Nicknames and namecalling

[chaoman45 17]

Someone in my troop brought this up as an issue and do not use these two terms as mutually exclusive words. As in, the individual says nicknames ARE a form of namecalling and hence a form of bullying or a source of a future problem. I use nicknames a lot of the time, like "Bacon" (name for someone who loves bacon so much I could see him eating it every meal), "No Pants" (kid would wear gym shorts every day even if it is snowing outside), and etc etc. My policy has been and always will be if the nickname is deemed offensive to a parent or kid, I stop. The problem, and question, is if the kids who receive these nicknames from a 22 YO ASM do NOT find these offensive at all and like the names, are nicknames on the same plane as namecalling?

 

Personally, I still think it's an overreaction to a non-issue if the kids like the names and no malicious intent is behind them, but hey who am I.(This message has been edited by chaoman45)

[dhendron 26]

Sigh...one of these days we are going to be so politically correct that we cannot even venture out without hazarding an offense to someone.

 

The difference between name calling versus nicknames (which the youth often find to be in good fun, as intended) should be obvious. I think this one would fall into the "Get over it" category.

 

Some years ago, my wife (also a leader in our Venturing Crew) and I got labeled "Papa Bear" and "Mama Bear". I think I would have preferred something more manly (joke!) but the name stuck. One of my girls was nicknamed "Pigpen", which was not derogatory. Many other nicknames were given, all in good fun and not a single person complained.

 

Over the years, I have found most of the complaints I have received to be frivolous (put very charitably for some of them). People looking for things to be unhappy about. For some reason, the silly stuff generates complaints and the stuff that folks should be griping about usually goes without notice. I tell these folks to try to have some fun and not to take it all so seriously.

[DeanRx 69]

I put this into the category of...

 

If they're not upset enough to let me know about it (and then I stop right away), then it must not be upsetting to them.

 

Nicknames are just that, unless they are derogetory. Who gets to say they are? The person who's nickname it is!!

 

I supervise several people at my job. I HATE it when you have someone come to you and state, "So and so thinks x,y,z... but they'll never come to you and tell you about it." Well then, its NOT an issue. If its not a big enough deal for them to come to their supervisor about it, then they shouldn't send a proxy (most of the time its the proxy who has the issue but is too spineless to state their point or is trying to use other 'silent' partners to bolster their position on an issue).

 

Nicknames fall into the same category for me.

[Cambridgeskip 658]

I actuallyt hink that nicknames are very important at scout age. It is an age where individuals are discovering and developing their personal identities and to be adopted by a nickname is often a sign of enderement and acceptance amongst your peers. I was known as "Batman" when I was a scout (due to the amount of stuff I would have in my pockets, someone once said it was like Batman's utility belt, the name stuck!)

 

Either at present or previously my troop has had Baguette, Sick Note, Daz, ASBO, Pyro, Chilly, Loopy, Cloth Ears, Mars Bar, Go Pack, Junior the list goes on. To a well meaning by stander some may even have sounded insulting but ultimately they are just about kids finding an identity and is a long way from name calling. If a kid doesn't like something they are being called then I will ensure that it stops and the PLs will enforce it.

[Tampa Turtle 1011]

No need to go into the story of the boy named "dingle berries".

 

Some of the boys are really want a nick name and others do not like them and consider it bullying. One boy kept calling another "puppy face" and meant it as a term of endearment--the kid really had a puppy face. Bit that boy really, really wanted out of that name--apparently he was bullied at school and was pretty sensitive. His tent buddy was "Skunky" and relished the power of his name and his (admirably) foul odor.

 

"Puppy Face" tried to get folks to call him "killer" but it never stuck.

[Basementdweller 608]

We have a scout they call Chips, cause he always seems to have a bag of chips in his hands....

 

We have M&M who successfully ate a party sized bag in one sitting and kept them down.

 

We have Slushie who while dehydrated got a lemon lime slushie and puked the best combo of doritos and green I have ever seen.

