Why do adults quit?

[Proud Eagle 13]

Let me suggest something no one else has:

Many Scouters don't know how to say "No" when asked to do something.

 

When asked to do something we instinctively say "yes" because it is the helpful... thing to do.

 

I know I have a hard time saying "no" amd I usually feel guilty about it when I do. It would almost be easier to quit entirely than say "no" to specific things.

 

Generally this causes people to become involved in things they don't want to do, don't believe they are qualified for, or simply don't have the time and resources to do. This is especially true when asked to do several things.

 

I think every major BSA training should include a section on knowing your own limits and how to say "no" when you have reached them.

 

"Hi, I am Proud Eagle. I have a problem with always saying, 'yes'."

 

[packsaddle 753]

Hey, Proud Eagle, I liked that and I deeply sympathize. Over the years I have been able to develop resistance, however, to saying 'yes' to the council. Instead I give it all to the boys.

 

Kittle, I have to respond to your message. I was a Webelos leader and later cubmaster for years. I love the cubs and I think I was able to cope with what you describe by taking on a mental attitude that I was a zookeeper. Those boys are, to my mind, the moral equivalent of raccoons (ready to raid any cookie jar around) and I was able to avoid excessive frustration by associating my expectations with my zoological view. Just a suggestion...adopt a realistic expectation and enjoy the ride.

[SeattlePioneer 144]

Good idea there Proud Eagle. I think you have identified a Scouter skill not subject to any training.

 

However --- after turning down the request of the DE to be District Membership Chair, several months later I attended the district awards banquet and found myself listed on the program ---as Membership Chair, a job I continue to do today.

 

I turned it down on the basis that it was a job I wasn't especially suited to do by personality, and that I already had two Scouting jobs which monopolized my free time. Doing more would wind up blighting my life instead of enhancing it.

 

That's all proved to be true to at least some extent. On the other hand, the DE has helped compensate for some of the things I don't do well, and I have managed to do things that otherwise would not be done.

 

It has pinched my time, especially this fall, when I was doing recruiting for a Cub Pack, Scout Troop, the district and being defactor Scoutmaster. Fall is the busy season for my furnace repair business as well.

 

 

 

Seattle Pioneer

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Eagledad 2779]

>>"Hi, I am Proud Eagle. I have a problem with always saying, 'yes'."

[scoutingagain 20]

In the words of Dirty Harry(Clint Eastwood),

 

"A man's (or woman) got to know his (or her) limitations."

 

SA

[Cubmaster Jerry 10]

Uh, (meekly raising my hand within the circle of others), my name is Jerry and I too have the problem with not being able to say 'no'.

 

It all started innocently enough with being a simple helper at my son's den meetings. It was just one craft the first time. Really it was. But the addiction just spread so quickly. Soon, a single craft wasn't enough. I needed more. Next thing I knew I was a DL, then CC, Trainer, CM, involved with other unit, District roles - I never knew it could get so serious. They always told me it would make me feel better. That it really wasn't the time but the experience. The support of my wife, while admirable and good intentioned, really only added to the rapid spreading of the sickness. Because the more she does to help me out the more time that provides me to say 'yes' to something else.

 

My name is Jerry, and I too have a problem with not being able to say 'no'.

 

(isn't there a patch I can put on my arm or a pill I can swallow that will help?)

 

(This message has been edited by Cubmaster Jerry)

[OneHour 11]

Cubmaster Jerry,

 

Now ... look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me.

 

"No

No

No

No

 

'because, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

 

Now, take three "why does a chicken cross the road" and sing "God Bless My Underwear" and let the activity fails if neccessary!

 

 

 

Now, why do adults quit? 'cause of other adults and pride do not mix!

 

1Hour

 

Come back next

[GopherJudy 10]

I'm sure that there are a lot of reasons & 1 of the reasons was mentioned at our Roundtable last month - burnout! I can't expand upon that because I'm not there yet.

