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bearess

Crossing over/Troop choice

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Troop 1 and leave M behind.  M has a problem with the ASM?  That's a problem for no one, other than M.  Don't let M make the problem worse.

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I know every area is different, but the local Catholic church/school's was open to everyone. About 1/3 of my pack growing up had no affilaition to either the church or school.

 

That being said, do what your son wants to do. The troop my son joined was small, needed adults, and had some challenges. He liked it, and brought 3 of his buddies over to the troop within 9 months.

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My son wouldn't even consider going to a troop without his friends, and it would be a tough sell for him to go to a troop at a strange meeting place and strange leaders even with his friends coming along.

Going to a troop in a strange place where he knows nobody and alone with none of his friends along..... forget about it!  No way would that ever happen.  Scouts just isn't that important to him.  I can imagine a lot of scouts are this same way.

 

Yeah, I have to agree with others..... #1 seems like the best way to steer him

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My son wouldn't even consider going to a troop without his friends, and it would be a tough sell for him to go to a troop at a strange meeting place and strange leaders even with his friends coming along.

Going to a troop in a strange place where he knows nobody and alone with none of his friends along..... forget about it!  No way would that ever happen.  Scouts just isn't that important to him.  I can imagine a lot of scouts are this same way.

 

Yeah, I have to agree with others..... #1 seems like the best way to steer him

 

There seems to be a consensus on this forum that it is very important for scouts to stay with their friends.  I find this interesting because I don't see this happening so much in sports.  

 

Most boys choose a sports team based on the activity and the quality of the program, not on whether or not their friends will be on the same team.  In fact, most youth sports programs don't even bother to consider the boys' friendships when they divide up the teams.

 

Youth athletes seem to be more adventurous and resilient when it comes to meeting new people and making new friends.  They are more willing to step outside of their comfort zone.

 

I actually think this is one of the reason sports programs are so successful in competing with scouting.  Many parents want their boys to step out of their comfort zone a little bit.

Edited by David CO

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There seems to be a consensus on this forum that it is very important for scouts to stay with their friends.  I find this interesting because I don't see this happening so much in sports.  

 

Most boys choose a sports team based on the activity and the quality of the program, not on whether or not their friends will be on the same team.  In fact, most youth sports programs don't even bother to consider the boys' friendships when the divide up the teams.

 

Youth athletes seem to be more adventurous and resilient when it comes to meeting new people and making new friends.

 

I actually think this is one of the reason sports programs are so successful in competing with scouting.  Many parents want their boys to step out of their comfort zone a little bit.

 

I think that's because there is this misguided belief that kids are going to get an athletic scholarship and go on to be the next millionaire athlete. 

 

Scouting is more of a social development program in which kids hang out with their friends and learn leadership and citizenship in the process. Eagle rank might get them some preferential treatment in applications but people don't associate people's success to them having become an eagle scout. There are plenty of successful individuals who were never scouts but very few professional athletes who were not in the pee wee leagues. 

 

My point is, that, in my opinion, it's best for the scout to have the support group of his friends as he moves from cubs to scouts. 

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Youth athletes seem to be more adventurous and resilient when it comes to meeting new people and making new friends.  They are more willing to step outside of their comfort zone.

 

I actually think this is one of the reason sports programs are so successful in competing with scouting.  Many parents want their boys to step out of their comfort zone a little bit.

 

With all the Guides, rules, policies and regulations of BSA, I don't think this is going to happen very much any more.  With the way things are going, it may get worse.  Young boys are promised Adventure in Scouting, not many get it.

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I think the difference between Scouts and sports is the nature of the activity. My son plays baseball/hockey- and, sure, he meets new kids on his teams. But when they are practicing/at games, they aren't really socializing. They're there to play a sport. Sure, The chat here and there- but that's not the purpose of the activity.

Scouts- especially camping/hiking/biking/whatever else-ing- is naturally more social. There's more downtime. So friendships are more important.

It's the same for adults- I play women's league hockey. When I signed up, I didn't ask friends to go with me- I realized I missed playing hockey, found a local woman's league, and joined. I also camp a lot- I do that with girlfriends and their kids or my boyfriend. It's a more social thing.

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I think the difference between Scouts and sports is the nature of the activity. My son plays baseball/hockey- and, sure, he meets new kids on his teams. But when they are practicing/at games, they aren't really socializing. They're there to play a sport. Sure, The chat here and there- but that's not the purpose of the activity.

Scouts- especially camping/hiking/biking/whatever else-ing- is naturally more social. There's more downtime. So friendships are more important.

It's the same for adults- I play women's league hockey. When I signed up, I didn't ask friends to go with me- I realized I missed playing hockey, found a local woman's league, and joined. I also camp a lot- I do that with girlfriends and their kids or my boyfriend. It's a more social thing.

