being informed of the plans) and poor communication.  

Unfortunately things have now come to a head. In response to being teased, my son smacked another scout.   Obviously this is unacceptable  and warrants significant action from troop leadership. The consequences are banned from meetings until court of honor and my husband will need to be present for all meetings.  This also will result, although it is unspoken, in not making rank for the next court of honor. 

In general I accept that the consequences fit my son's actions.  But I do not feel that there is adequate work being done to address the underlying problem. My son is not well integrated into the troop and I very much get the impression that leadership just wants him to quit, but does not want to take the steps to remove him. I am worried that there has not been adequate communication between the various leaders and the troop committee about this and other issues.  I am worried that after court of honor he will be asked to leave anyway - in effect leading him on.  Finally I am worried that taking my concerns up with the committee chair will further label my son as troublemaker.  

My son does not want to leave scouting - he does not want to change troops - but I am at a loss of how to address this in the best way for him.  

(PS if my scoutmaster reads this, please feel free to contact me about this post)