 

We have Bigfoot a 12 year old with a size 12 foot.

 

We have Jon whose real name is Evan because he never can seem to pass one up with out going it.

 

Rock sank like one during the swim test..

 

We had booger and crack.....but suggested something else...

 

[SSScout 1615]

My daughter (who is now 28 and a married lady) became "Peanut" as a toddler and has remained "Peanut" ever since.

When my Scoutson (now a bodacious 18 year old Eagle) first joined, he was renamed by the SPL "Hitler" because of our german heritage name and insistance that it be pronounced correctly. When I heard this at a Troop meeting, I spoke to his dad and we had a conversation with the SPL about respect and maturity and "courtesy and kind" issues. He saw the light and all such "nick"naming stopped. Turned out the SPL thought that since his football team coach did the same, that made it right. There were other nicknames used for other Scouts around the Troop, but none like that anymore. The given, real name became the norm.

Names are important. How we refer to each other is important. The renaming of others can reinforce prejudice, lead to psychological problems, cause friends to become enemies, and lead to needless other problems.

Such renaming and refferal is also an indication of one's opinion of the other. My equal? Inferior? Not worth my trouble? Friend? Helper? Threat?

Call some child "stupid" often enough and might he not begin to believe it? If you want a confrontational culture, namecalling can be a good way to create it. If you want a cooperative culture, proper name useage and respect of name can be a good way to lead to that.

I suspect the coach had an education too, courtesy of the SPL's dad.

[Stosh 3452]

When I took over as SM of a troop, they were used to calling the leaders by their first name. Of course they called each other by their first names as well.

 

I completely changed that culture of familiarity to one of respect, and it only took about 6 months.

 

I had one boy who started out calling me by my first name and as is my practice with all boys addressed them by their title/position and their last name. After a half dozen meetings the boys were addressing me as Mr. B____. I didn't tell them they had to, they were merely reflecting back what I was doing with them. My boys were Mr. A___, Mr. B_____, PL C_____, etc.

 

After establishing a level of respect, "nicknames" were added. For 20 years I had canoed a certain river and never spilled into the drink. I had one of my boys on the front (newbie) who was doing quite well until we got to a tough spot. I thought he could handle it, but he panicked and we were heading for a sweep. So instead of risking getting pinned, I rolled the canoe. He came up crying and I said, it's no big deal, the water is only 2' deep and he was safe. He said he was crying because he had ruined my record of never getting wet in the rapids. I told him it wasn't his fault, that the only reason he was in my canoe in the first place was for ballast and he could have just as well been a box of rocks for all that mattered. Well I said that a bit too loud and that boy's name was and still is Box o' Rocks.

 

As I struggled with learning everyone's name, I had one boy that I just couldn't remember and I had to ask a few times what his last name was. He kept telling me which was fine. Eventually, I began to keep asking his name as a bit of a tease. Finally I was feigning ignorance of his name, I asked him, "And you are?...." to which he responded, "Your Favorite Scout." Yep. it stuck.

 

The last example was an arrogant, self-centered boy that was son of the former SM. Thought he was better than anyone else. He wanted the prestige, but didn't do any of the work. Out of frustration I called him a slug. He walked out of the meeting. He came back, though. Next time he didn't do the work I called him a slug again, and he walked out. Came back, again. The third time around he got up got in my face and in an angry voice, said, "I don't appreciate you calling me a slug." I said, "Do you know what a slug is?" To which he replied, "Yes, a slimy little bug." I said, "No, it's short for Sluggard, ya know, someone who is too lazy to even bother to look the word up in the dictionary." He gave me the deer-in-the-headlights look. Slug completed his Eagle, went on to complete SM training and by the time he was 19 he had WB beads. Even though he has been asked to call me by my first name, he says, he never will, that I'll always be Mr. B_____.

 

Yes, I use nicknames for the boys quite a bit, some of them could be construed as offensive, but with an underlying level of respect, it is something the boys revel in. As a matter of fact, I often wonder if the boys who do not have nicknames might feel left out. It's sometimes difficult to know, but each boy's situation is different.

