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Great article on modern parenting; lots of food for thought.


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As a divorced dad, I did what I could, but didn't have much interaction with my kids. Tried to do the things my parents did for me. They grew into independent, well-rounded, married individuals that will do well in life. Unfortunately they never got the quality of upbringing I had but talk about it and they agree that there's more that needs to be done in their lives in the hopes of raising kids to be more like their grandfather. :) That may not be a good idea, but at least they will have a better chance than they did coming from a broken home.

 

Just remember that about 7-10% of the kids today live in a home with their biological mother and father. That minority seems to be getting less and less as each day passes. I often wonder what parenting traditions are actually being passed on.

 

At least I got to grow up in the Golden Age of America.

 

Stosh

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JBlake,

 

I was As a Census geek I thought 7-10% of kids today seemed wrong. I checked US Census "Americas Families and Living Arrangements: 2011" and the numbers are more like (for Ages 18 and under)

 

In sample households.

..Living with both parents 69%

..Living with mother only 24%

..Living with father only 4%

..Living with neither parent 4%

 

(For comparison purposes "living with both parents hovered around 80-82 percent 20 years ago or so)

 

As for Biological parents...the numbers are not radically different. Apparently 1.8 million children in 2007 were adopted out of 74.8 million total. Not enough to skew things much...

 

Statistically race, income, etc cause the numbers to skew. So a Scout Master (before accounting for scouting self selection) may have to deal with 20-40% of single family parents. Yes this produces some challenges. And it may seem where you are almost everyone you know is single parent but that may be due to "demographic clustering"--that is birds of a feather flock together...

 

Fun article by the way...

 

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That means odds are only 3:1 that a kid's in a two-parent household compared to 4:1 twenty years ago. That's a big change in the faces that come through the door at your troop meeting.

 

I don't think that really explains "overparenting" syndrome. Sure there might be a divorced parent that smothers their kid in an attempt to outshine the other parent, but most who I've seen doing that realize after a year or so that they'd better get their act together and co-parent effectively.

 

In fact, I think it can be "worse" in two-parent households where one makes enough income that the other *can* spend more time watching 14 year holds like they were still 3! I think most of it comes from overexposure to media that amplifies threats and attenuates opportunities.

 

I remember son #1 went to his date's home after a homecoming dance with their friends for a campfire. (They made that choice because other friends were gravitating toward "alcohol friendly" homes, and they wanted to avoid that whole scene.) The dad was a little worried about them burning the woods down. The mom told them, "They're all scouts, they ought to know how to keep a fire under control!"

 

I don't know where the media fit into that picture. (We don't hear of burn bans much in these parts.) But I was glad for that positive impression of scouts deserving a little independence.

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Great article... (long read though).

 

This weekend my friend and ASM said "It's easy to let go when your pushing." My new favorite quote.

 

He and I were playing cribbage. One of the newer parents had just finished a game of cribbage with us but wanted to check on his son. And, then ended up driving his son to McDonalds because his son wouldn't eat anything the scouts were having. So the ASM and I were discussing what we could do to have the father on the periphery and not continually interacting with his son. I suggested using a technique effective on both toddlers and teens - switch and distract (i.e. adult hikes, explore the camp, socializing and card games). We can't make the parent leave his own son alone, but we can switch and distract.

 

The ASM had been providing the father quiet advice such as the comment that it takes about a year for cub scouts to get used to being in boy scouts and about three years for the parents. Just friendly hints.

 

After the father left for lunch with his son, the ASM and I continued chatting and playing cribbage. We reflected on if we let our own sons have their own separate scouting experiences. I said that I thought that I did a pretty good job of letting go. The ASM laughed. "It's easy to let go when your pushing." I think he was referring to my having just kicked my own son away from our card game and asking him if he knew where his patrol mate were. I don't ignore my son on camp outs. I just want to make sure that 90% to 95% of his scouting time is spent with scouts.(This message has been edited by fred8033)

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Yep. It happens. Some kids are really picky and have been catered to for their whole lives. Heck, of my four sons, two will eat anything. One is slightly picky. One is very picky and would rather just wait to eat when he gets home Sunday if there is nothing he likes. He is slightly less picky on a week long camp out, but he will try to hold out.

 

 

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Tampa,

 

The higher percentage is based on a male/female parent combo, but does not take into consideration that one of the two parents is step. A few years back I heard that the percent of children living with biological parents in the home was at 12% but has now dropped to 7-8% in the last study conducted.

 

Being in the small-town, conservative, midwest, I thought the number may be higher, but as I look back over the many kids I've dealt with over the past 40 years, the number from natural households has dropped dramatically.

 

Add to that the number of households where only one parent worked and the other stayed home with the kids, and the number becomes remarkably small.

 

With the breakdown in the family structure, is it any wonder we have parents competing with children's quality time? Even with natural family structures, I wonder how many times a week the whole family actually sits down to the traditional family time of dinner?

 

Yes, great lengths are taken to make up for this short-fall, but nothing contrived replaces real relationships.

 

Yes, these comments sound very harsh, but it doesn't detract from the reality of what we as leaders are facing in today's society. No different for the school and churches either.

 

Stosh

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Off topic but funny --

 

We were traveling with the troop this weekend. We had prearranged meals for the road -- pizza one night and a cooler full of subs for lunch. When we picked up the pizza, one of the boys announced he wouldn't eat pizza with sauce on it. Easy enough, we had plenty of subs for the next day, so one of the moms one for him. The mom comes to me and tells me he won't eat subs either.

 

Scoutmaster 101: no one dies of malnutrition over a weekend. So I told the mom he could eat the pizza or the sub, but 150 miles from home we couldn't do custom menus (we don't do custom menus 150 feet from home, but I digress). By now the boy has walked up and listening to the conversation.

 

"Besides," I told him, "These aren't subs, they're sandwiches."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

(Sigh) "Okay."

So he takes the sub/sandwich and eats it.

 

If you can't outwit a 12-year-old, you're in the wrong business.

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This is from 2004 so it is a little out of date. US Census:

 

-------Begin-----------------------

 

Majority of Children Live With Two Biological Parents

 

Nearly 45 million (61 percent) of the nation's 73 million children younger than 18 lived with their biological mother and father in 2004 regardless of the parents' marital status, according to a U.S. Census Bureau report released today.

 

Of these children, 42.7 million lived with both parents who were married to each other. Another 4.1 million lived with a biological mother and stepfather, according to Living Arrangements of Children: 2004 [PDF]. An additional 19.3 million children lived with one parent, with the majority of those (88 percent) residing with their mother.

 

There were 12.2 million children (representing 17 percent of all children) who lived with a stepparent, stepsibling and/or half sibling.

 

Among children in these "blended" families, 71 percent lived with at least a half sibling, 46 percent with a stepparent and 10 percent with a stepsibling.

 

--------------------------

 

That said both my kids are adopted.

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