The M Word: Masturbation

[Eric5675 10]

First off, this is not a discussion on religion or your beliefs. It's about helping others, so let's not turn this into the religious wars

_________________________________________________________________

 

Ok, so here is the background:

 

I'm a 16 yr old SPL. I had a 12 yr old boy come up to me the other day at a campout, and ask me what it was, if it was right, if I did it, etc.

 

Here's the issue:

The Scout felt extrmemly uncomfortable asking it at first, and told me he asked me because he thought I would understand. I'm very open with my Scouts, and they know that. I explained to him it was natural and that most boys did it and essentially gave the whole masturbation talk right then and there (minus how to do it). He then went on to tell me that he did it on the campout. I then explained how it was a personal thing but that some boys did occasionally do it with others. He asked what some slang terms meant and I explained them. He didn't ask about pornography or "techniques" and I did not go into either subject.

 

And the question:

Was I wrong to do this? Keep in mind, I'm not an adult leader, I'[m a Scout. I felt that this boy was truly concerened, nervous, and scared considering I got the whole "does the white stuff mean I'm dying." I would not have wanted to ask an adult when I was 12- heck, not even now, but was I wrong to explain this? Would I be in some ort of trouble as a Scout? I highly doubt it, but if the situation ever arose again, I would like some feedback.

 

Thanks for your help!

[DeanRx 69]

Eric-

 

I'm going to assume you are not a troll and this actually happened the way you say.

 

I would STRONGLY adivse that you keep any and all discussions regarding ANYTHING about sexuality as brief as possible and refer anyone that might ask you to a trusted adult in their own family OUTSIDE of the scouting environment.

 

I'm not saying how you handled the situation was "wrong". Only that something you view as a well intended education session, can easily be viewed by an over-protective parent as obscene and inappropriate. Discussions of masturbation can easily slide into the "have you ever had sex" or "do you think about so-and-so" or "do you think about guys" or "do you want to try it sometime" area very easily with a curious kid. Do NOT go there !

 

I would advise if approached again by the same scout or another scout, the standard response should be, "Some people choose to, others don't. Its a very personal thing. If you have specific questions about the physiology of arousal and sexual acts, I strongly suggest you find a well trusted adult in your family to discuss the issue(s) with. I'm sorry, but this is NOT something I should be discussing with another scout on a scout outing."

 

Leave it at that. Keep the conversation in confidence and move on with life.

[evmori 11]

Eric,

 

Like Dean, I am going under the auspice you aren't a troll either.

 

Based on your post, I think you handled the situation very well.

[Beavah 205]

Yah, I reckon it's an act of mercy to instruct and counsel those in need, eh?

 

I think yeh did fine. I think yeh did even better in recognizin' that this is a sensitive issue that you need "backup" on.

 

You helped the lad when he needed it, now yeh have to work da follow-up, so the boy gets all that religious and family information and support he needs. Do you know the boy's dad? Is he easy to approach? How about your SM? Would he be cool with you talkin' to him about this? All yeh want is a gentle tipoff to the boy's dad that it's time to have the "birds and the bees" talk. No need to go into specifics, just that "your son had questions, and it's a good time for you to give him some dad-time."

 

That can be a good thing to add to your answer if it ever came up again, eh? After you explain to the boy that it's natural and not goin' to kill him and that men go through it, let him know it's something it's good to ask his dad more about.

 

Scout Salute to yeh, though! I think you're an outstanding SPL to care so much about your guys, and to be there for 'em.

 

Beavah

 

[Eric5675 10]

Thanks for the responses!

 

I thpught they would probably be this varied. I see the reason about not really talking aboutit, but I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him.

 

I am weary about bringing it to the SM because the kid just didn't want to ask an adult and was actually pretty scared about it (he made me promise not to tell an adult, however, if it had turned out to be something serious I would have.) His dad is pretty open about everything, and is one of those parents to let their kid learn the hard way, so I think tippping him off is a good idea, and I will do that, but just make it clear that when he has it it was just a "random" talk. I don't want my Scout to lose trust in me.

 

Thanks for the support Beavah. I think I'd handle this the same way if it came again, just tip off the parent afterwards. I just remembered how awkward it was for me when I had the same questions, and I didn't want to turn my Scout away as if he were some freak.

 

Thanks for all the help! If anyone has any more thoughts, please share!

[scoutldr 732]

Eric, ya done good! I consider this type of thing among Scouts (all under 18) to be "guy talk". I am now approaching 55 and am still waiting for "the talk". My parents (now gone on to their reward) never had it with me for some reason. My mother, however, was an OB/GYN registered nurse, and she strategically stored all of her nursing textbooks on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. I remember spending HOURS reading them (I was a voracious reader from age 4 on). By the time I reached first grade, I new the complete female anatomy (by the Latin names!), human embryology, and how to deliver a baby and do a C-section! Of course, the books started with the woman already "in the family way" and it took awhile before I figured out how they got that way. The rest of my sex education came from my buddies! I laugh now at some of the things we assumed to be true! Even more funny is to read some of B-P's writings on the subject.

 

Anyway, I thought there were classes in school now that taught that kind of thing (called "Family Life" around here).

[Kahuna 172]

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you to hear that such things happen in scouting. Riiiiiiight!

 

Eric, I think you handled that extremely well and it certainly shows that you have a good relationship with the boys in your troop.

 

Having been a Big Brother a few times in my younger years, I found myself answering those questions from my Little Brothers over those years. I told them about the same thing you did. No dads to ask and I think most kids don't want to ask their dads anyway.

 

Good going!

[acco40 95]

Eric,

 

The correct responses to the 12 yr old's questions are shown below:

 

What is it? A sin.

If it was right No.

Do you do it? Of course not and you can tell if someone does because frequent participants grow hair on their palms and go blind. Occasional participants just need glasses.

 

At this age (12) many of the boys have nocturnal "emmissions" and don't really understand the physiology behind it. Because you were asked to "not tell an adult" you may want to just inform the CM or SM a few weeks later that "a young scout" (assuming your troop is large enough to keep him anonymous) brought up this topic to me and you think it may be a good idea for parents to know.

 

Some parents will be furious with what you did, some grateful you did this and the vast majority in the middle.

 

My personal feeling, don't make a big deal out of it.

 

This reminds me of one evening when I was rushing home from work, changing into my Scoutmaster uniform and my daughter (about 12) came up and asked me, "Dad, what is a period?" Of course, my response what that is was the "dot" at the end of a sentence. Well, she didn't let it go at that.

[scoutldr 732]

My wife, the elementary school nurse, still has girls come to her panicked thinking they are dying from hemorrhage when they reach menarche. (see, I still remember the proper words!)