Question re inappropriate scout leader relationships

[Liz 101]

There is some irony in the fact that an unmarried adult leader who has a sexual relationship with another consenting adult unmarried adult leader would get kicked out of adult leadership if the two adults are the same gender, but a MARRIED adult leader who has a similar relationship with an opposite-gender leader who is not his/her spouse is not breaking any written and documented rules and there's nothing BSA can say about it.

 

Although I understand the concept put forth by the Boy Scouts that, as a society which places a high value on "reverence" in a society where most of the religious institutions officially disapprove of homosexuality, well, frankly a much larger majority of people (especially religious but most non-religious as well) in this country strongly frown on adultery as immoral. Why are our volunteers not expected to remain "morally straight" in heterosexual relationships? I know that if this were my boys' troop, if I felt that the boys were getting wind of this going on, we'd be changing troops if we couldn't get the offending individual removed.

 

On the other hand, in most states, adultery isn't even enough to be considered "fault" in a divorce settlement anymore, and it's certainly not illegal.

[shortridge 184]

Scoutmaster Greg House?

 

Now THAT would be my kind of troop. ;-)

[ASM857 10]

Talk to the individual and hopefully they will be more discreet. In our troop this is unacceptable behavior and the leader would be removed from the unit. In our by-laws we state all scouts & scouters must obey the scout oath and law. I know everyone has different morals so thier is a fudge factor to a certain aspect, good luck and good scouting.

 

YIS

Doug

[Bob White 20]

Who is responsible for the selection of adult leaders in a unit?

 

Who has the authority to remove aq scout leader from the unit anytime they want?

 

This situation does not require a BSA policy against adultery. It simply requires the Unit's committee chair, Charter Organization Representative and Instiututional Head to take their responsibilities seriously when it comes to selecting and retaining unit leaders.

 

 

[packsaddle 753]

OK, ok, I confess. I have a mistress. Her name is Sheila but she's Japanese and just as saucy and beautiful as anyone could desire. I'm the only man in her life and she seems just fine with that. I just love the way she responds to my touch, and the sound she makes when we're together, you know what I mean?

 

Strangely my wife doesn't seem to mind either. She actually seems to like having me out her hair now and then. So big deal!

Trouble is, I'm soon going to have to replace Sheila's rear tire.

[acco40 95]

Is Sheila a hybrid?

 

Those of us up in Michigan might not like that she is Japanese.

 

Liz - "Although I understand the concept put forth by the Boy Scouts that, as a society which places a high value on "reverence" in a society where most of the religious institutions officially disapprove of homosexuality, well, frankly a much larger majority of people (especially religious but most non-religious as well) in this country strongly frown on adultery as immoral." Well yes and know. Society doesn't seem to frown so much as a man comitting adultery but a woman? Well, we can all agree that is immoral!

[packsaddle 753]

Hybrid only when she takes me for a ride. But together we go farther and harder than any hybrid. All the way.

 

Vicki, if you're out there this is where you're supposed to pronounce this as more sexist claptrap. I plead guilty.

[Vicki 11]

LOL, Pack!

 

Yep, I'm out here - consider it pronounced. Almost passed up this thread, it's not my usual reading. You made my day (one that wasn't starting out well).

 

Vicki(This message has been edited by Vicki)

[onehouraweekmy 10]

The CC should pull him aside and get to the bottom of it. It's not a personal issue if folks are going to leave the troop because of the scandalous activity.

 

Last I looked, a scout is supposed to be trustworty, loyal, and morally straight. If this adult leader is sending an opposing message, because he can't manage to keep his "affairs" private, then removing him is an appropriate (though not mandatory) option. If it were my troop, and there was anything to it, he'd be gone.

 

[packsaddle 753]

Always glad to help, Vicki. Hope the day is going better for you.

[NancyB 10]

Thanks again for all of your insight. Based on what one of the posts said - and I'm not specifically identifying anyone by their postiions - it would be a council issue. Both parties are married. One of them does not have any boys involved in scouting and realistically could leave the situation by working with one of the many other troops in this area. That would, to me, seem to solve the sitaution. If they want to continue the hanky panky at adult meetings and functions, so be it. But they do not need to flaunt the relationship at functions with the boys.

