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Adult going to residential summer camp


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This is a bit embarrassing, but.....

Who is allowed to accompany a Wolf cub to residential summer camp? Does it have to be a parent? Background: My younger son is currently a Wolf. I’m divorced, and he rarely sees his father. My boyfriend and I live together and have since my son was three. My son calls him dad, and people at Cub Scouts have just sort of assumed that BF is his dad. I’ve never corrected them. My older son is a Boy Scout, so this assumption has gone on for a long time! I’m also the Wolf Den Leader.  Most people in our lives assume he’s my sons’ father— he moved in when  my older son was in second grade and starting at a new school.  At some point, it became clear that my sons didn’t like me to correct people about their assumptions, so I stopped doing it.  Certainly close friends— including some Scouts, but not the Cubmaster or anyone in leadership— know he’s not their father.  It isn’t a state secret.  However, most casual acquaintances assume he’s their dad.

My boyfriend is accompanying my son to residential summer camp. He’s filled in all the paperwork, etc— but should I give the camp and Cubmaster a heads up that he isn’t my son’s Dad?!? I would feel awkward doing so, at this point, but I’d rather be clear upfront, if needed. Or does it not matter?

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So, I have taught preschool for many years, and since mine was a federal Head Start program, we had federal inspectors and Child Development Specialists come to our classrooms often. I was told,

Whatever you do, do NOT let the BF become a registered scout leader.  Because then BF could not be at home alone with your son or drive him to meetings.....

Thank heaven he’s in the house to prevent me from being alone with my son!

Assume the worst, prepare for the best....

What is his "legal" status vis a vis the Scouts?   Does he have "guardianship" of the boys?  I think you need a lawyer's opinion here more than some Scout Loyal internet opinions.

Regardless of your ex's status, and you do need a lawyer to clarify that,  in an emergency your "live in", no matter how he is accepted by the boys,  may have no say in what needs to be done.  Knock on your lawyer's door.

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51 minutes ago, bearess said:

My boyfriend is accompanying my son to residential summer camp. He’s filled in all the paperwork, etc— but should I give the camp and Cubmaster a heads up that he isn’t my son’s Dad?

Yes.

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Yeah, as I think about it, two deep leadership should apply to him, and I’d assume he can’t tent with my son.

He’s not my son’s Guardian, and I’m listed on all emergency contact info.

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32 minutes ago, bearess said:

Yeah, as I think about it, two deep leadership should apply to him, and I’d assume he can’t tent with my son.

Correct. This may seem to be just a little bit ridiculous, seeing that they already live together under the same roof, but scout leaders really don't want to get themselves involved in making any value judgements regarding informal relationships. 

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31 minutes ago, bearess said:

Yeah, as I think about it, two deep leadership should apply to him, and I’d assume he can’t tent with my son.

He’s not my son’s Guardian, and I’m listed on all emergency contact info.

This would be my understanding. 

I clarified with my local council that my adult kids (who were also Scouts) could go to cub scout camp in the same role as a parent would be to my daughter, because they are actual immediate family - but even then they had to research a little and get back to me with the OK. 

I believe a step parent qualifies as a parent, but if there is no legal relationship at all between the adult and the child, from a liability standpoint that isn't going to work. He needs to be treated like any other adult leader in that case.

 

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29 minutes ago, David CO said:

Correct. This may seem to be just a little bit ridiculous, seeing that they already live together under the same roof, but scout leaders really don't want to get themselves involved in making any value judgements regarding informal relationships. 

I mean, ultimately, what happens in my house is my legal responsibility.  What happens at camp is BSA’s responsibility.  It makes sense.

Although, last night we were chatting about this, and counted it all up— between coaching soccer, hockey, and Little League, umping Little League, helping with church youth group, and going on field trips, BF has had nine background checks since moving in with me!  He did all the same stuff with his 24 y/o daughter— not one background check.  Times have changed!

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22 minutes ago, JoeBob said:

Whatever you do, do NOT let the BF become a registered scout leader.  Because then BF could not be at home alone with your son or drive him to meetings.....

Thank heaven he’s in the house to prevent me from being alone with my son! ;)

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4 hours ago, bearess said:

My boyfriend is accompanying my son to residential summer camp. He’s filled in all the paperwork, etc— but should I give the camp and Cubmaster a heads up that he isn’t my son’s Dad?!? I would feel awkward doing so, at this point, but I’d rather be clear upfront, if needed. Or does it not matter?

The Cubmaster should know the facts of the situation.  As others mentioned above, there are BSA rules that apply.  I'm sorry it creates a difficult situation, but it's not fair to the leader in charge at camp not to know the situation.  

I hope he has a great time at camp!

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10 minutes ago, shortridge said:

Ugh, you’re right, I am confusing them.  I knew  what I meant though— he can’t be alone with my son (out of view of others) at camp.

i just called the Cubmaster and told him.  It was a bit funny— I’m 40, BF is 61.  The Cubmaster was like, well, actually, this is great news!  I always pictured you as a twenty five year old dating a forty five year old and it just didn’t compute!  This scenario makes much more sense!  Ha.

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I've always kind of wondered about these scenarios since, frankly, I am an odd duck in the Scouting community. I am not married and have no children, but I am a Den Leader over the Pack's largest Den, I am the most active member of our Cub Committee, and I am at all activities - Day Camp, Scout-O-Rama, et cetera, - as a youngish single guy with no actual relation to any of the boys I work with. It would be far too easy to assume that as a professional educator and child development specialist, I could go about my Scouting business without raising too many eyebrows, but I have to be careful since, in today's climate, every action I take and every comment I make could be taken the wrong way by some parent who doesn't know my background or training. I have to bear in mind that these parents are trusting their children with me, a single man, sometimes for hours at a time. So I am meticulous in ensuring that I ALWAYS have my assistant or another parent near me at all times, and I have trained my boys to know that I cannot be in a room alone with them EVER. So much so that they often use it to taunt me; I arrive early to Den Meetings to set up, and if a boy shows up and I am the only adult in the room, he WILL yell at me to get out until another grown up is present. They then have free access to whatever treats are in my bag, or they may play with my hat if I forget to grab it, or whatever mischief they feel like getting into at the time - but at least they know to protect themselves, and I know that I am protecting myself from any potentially awkward or untoward situations. Total transparency has long been one of my most valuable shields against misperceptions.

Today's society makes it incredibly difficult for men to make a difference in the lives of young people. But as long as you take the right precautions, it can be done. 

Edited by The Latin Scot
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