It's like my kids have an evil quadruplet! (Although their sport is soccer, and grandkids haven't arrived, yet.)

 

I think scouting gives a person the ability to focus on obtuse goals and think outside the box. (That includes taking weekends at a time time to build deep friendships.)

I think sports gives the person the ability to focus on narrowly defined goals and think within parameters of time, space, and regulations. (That includes commitment to work lock-step with complete strangers -- either on the same or opposite team -- on a weekly basis.) I'd say the same for band or theater.

 

We need both.

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Children, like any other person, have skills and talents that over the course of time are slowly developed.  Whether it be a skill, a relationship, or plan for their future.

 

My youngest daughter did well in school.  People talk about left brain/right brain fostering either strong artistic abilities vs.strong analytical abilities.  Well, she was endowed with both.  She is a fantastic artist.  I have a great piece of her work hanging in my living room right now.  She has performed many times in high school and community theater productions.  And yet she won the over all school award for Mathematics and graduated Valedictorian of her class, a large class from a large high school.  She won a full ride scholarship for electrical engineering at Marquette University.  Yet after two years of study there she came to me in tears and told me all she wanted to do in life was to be a stay-at-home mom and raise children.  I told her to go for it and don't worry about what others think, it's your life.  She is now happily married and has two great kids.  I couldn't be any more proud of her even if I could.

 

I never told her to be an artist, I never told her to be an electrical engineer, I only told her to be what she wanted to be.

 

So, how many 5 or 6 year old kids know what they are or what they want to be at that age and what happens when parents, outsiders, society try to tell them what they are or should be.  I see it occurring everyday all over the place.Just let them be who they are and wait and see what they become.  They don't need to be told.  Parents who interfere in this process run the risk of being abusive, domineering and contrary to health and well-being of the child.  Growing up is difficult in and of itself, they don't need abusive parental and societal interference in the process.

 

My oldest daughter told me once that she wanted to be a glitter artist when she grew up.  Eventually she told me she absolutely hates glitter.  So when she was older I sent her one of those cards that when opened exploded glitter all over the place. It took me two days of cleaning her house to get back into her good graces.  I hate glitter now, too.

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I am so glad to find this site, and this thread in particular.  I am the den leader for my son, who is AOL/Webelos 2.  I took our den to visit all three local Boy Scout troops, and while they are all pretty different, I feel that they are all solid troops led by great people.  The parents in my den are all leaning toward one troop that is mid-sized, but most of the boys, including my son, really liked another, smaller troop.  This thread is helping me think through the pros and cons.  My gut says to go with the troop where my son is most comfortable.  Even if it is small.  I know the Scoutmaster (he is our former Cubmaster and I couldn't have more respect for the guy - he is trying to turn this troop, which almost dissolved before he took over, around).  

 

And I think I just have to explain to the parents and boys in my den, that while it would be great to stay together in Boy Scouts, every Scout has to pick the troop that works best for him and his family.  I certainly don't want to make anyone pressured to follow my son (though I would hope at least a couple of friends would join with him - I see Scouting as a great touchpoint for these kids as the enter the big world of Middle School!).  Anyway, just wanted to thank you all for the advice above and welcome any other thoughts on my den's situation.  

 

The boys want to have a meeting to talk about it all, so I plan to give them some time during our den meeting tomorrow night.  Any thoughts on how to facilitate that discussion to be most productive are much appreciated.  Thanks again.

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We had a meeting like that.  I brought a large pad and we wrote down our thoughts on the different troops along with what we knew about them - how often they camp, size, etc.  We didn't call them pros and cons, but there was good and bad things on the pad.  I also tried to play devil's advocate for some items - one troop was considered too big, but I pointed out that they have more trips and more opportunities - they're the only troop in town that can send a contingent to Philmont.  Stuff like that.

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Son #1's den went to two different troops. (The other troop didn't last many years after that.)

Everyone remained friends. In fact he helped one boy who went to the other troop get his band off the ground.

That said, his best friends were the ones that went with him to his troop. One of those was actually a groom's man in his wedding.

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The boys want to have a meeting to talk about it all, so I plan to give them some time during our den meeting tomorrow night.  Any thoughts on how to facilitate that discussion to be most productive are much appreciated.  Thanks again.

 

Find a way to minimize adult comments.  You will always have parents that feel strongly or want to influence their son in the direction they think is best.  That's their right and duty. But it subverts getting the scouts to speak and express their thoughts.  In all things scouting, adult comments and taking charge shuts down the scouts.  Find a way to minimize it.  

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"Ummm.  Well, what do YOU think, Tom?"

 

"Ummmm.  Well, what do YOU think Kevin?"

 

Ummmm.   Well, wht do YOU think,  Pete?  " 

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We found a big determent in our selection was the night of the week we meant. Once sports teams, church, and band practiced knocked out a lot of nights we were the only option. Bit of a blow to the ego, that.

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