 

Our school district recently fired a teacher for soliciting a prostitute - he was placed on leave til the criminal matter was resolved. The thought process was that as a teacher he is supposed to set a moral example to the students. I guess I would hope the same could be said of a scout leader. I know that we all make mistakes, but I don't want to see a good troop destroyed b/c of what two volunteers are doing. I know that the scoutmaster has been made aware of the situation and is "monitoring" it - whatever that means and he has expressed his own concerns about their behavior to the parent who has discussed it with him. I really think he is afraid to do anything at this point b/c of the position of one of those involved, and I feel for him. This is not the type of headaches you would ever hope to take on as a volunteer.

 

If both of these leaders were married men who were having an inappropriate relationship, what would be the response of the council? It is an interesting question and I guess I don't know how you would justify a different response to the situation. The bottom line to me is that scouts are supposed to be for the boys and not a dating service for the leaders and the focus needs to be on their best interests. The adult hanky panky needs to go somewhere else. Just my 2 cents.

[Mr. Boyce 13]

In my opinion, scouting doesn't need any of these whack arrangements or stunts. People running the show need to eliminate them. . . (a) for the good of the overall program, (b) for those immediately involved, and © for those DOING the whack stuff---why on Earth is sex so important that someone's getting into things on scouting's time? Suggests bad scouter judgment for many reasons.

[Mr. Boyce 13]

You know, I don't feel like I'm being "conservative" saying the above. I'm just not convinced of the laissez-faire approach to sexual relationships. I don't think this approach has conclusively "won" in the social arena, and I doubt whether it's the better approach for everybody in the long run.

[NancyB 10]

When you read this thread along with the one about adult sleeping arrangements, there are a lot of interesting arguments on both sides.

 

I have talked to the mother of this scout. The son had been aware of the relationship b/c of what he has seen at meetings and scout functions. He was put into the position of keeping his father's secret. I can't begin to imagine the emotional harm he suffered at the scout meetings by being forced to watch his father's behavior with this other leader. Take away the scout uniform, and this is a just a child. We can all argue policy and whether it's any of our business, but the first "policy" of the boy scouts should be doing what is best for the boys. If they want to have a relationship, they need to keep it away from any scout functions/meetings and not use those times as an opportunity to get together with each other. Apparently, they weren't very discreet b/c others have complained to the scout master. The scout master should have referred this amtter to someone in the council to address since the positions of the parties involved make it a council issue.

 

While relationships may happen, the leaders need to think about where they are and who is watching and the age of those who are watching. My son is leaving scouts. I don't know that I even want to look at another troop at this point. I am so disappointed in the way this was handled and allowed to continue on for so long. The mother is still undecided, but now has a very bad impression of scouting. So there is a very strong likelihood that this boy - who had previously won a national heroism award in scouting - may be leaving permanently also. As parents, many of us want to find a safe place for our children where they can grow to be good adults and to learn that values still have a place in this society. Yes, people make mistakes, but mistakes need to be investigated and addressed. That is where I put the "fault", for lack of a better word.

 

I know that my position may offend/infuriate/disappoint others on this board. But that's ok, too, we are all entitled to our own opinions. I am not some comservative Christian or any other label. I am just a mom and I need to act in the best interests of my son. He is a boy and a child and my son first, and a scout second. It's my job to bring him up the best I can and hope that he turns out to be a good adult, and at this point, this is not the enviornment he needs to be in.

 

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts on this. I have struggled with this decision for some time. The comments on this board have helped me to see the different viewpoints on this matter. I only hope that the council does investigate the matter and take whatever steps are necessary. If things change, I would still like to have him in scouting b/c there are so many good individuals out there who have given so much of themselves. It is a shame that two people are being permitted to act in such a way to damage their troop.

[ScoutNut 147]

So, let me get this straight - Instead of talking to the 2 people involved, you went to the man's wife instead??

 

What was the purpose of that? Did you talk to the "other" woman's husband too?

 

If "all" of the families in this Troop were up in arms over the behavior of these two people, why is it that no one (including you) had the guts to talk to either of them face to face about it?

 

And then you blame it all on BSA??? Sheesh!