Does Scouting sometimes cause problems at Home?

[Scouting Mom 10]

Speaking as "the wife"....

 

I knew what I was getting into when I got married to an Eagle Scout with fond memories of his time in Scouting. While we were dating, he got a job in the next state and we didn't see each other as much as we wanted to, so he filled his time by becoming an ASM with a Troop in his new town...never laid eyes on these people before, but he found a sense of belonging anyway.

 

Flash forward a few years...

 

When our eldest became a Tiger, my husband walked into the JSN wanting to be DL and couldn't volunteer fast enough. However, it was a rare event when I wasn't there too. He eventually became Committee Chair and I became Advancement Chair and DL for our younger son. I am just as involved as he is and I love it. Would I have gotten involved if my husband wasn't so into it...maybe, maybe not. It would depend on my kids. It was always a forgone conclusion that they would be Scouts, so in other circumstances, I can't say if it would even occur to me to sign them up. My involvement is because of my children, not because of my husband. I want the program to be the best it can be for them and for other kids like them. So, supporting my husband in his obsession is in reality, supporting my boys.

 

However, when my oldest crossed over to Boy Scouts, I got left behind. My younger son is still a Cub and I'm still his DL, so I'm still very Cub focused, while my husband and older son are involved with the Troop. Without meaning to, I got cut out of the picture in relation to my oldest. I don't understand Boy Scouts so much. I haven't had the chance to learn and because I have 3 other children to tend to, while my oldest son and my husband go off to troop functions. It's sometimes like they are talking a foreign language and I'm expected to nod and smile and pretend I understand what's going on.

 

Now, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm not the passive, "nod and smile" type. Frankly, I got downright ticked at my husband for cutting me off. He didn't realize he was doing it. Once I made him aware of it, things started to change. I'm still not officially involved with the troop, but they know who I am and I'm included in most things.

 

So, having seen a touch of how the other half lives....I would say those spouses who are upset at their overly involved Scouter spouses, I'd say they are feeling left out. What can you do to involve them? Think of it the way you would recruiting any other parent participation....what are your spouse's strengths? How can their vocation, hobbies, interests, etc. benefit the unit? Can they run a den meeting? Be a merit badge counselor? Can they make brownies for the bake sale? Can you bounce ideas off of them when writing your ticket?

 

Presumably you and your spouse share some interest in common or you wouldn't be together in the first place. If he/she feels your shared interests are no longer important to you, what does that say of your interest in him/her? There are two options, keep up with your shared interests or share your new interests with your spouse. The best solution is some mixture of both.