Other Reasons Kids Drop Out

[DeanRx 69]

"I guess it comes down to the principle of it: he's not my son. It's not my job to be his dad when he has a completely capable dad and mom too."

 

No - your right, its not you job to be his dad. But, I would argue the part of your statement that he has a completely capable dad and mom too. They may be physically capable, but may not know any better. Or they may be capable, but unwilling. If they are unwilling to engage in their son's activities and it is easy for you to fill that void (and not a deal breaking financial burden to you), then WHY not take on this role? Its your sister's kid, right? If it really bothers you, have a talk with her about it.

 

If, on the other hand, your son and he get along well... then continue what you are doing. You are doing right by both your son and your nephew and both kids wll grow up to be better men because of your actions.

 

I know it must be hard, but your frustration should be with your sister and B-I-L, not the kid. Heck, if they don't want to do it and they're willing to agree to it - set up an itemized bill and have them pay you a monthly stipend for his "scouting stuff". Then revel in the fact that as this kid matures to a young adult, he'll probably appreciate you more than he does his own parents for the memories of his youth.

 

Dean

 

[Lisabob 13]

I sure hope your sister and BIL don't ever find these posts. I can only imagine what thanksgiving dinner at your family's table would be like then.

 

Look, you obviously have different parenting styles and agendas. You don't agree with theirs. Not knowing them, I can't really say much else about them (or you) as parents, in terms of who has their priorities on straight and who does not. For all we know, maybe they have other activities that they share with their son and for which you have no interest or use. Maybe scouts really just is not their thing. Or, maybe they are lousy parents who can't find the time of day for their kid.

 

Either way, you have to balance your family commitment with the level of annoyance that you, personally, can stand. If you can include your nephew with an open heart, great. Lots of kids have wonderful relations with their aunts and uncles (different from the relations with their parents) and years from now, he will remember this with gratitude.

 

If you will always be irritated and begrudging his own parents for putting you in this position though, then maybe you shouldn't do it. Sure, the kid would benefit from scouting. But he'd pick up on your dissatisfaction with the situation and the tension between you and his parents. It wouldn't be nice for the kid to be in the middle of that. If that's the case, find some other avenues of interaction for you and your nephew, where this adult tension won't spoil the relationship. There are many more avenues for building good family relationships than just through cub scouts. Maybe see what your nephew likes and have some special thing that just you and he do together, instead. And besides, that way if he decides later on not to do scouting long-term, you'll still have other shared bonds.

 

 

[Scoutfish 16]

Let me clarify one detail: She is actualy my sister in law. He's just her husband, I call him B-i-l for lack of a better term. My apologies.

 

And no fear of them seeing this.She watches tv all day, he goes to work, gets home, goes to his shed and plays guitar until bedtime, then goes inside to bed.

 

All other family activities consist of going to Dr when somebody is sick or things like Christmas and Thanksgiving.