 

My son crossed over to Boy Scouts in March & I felt very "lost" & "denless". I was hoping to get involved with the troop committee but was told that they don't need my help, maybe in September! I'm still involved with the Pack though! I'm a Tiger Den Leader now & no, I don't have a son in Cub Scouts! When we had our fall recruitment I said if none of the parents want to be the Tiger DL that I would do it. I have 2 boys in my den & I'm having a great time, they are very eager & enthusiastic. We were hoping for more but the sad thing is, is that when the parents were told that they had to stay for the Tiger den meetings, they didn't want to & didn't sign their son up! I will be with these boys til they graduate from Webelos & hopefully more will sign up.

 

I'm sure uncooperative parents don't help either! I've dealt with that when Mark was in Webelos!

 

Judy

[frankj 10]

I'll add one here, that by itself is not a reason to quit, more an irritation than anything else. I turned in a merit badge counselor application form for an adult leader today. He is registered, a committee member and previously submitted the adult application form when he got active in our troop. The district told me he would have to submit another application form (but no fee) in order for them to process the merit badge counselor form.

 

I think I know why they are asking for this. The adult registration form probably has some information that is needed to facilitate the background check and the merit badge form does not have this info. It may be national policy or our council or maybe just our district. Any comment? It begs the question of how they handle a prospective merit badge counselor who is not registered with a troop.

[Eagledad 2779]

>>Any comment? It begs the question of how they handle a prospective merit badge counselor who is not registered with a troop.

[Hunt 11]

" He is registered, a committee member and previously submitted the adult application form when he got active in our troop. The district told me he would have to submit another application form (but no fee) in order for them to process the merit badge counselor form."

 

I encountered this some time back, and never found a really clear answer on why this was being required. Recently at a recharter meeting, a guy from the council said that all position changes require a new application form, and that criminal background checks are being performed--apparently in the past, they weren't performed on everybody, and rather than going back and doing them on all registered leaders, they are doing them as positions change. I suspect that this is also being done when a registered leader becomes a MBC. It may also be that MBCs, as district positions rather than troop positions, are recorded differently in BSA's system, and that having a separate application makes it easier. While it's kind of a pain, it really hasn't discouraged anybody that I know of.

 

[tomtoad 10]

Aah - group therapy! Is there a 12-step program for learning to say no? If so maybe I should join too. I might be developing a problem with not being able to say "no". I find that I'm spending more and more time doing things for the troop outside of my "den leader" assignments, maybe this is a red-flag. ;D

[Newbie Den Leader 10]

Quoted earlier by Kudu:

 

"A few years ago, when my District Commissioner asked me if I was interested in being Scoutmaster of his son's Troop, I asked their acting Scoutmaster why he was quitting. He wrote me a list of 86 reasons, which can be found at:

 

http://inquiry.net/adult/burnout.htm"

 

I think #66 from the above link says it all:

 

66. I won't have to have 15 people say that they want to do something, then after all the arrangements are made, only 3 people show up.

 

 

 

[Torveaux 10]

Kittle,

 

I would suggest remaining with the Pack as well in a much reduced capacity. Serve on the Committee, help with an event or two.

 

My reasoning is purely selfish for your younger son. He will have a better program if you and others like you continue to lend it stability.

 

There are pros and cons to turnover. Some 'old-timers' are great leaders. Others are just power hungry moles that need to get a life outside Scouting. I think there are real advantages to units having a mix of parents and non-parents as leaders. The old-timers can lend continuity, but the unit needs the new blood as well.

 

I am lucky, in a sense, that when my older boy bridges to Boy Scouts, the younger one will become a Tiger. I will remain active in Cub Scouts and offer limited service to the Troop. I think my older boy needs to spread his wings and Scouting is one of the safer places to do so. Maybe I will be a MB Counselor or some other ancillary role, but I will not be an ASM or SM, nor will I serve on BsOR. Perhaps after a couple of years learning the ropes, I will step up for those roles.

 

 

[Cubmaster Jerry 10]

Newbie DL, that list is from someone who apparently had a bad experience from scouting and didn't desire to try to make it better.