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Bobbys_mommy

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4 hours ago, scoutldr said:

If your child has been bullied, it is a direct violation of BSA Youth Protection policies, and should be reported immediately to the Council Scout Executive directly.  Call the Council Office and use the code words, "I need to speak immediately to the Scout Executive about a Youth Protection matter."  Do NOT deal with the Pack Committee, the Commissioners, or the District.  This will get their attention, believe me.  I take it from your posts that you are a registered Leader?  If so, you have no doubt taken the online BSA Youth Protection training, which is required of all adult volunteers.  Bullying a child is NEVER acceptable in the Scouting program, especially by an adult.  If you get no satisfaction from the BSA, you always have the option of contacting your local Child Protective Services.  

^^^^^THIS^^^^^

Another important part of this is that while you may have only seen bullying with your boy, there may be a pattern of it that you don't see. It will be important for the scout executive to be aware of your boy's situation so that he can check to see if this has happened before in the pack. Also, should it happen again to another boy, there would be documentation of this case.

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13 minutes ago, Bobbys_mommy said:

... I just want my child's records transferred at this point but apparently that is not even going to be easy :(

@Bobbys_mommy I wouldn't worry too much about the records. He has sign-offs in his book, right?

At this level, it's not too hard to go over the pack calendar and cover the things he had completed there. Then, most things that he completed at home, you could go over with his new den leader. That's the point about dens, boys are able to able to get the individual attention they need.

Speaking of individual attention. The downside of a den is it might become pretty clear pretty quick that your boy is an instigator. That's a good thing for a parent to know, but it might be tough on the boy as he now has to unwind some of the conduct that led to this situation. (I'm not saying his conduct wasn't partly or wholly defensive ... just that I've found that boys coming from such situations have a hard time letting their guard down.) An honest den leader will let you in on what if anything is going on. You just have to be prepared to work with it.

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qwazse, I don't see why I can't show the signed book/cards to prove he earned what he has, but they all seem to be asking for this "transfer report" from the old pack.

While my son is clearly not an instigator (which might be hard for others to see without knowing him) I do see what you are saying and I do fear that it will be heard for him to let his guard down in the future. Heck, we as parents might have trouble trusting again and that is exactly why I'm being open and honest with the new pack as far as what has occurred to prompt us to come to them.

We also intend to refrain from any leadership responsibilities at a new pack so that our focus when taking him to these meetings is on his safety and security.

 

He really didn't earn much at the meetings, we have always done a lot outside of the meetings. I don't think a single 1 of his 25 belt loops was earned at any meetings. They may have done an activity here or there but majority of it has been done at home or out and about in the world.

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5 minutes ago, Bobbys_mommy said:

qwazse, I don't see why I can't show the signed book/cards to prove he earned what he has, but they all seem to be asking for this "transfer report" from the old pack.

While my son is clearly not an instigator (which might be hard for others to see without knowing him) I do see what you are saying and I do fear that it will be heard for him to let his guard down in the future. Heck, we as parents might have trouble trusting again and that is exactly why I'm being open and honest with the new pack as far as what has occurred to prompt us to come to them. 

We also intend to refrain from any leadership responsibilities at a new pack so that our focus when taking him to these meetings is on his safety and security. 

 

He really didn't earn much at the meetings, we have always done a lot outside of the meetings. I don't think a single 1 of his 25 belt loops was earned at any meetings. They may have done an activity here or there but majority of it has been done at home or out and about in the world.

Those who do this regularly can explain why, but it's a lot easier to work with a "transfer report." Also post-modern nomads tend to put their faith in database output, but I don't think that's a prime factor.

Anyway, have fun first. Patches will follow.

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On 4/29/2018 at 11:26 AM, Bobbys_mommy said:

Yes David, that would be the cubmaster's father, the person at the meeting who was pretending that he needed to be held back from saying or doing something to me, as though he was going to haul off and hit a woman or something.

 

Parents have NEVER been invited to committee meetings, most don't even know they exist. Leaders were invited once, but after that we were told that our attendance was unnecessary going forward. I was told I was only needed at that 1 meeting to "take notes" because the cubmaster couldn't make it.

 

I'm finding out now that no one can tell us whether we can or should attend meetings. They are supposed to be open to everyone, every parent. District is trying to correct this issue, which is why I'm only drafting an e-mail at this point, not yet sending it. 

 

Committee members lied at this meeting, claiming that all parents have always been invited and made to feel welcome to attend committee meetings. Today is actually the first time they are hearing anything about it.

They need to go through training.  CMs, DLs, etc. shouldn't be on the Committee. It's a check  and balance thing.  And, yes, parents are eligible to come to any meeting.  

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Perdidochas, we are finding out all kinds of things that we never knew and, given this was our first time in a pack, had nothing to compare it to.

I believe that is why they are so mad at me, because they've gotten away with doing things however they wanted for so long, but I ruined that for them.

I don't think anyone there does any more training than is absolutely necessary. They tried to talk us out of going to University of Scouting because "it's so expensive". It cost $35, including lunch.

I wonder if they just felt we were showing them up by wanting to go...

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I would recommend going to your council office and asking them for a copy of your son's records.  Bring his handbook and pocket certificates (pocket cards) with you.

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I would expect your council to have records if your advancement chair is doing their job, but given that this pack runs a little goofy, it's hard to say.  But check in with them.   I personally would not sweat over Cub advancement records except for Religious emblems and Arrow of Light, which follow a Cub in to Boy Scouts.  I would expect any pack to just take you at your word of your son's achievements.

Best wishes for everything and thanks for being a Scouting family. 

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2 hours ago, perdidochas said:

They need to go through training.  CMs, DLs, etc. shouldn't be on the Committee. It's a check  and balance thing.  And, yes, parents are eligible to come to any meeting.  

Our den leaders and cubmaster attend the meetings, as most of our committee meeting time is about planning the Pack meetings and upcoming events.  But we work as a team on that stuff.  Parents are always welcome. 

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I'll also tell you that with some people, email is a terrible, terrible form of communication in conflict.   I have given up using email most of the time unless it's simple or I know someone really well.  

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The cub master has made it clear that he doesn't have time to talk to anyone about anything because he has a full-time job. He even said this in front of everyone from district.

My husband told him he didn't want to hear it. My husband has a full-time and a part-time job. He said he still finds time to do whatever he needs or wants to do with our family AND put more time/effort into scouts than the cub master.

Personally I'd rather talk to each other but we weren't given many good options here.

Lesson learned. We had no idea that things should have been different or that it's run better elsewhere. Now we know.

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Being on the pack committee and attending pack committee meetings are two separate issues.  And packs can have joint committee / leaders meetings, if they want to.

JMO, but I would just focus on the bullying issue.  In your meeting, be specific about how exactly you think your son was bullied.

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