 

If a strong basis for respect is first established, then the nickname is never seen as disrespectful and isn't understood as name-calling.

 

Stosh

[CA_Scouter 11]

We always had a rule that the nickname had to be approved by the recipient and encouraged that it should be complimentary. I can only think of one nickname in recent memory and that was 'Smiley'.

 

I'm really curious though about 'cloth ears'. That's gotta be a good story.

 

[CalicoPenn 729]

Nicknames are all fun and games until a 12-year old you call Bacon snaps when he's 17 and much larger and takes a hammer to someone who calls him Bacon one time too many. Or when a girl you call Pigpen jumps off a bridge. Think that's farfetched? It happens all the time. Heck, I broke my older brother's nose in front of the entire family when he called me a nickname I had told him I didn't like one too many time, and that wasn't a derogatory name, I just didn't like it. A lot of the troubled youth I work with are really bothered by the "non-derogatory" nicknames they're called but grin and bear it because they want to fit in, they don't want to be known as whiners, or they think of themselves as too weak to do anything about it. So they internalize it - and they never let on that they're hurt by it so that some people can say garbage like "If they don't tell me it's a problem, it's not a problem". Nicknames can be a form of bullying - and an insiduous one as it's often overlooked because so many adults think of it as just kids being kids. We don't see physical harm, so it can't be bullying, right? Tell that to the father who, after reading his son's suicide note, wails that he didn't know his son didn't like to be called "Chips".

 

That's not to say that all nicknames are bad - but it's a mistake to claim using nicknames isn't name-calling or bullying because it's all in clean fun. It's a mistake to ignore someone elses concern that it might be an issue and call it "political correctness" run amok.

 

So how do we safely use nicknames? My suggestions would be that first and foremost, adult leaders do not give Scouts nicknames and, unless asked to do so by the Scout, do not use nicknames, and even when asked by a Scout, think about whether the nickname the Scout uses for himself is something you'd want to call a boy in the line at McD's surrounded by strangers. Scout named Howard prefers to be called HD? Ok. Scout named Bill wants to be called booger? Be a grownup and call him Bill - tell him if he wants his friends to call him that, fine, but you won't do it because it's undignified.

 

Second - let the Scout choose his own nickname - that means being prepared to nip in the bud nicknames given to him by other Scouts. Here's a hint - if Scouts are calling someone "puppy face" and he responds by saying "call me "killer", it means he really doesn't like that name. But don't wait for someone to say they don't like it either - when a lad never refers to himself by the nickname others give him, that's a clue he doesn't like it. Got a guy you all call "bigfoot" and when a new guy comes in and he doesn't say something like "hey, call me bigfoot", there's a really good chance he's not as into the whole bigfoot name as you think he is. If a bunch of Scouts are playing a game of football or something and 5 minutes after being called by his nickname, a Scout wanders away from the fun to sit under a tree? Don't automatically assume it's because he's tired - it could very well be a sign that he's not digging the nickname.

 

One last thought - nicknames are often meant to be a sign of affection - frankly, it wouldn't surprise me if some parents didn't think that a 22 year old ASM giving their kids nicknames wasn't just a little but creepy.

[Beavah 205]

Yah, in most "guy" groups, nicknames are a sign of honor, eh? "Earning" a nickname means you're a full-fledged member of the group. Think Top Gun

 

So in many scout troops, that's da way nicknames operate.

 

Sometimes moms and women don't get it.

 

If yeh have a nickname troop, da youth and adult leaders do occasionally need to help redirect a poor nickname that treads on the edge, if the boy is bothered by it.

 

There are fellow scouters who to this day I only know as "Wabbit" or "Swamp Rat". I have to work really hard at my age to remember their Christian name. They've been Wabbit or Swamp Rat since their first years as scouts.

