How do you retain the new scout? ... but mom is over-protective

[scoutldr 732]

Ditto what eagle90 said! Unfortunately, I don't see a way forward with this. The mom is intent on producing a neurotic, dysfunctional mama's boy/man, and we cannot stand in her way. The only one who can influence this is Dad, and it sounds like he's dysfunctional too...the term "whipped" comes to mind. At least it sounds like they're rich enough to afford the therapy that will be coming down the road.

 

You might suggest that Perrier can be added to the patrol menu, but only if she pays for enough for everyone!

[Gonzo1 10]

Wow, so many good ones.

 

Nanny is 75+ and can't go camping.

The backyard idea may work.

I'll be having lunch with the dad Thursday, but I don't want to guilt trip anyone either.

 

Before the backpacking trip, I explained everything at her kitchen table with maps, the trail guide book (Bartram Trail in NE Georgia) and how the trip would go. She said then "I'll talk to Fred", Fred later told me he couldn't go and Johnny told Mason (my son) he "had to go to a party"

 

There's a bit of this culture in the troop I've noticed. One of the First Class scouts doesn't have a pack, he camps with to rubber maid boxes. SM sent me an email saying tha parents had concerns about hiking to the campsite at night. It was about 1/2 mile. Big Deal!

All camping until this last outing has been car camping and the SM likes going on Saturday morning to avoid setting up in the dark. I reminded him that scouts have flashlights, batteries too. I'm going to push for Friday night camping for each campout, and to carry packs in and out on most.

 

I feel bad in so many ways. Fred is a general contractor and contributed $500 toward our new scout hut construction AND offered to provide the construction labor from his crews. I hope now that he doesn't feel like his $500 is wasted. I can maybe get it back.

 

Worse, I feel bad for Johnny, someday, someone will ask him, were in in boy Scouts? He'll probably say, "yeah, for 3 months, but my mom wouldn't let me go camping, I really resent her for that"

 

The program is the program and that's it, no dumbing down for anyone. The autistic boy went backpacking this pst weekend. OK, I admit, he struggled hard, scouts pitched in admirably and helped him, he didn't "quit" and wants to go again.

 

Semper, I've done the "I'll look after him...." but to no avail. I know mom trusts me, her kid comes here for sleep overs (they're 11)

 

Maybe do the sleep over here, out back, they can set up tents here, camp in our back yard, THAT might work. Bammo, knock out Tenderfoot stuff that remains.

 

Thanks,

Gonzo

 

 

[CalicoPenn 729]

A couple of thoughts:

 

Print out the Eagle Scout list from Wikipedia and show it to Mom. Ask her if she would like to see her son join the ranks of these men someday - if she says yes, remind her that they all had to go camping to get there, and that Johnny will need to do so too - heck, if she remembers "Who's The Boss", that goofy television show with Tony Danza, point out Danny Pintauro's name on the list (played Jonathon) and tell her if he could get his Eagle, then Johnny certainly can.

 

Talk to Johnny's football and karate coaches - any chance they may have been in Scouts and can talk to Mom about their experiences?

 

Calico

[EagleInKY 14]

Don't dumb down the program, it's an insult to scouts and scouters both in your troop and across the country. Don't dumb down the requirements, it's an insult to those who truly need alternative requirements to succeed in life.

 

I'd first talk to the boy. Find out what gets his juices going. Get him excited about camping. Then I'd talk to dad, as a friend. Tell him how Junior wants to camp and how he's blowing it for him. He needs to either get his schedule straight so he can put family first, or get his wife in line. You probably can't be so blunt, and I apologize if it sounded sexist (I'd use the same words if the roles were reversed). The truth is, they are ruining this kid.

 

BTW, I've seen this kid before. We've had him in our troop. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of success stories to share with you. I do know, however, that the ones I ignored, were gone before I realized it. By showing concern and attention, maybe you can salvage him before he loses interest.

[Its Me 10]

 

You cann't save this scout quit trying.

 

The issue is not that mom is a princess. The root cause is that mom wants johnny to be a Prince. She wants him to reject all that is crude and uncivilized. Move on.

 

 

 

 

[Gonzo1 10]

But what about the football and karate? I'd hardly say that they are "civilized"

 

 

[Gonzo1 10]

 

Here's what happened:

On Thursday, PL (my son) called the two of them and invited them over for a patrol campout in our back yard. Friday evening came, we went over some of Tenderfoot, set up tents in the back yard, and cooked breakfast on Saturday morning. We continued with the book work and the boys went home by noon. Aside from the time requirement for the physical fitness stuff, they pretty much have it. I was their WDL, so it was review mostly. Show scout spirit, SM conf and BOR remain.

