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The major point here for me (setting aside the criminal record for a moment) is that this is your boyfriend. He is not a parent, step-parent, legal guardian, or registered adult leader. For this reaso

I can sympathize with your situation. I can also understand why you and he want to be active in this aspect of your scout's life. But, let's keep in mind that scouting is not for us. It isn't for

The judge didn't think so. The newspaper didn't think so. The scout unit didn't think so. I think it is time you wake up and smell the coffee. A felony conviction is not insignificant.  

I'm not in your area or situation and only know/understand what's been recounted here. Your choices and lifestyle are your own. Who you date is entirely your business. But the bottom line is most any CM would be responsible and reasonable to error on the side of safety for all the kids. Whether from their own judgement or Parent complaint or Committee directive the CM made a decision and communicated it to you.

On 4/4/2018 at 4:53 PM, scoutmom86 said:

All we wanted to to was attend the days activities as a family and leave at lights out. We didn’t want to set up a meth lab in our tent. Geezzz.... 

On 5/27/2018 at 5:05 AM, bearess said:

I also think you are forgetting how quick this all is.  I don’t know when the conviction occurred, but he’s not even off probation.  You’ve been together less than a year.  I don’t know when his marriage ended, but he has a two year old daughter.  In ten years, nobody will think a thing of this.  Right now, it’s still very fresh.  Be patient.

Now scouter and leadership role aside, this is my thoughts as a concerned parent and honest reaction. Bearess is pointing out something important here. Your timeline of events for your boyfriend is rather quick paced. There is a lot of personal activity going on in relatively short period there that would have me personally question having my child around your boyfriend regardless of a felony conviction. I'm not saying your life has any, but I see a lot of potential for some Springer style drama that as a parent I wouldn't want my son exposed to. To much seemingly forced family making. Add a recent felony conviction and the eyes in the back of my head usually reserved for my son would be lasered in on your boyfriend any time he was around. It may be judgemental and unfair but it's very appropriate in regards to protecting my son. Maybe over time, working with your boyfriend at different events, gaining first hand knowledge of who he is, and trying to live by the Scout law I'd learn to trust him.

Now everyone's "normal" is different and what is normal for you and allows you to build trust is not going to be the same for those who have a differing "normal". Some may trust easier, others not so much. But if he isn't going to comply with the CM request and make himself available at other events with you for Pack Parents or leaders to build any trust with him, nothing will change. If he is holding a grudge and is going to show the Pack whats what when his son is a Lion then he's in scouting for the wrong reason and I still wouldn't want him interacting with my son's den. I have long hair and have had it for 20 years....and every time I walk into a church, or my son's teacher conferences, or scouting events I feel the odd disapproving eyes on me and get the snipey sarcastic comments from people. And I smile, get over it and move on because my hair is none of their business. If you want your boyfriend involved for your son's sake then tell him to get over himself and go to what events he can.

On 5/27/2018 at 7:51 AM, scoutmom86 said:

 Nor did I ever have intentions of leaving him alone at an event with his “nonchildren”.

It's for your son so I assume you would be there anyway, so it won't be that difficult to keep your boyfriend near. Jump through the hoops. all 1,000 of them if that's what's required. Because it's for your son.

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It didn’t bother me so much that they didn’t want him to be interacting with other children. It bothered me that he was singled out because of small town gossip. I am only aware of one other person who was singled out this way and it is because he was a convicted sex offender wishing to be his son’s den leader. He was denied by big counsil.

It is over and done at this point. Our lives did move at an incredibly fast pace, but at almost 32, I’ve been through my fair share of ups and downs. And I can understand why others were set off by his appearance, once again, because he doesnt have the best reputation. But people change. And I think he deserved that much at least.

I just think there had to have been a better way to approach this situation. Instead of gossip about it with the other soccer mom perfect parents at a committee meeting, maybe they could’ve welcomed him and been more friendly. Given him a pamphlet on safety. Idk, I’m just throwing out ideas. But kick someone down when they’re trying to be better and make a difference to a boy who hasn’t seen his own father in almost a year seems pretty crappy to me.

I’m also proud to say he’s still sober, and has become a strong foundation for our family, and all five of our children. He’s in every stadium, every event, every practice sideline as he possibly can when he’s home after working up to 28 days at sea at a time.

You said it perfectly when you said you have no idea about our area or my situation. There’s more to it than speculation, which is my point exactly. It will be okay, and we won’t think about this down the road. But every time I have to look at these people, I think about how they all sit around and talk about other people’s downfalls. To have been a fly on the wall in that committee meeting... doesn’t feel so much like family anymore, like it used to be.

My boy is at a show and sell now, working his tail off for his last year as a cub. 

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  • 3 months later...

I hate to bring this up, but I would not be surprised if the real reason the CM and other committee members are cautious of your boyfriend's involvement is because of your choices, not just his.  In your post, you state that A) your ex husband is a violent felon, B) Your father has run afoul of the law, C) your boyfriend of only a few months is divorced with a drug problem, and D)your boyfriend also is a convicted felon for drug possession.  The problem here is simply that EVERYONE in this poor boy's life is making "bad choices" with a record of harm to others outside the family.  It is clear that the boy desperately needs positive role models that Scouting can provide, but he probably would benefit from LESS involvement with your family, not more, statistically speaking, and the CM is probably not saying THAT but thinking it.  Let it go, and cheerfully participate in whatever level the Pack allows, and be grateful for the positivity the Pack can provide.


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I’m actually pretty sure she just doesn’t like him specifically. I’m pretty sure this was never brought to the board. It’s just her. And that’s fine. She doesn’t know of my fathers history, nor does she really know my son’s father’s history. Nor has she ever asked.

Im also proud to say that my guy has continued to make good choices. And has been a wonderful parent to my children. Especially in absence of their dad. Going on 16 months since he’s been in contact.

And my son is getting close to the end of his Cub Scout experience. It’s what he and I do together separate from his siblings. And we enjoy our time spent without the little ones. So it worked out anyways.

On to Boy Scouts, where none of this will be relevant anyhow...


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