 

Some complaints are just not worth spendin' any time on. A simple "thanks for your thoughts" is enough. Then just move along to stuff that matters.

 

Beavah

 

[Tampa Turtle 1011]

Funny.

 

I never had a nickname stick growing up though many tried. My son, who is party Autistic "labels" people instead of using names. Adults might be "Navy Guy" (for a dad in the Navy) or "Canoe Man" (for the canoe instructor). If you get a "tag" it is a significant sign sign of affection. Naturally we work hard with him to learn proper names but he sure isn't wired that way--it takes up to a year. As you imagine it cause him a lot of problems but some of the adults like them. Of course he also has Tourette so any "tags" just come right out--not much filter here.

 

Some of the ones for fellow boys are just strange. One boy, who was a pale red head and very, very polite was dubbed "that Canadian Kid" because no american would be that nice!

 

The neighbor girl is called--to her face--"smoking hottie with the great hair". Since she is 13 she seems to REALLY like that one.

 

Around my boy the rule of thumb is if he gives you a good handle --take it! -- and be grateful. I was introduced as "his royal obesity" for years but now I get "Big Papa". Of course the other boys pick up on it too.

[eisely 13]

In June we did a fifty miler on the Sacramento River. I was paddling with a number of scouts whom I had not met previously. One kid was named Alec. He was inquisitive and bright, so I started calling him Smart Alec. He liked it.

 

One of the other scouts asked me on the first day how I preferred to be addressed. Very thoughtful and courteous of him. I told him he could refer to me as "your excellency" which stuck for the rest of the trip.

 

All in good fun.

[Cambridgeskip 658]

CA_Scouter - By your question I think this is a case of British slang that doesn't cross the Atlantic very well! "Cloth Ears" is quite a common nick name over here for someone that is never listening. You certainly wouldn't use it for someone who genuinely is deaf or partially deaf or that has learning difficulties. It's more for that one who just doesn't pay attention.

 

More funny was "Go Pack". Go Pack is quite a common brand for fold away tables, benches etc that you may well take to camp. One lad, on the first day of a two week camp, managed to get the label off of a new table stuck to the back of his trousers and failed to notice. It was there for days. The camp itself was a big jamboree affair with kids from all over Europe who obviously didn't know who he was. Hence when approaching him they would see a label that said "Go Pack" stuck to him and just adopt him as it.

 

A friend of mine started helping with Cubs when he was 16 as part of his Queen's Scout Award (equivalent of Eagle Scout) and got the Jungle Book name of "Baghera". This was quickly shortened by the cubs to "Baggy". He's now 34 and known by everyone everywhere as Baggy. His parents call him it, his friends call him it, his colleagues do. Until recently he was in The Territorial Army (roughly equivalent of National Guard I think) and even there he was known as Baggy.

 

Fan though I am of nicknames (yes, even from adult to child) I think it is worth taking heed of some of what Calico Pen wrote. You do need to watch out that nicknames are appreciated as it can hurt. proud though I was of being Batman at Scouts, an environment where I was happy and accepted, I was bullied at school and was known by names there that I hated but which I quietly accepted to try and fit in better. You don't have to get paranoid about it. A quiet word with the kid in question to suss things out should be enough but it's still worth taking the time to do.

[Horizon 97]

CalicoPenn raises a good point - we as Scouters need to be aware of the situation and keep an eye out for negative nicknames that are applied to the outcasts. We have to do this while also understanding that nicknames are a badge of honor and inclusion.

 

Makes this Scouting stuff interesting.

 

I had a nickname:

Elementary - Rooster (a comb never touched my hair)

Junior High - nothing. I was an outcast

High School - variation on my last name

College - two name, one for the little farm town I came from. I had our weekly newspaper mailed to me and I would read the critical news at dorm meetings. I was then named for my town. People who got to know me later though that my last name WAS the name of the town.

Fraternity - nicknamed there based on a penchant for outside of the G2SS activities. That is still my name 25 years later to several generations of young men from my fraternity house.