 

One lad called his mom at 11:45 p.m. Friday night, I asked why, but he couldnt say, so I got on the phone and said the Johnny was OK, don't worry and he'll be fine.

 

When mom & dad came by today, I reminded them about the SM conference, BOR and she didn't quite get it. It's been several times I let her know about the process. I reminded them about Monday night meeting.

 

I told her about the next two outings that happen within the next 3 weeks, plus summer camp. Then she moans, "we'll see"

 

I made this available to the patrol, they gotta follow through. They seemed to enjoy it.

 

 

[Beavah 205]

There's a bit of this culture in the troop I've noticed. One of the First Class scouts doesn't have a pack, he camps with to rubber maid boxes. SM sent me an email saying tha parents had concerns about hiking to the campsite at night. It was about 1/2 mile. Big Deal!

All camping until this last outing has been car camping and the SM likes going on Saturday morning to avoid setting up in the dark. I reminded him that scouts have flashlights, batteries too. I'm going to push for Friday night camping for each campout, and to carry packs in and out on most.

 

Yah, Scout Salute to Gonzo fer startin' the hard work of openin' this troop up to the bigger world of non-cub-scout campin'!

 

Remember, Gonz, take it slow. Give boys and especially adults time to re-think and re-appraise and learn a bit. It really helps once there are a few hike-in successes and fun "bad weather" outings that boys and adults can point to.

 

As for your "special case"... All of a boy's friends coming back and saying "that was great!" when the Little Prince missed an outing can help. Even better if yeh can nudge another parent or two to "accidentally" talk in front of Momma about how great the outing was for the boys. Adult "peer pressure" and the sense that their kid is being left out/left behind can be useful, but it has to come from a non-scouter parent, preferably a mom.

 

Aside from that, I'm with the considerable wisdom that's sayin' there's very little you can do beyond that. Kids are very good at picking up on the subtle and not-so-subtle signals their parents send, and there's no way in the world you have the influence to steer a different course for 'em. Parents win every time, for good or (sometimes) for ill. Move on and provide a good program for the boys you can reach, and trust the others to the football coach and karate instructor.

 

Beavah

 

 

[Gunny2862 11]

Wait a minute Gonzo!

In what way are Karate and Football not civilized?!!!

 

Aggression under control. A baseplate of the definition of Civilization!

 

Not quite as culturally advanced as Tae Kwon Do and Wrestling of course; nose pointing up, sniff. But that's just IMHO. Insert smiley face.

 

[Gonzo1 10]

Gunny,

Welcome to the forums, Semper Fi!

 

It's not that football and karate are "uncivilized", but one would not normally expect to sip tea and eat crumpets at a football game.

 

According to the nanny, mom wants him in football in order to get a scholarship to college.

 

My point was more that he can do physical things and sweat but can't go camping. Mom is actually afraid he'll be bitten by a snake or attacked by a mountain lion. She's afraid he'll be out of cell phone range.

 

At Webelos Woods last fall, dad bought all new gear for both of them and the dad , the son and a friend of the dad all came along.

[OldGreyEagle 5]

Nanny? For a scout aged child? Fire her now and use the salary she would have recevied to pay for college

[Gonzo1 10]

There is another child at home. Scout's younger brother is 7 or 8 months old. Money isn't an object for this family. Nanny is brought in to watch the baby so mom can sleep. They're disfunctional.

 

The thing that bugs me most is that every tackle is like a car accident, lots of damage to the body, but no scots.

 

 

[FScouter 24]

"Nanny is brought in to watch the baby so mom can sleep. They're disfunctional."

No need to answer, but why would a woman have a baby and not want to take care of it?

[Gonzo1 10]

Good question.

They are nice people, but a little odd.

 

 

[funscout 11]

Gonzo,

 

I admire all you have done to try to keep this boy in scouts. I think we all know, however, that the boys who have parents who are supportive of scouting are the ones most likely to stay in the program.

 

I was disappointed when 2 of my 2nd year Webelos didn't cross over to Boy scouts, but I know they wouldn't have lasted, since their parents only grudgingly brought them to Cub scouting events. A few other boys who did cross over probably won't last beyond this summer, because, again, their parents aren't very supportive.

 

For the boy's sake, I hope everything works out. But you can know that you did more than most would have, to try to help him out.