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Hi, I am currently a Webelos I leader in northern Ohio. I've been a leader since my son was a Tiger. Tonight I encountered a situation that really made me think. Does the BSA have a policy regarding combative parents? I've read tons of materials on how to keep the boys safe, but I don't remember coming across anything on how to keep a den leader safe from a parent. Tonight one of my parents sat up in his chair to intimidate me and yelled in my face simply because I corrected him on one minor detail. This is a very large man and I did not appreciate the way he acted towards me at all, let alone the fact that I it was in front of the scouts and parents and I was defending one of their answers to my question. He is a know-it-all type and has a tendency to interrupt and try to take over the meetings or other activities. I simply looked away and waited until he was done speaking. I was given the advice to approach him about the situation but I do not feel comfortable being alone with him and I don't feel that an email would be appropriate. What is recommended in this type of situation?

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Do talk to him in person. Do bring someone who witnessed the situation along. Explain that you had never met someone who acted like that over a small issue. If anything he said was actually right, be clear that you appreciated what he said, but when and how he said it undermined your trust in him. Finally, explain that this is about the boys, and we have to teach them to disagree respectfully. Like Sg said, the pack CC is a good third party, but you need to think about who this guy may trust. If there's a mutual friend who might understand what this fellow's going through, it may be helpful to find out what's going on in the guy's life.

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I would talk to him offline and away from the kids/parents and let him know your thoughts. Just as others have said. The CC is a good choice, but I would inform the Cubmaster as well since they will be at Pack Meetings and he might erupt there too. You can tell the parent that if he does not change his attiude, that his son is welcome, but he is not. During the meetings his mother can come or he can sit outside away from the meetings. As for overnights, they will have to make other arrangments.

 

Youth Protection also covers Adults. You should not feel or be bullied.

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Thank you for all the advice. I was hoping I would feel better about the situation in the morning, but I don't. I've been leading most of these boys for such a long time and they are like a part of my family. I made the decision to stay a leader after a similar incident with this man at resident camp this summer because I was told one of my scouts would leave if I left. I stuck around because I think scouting can make such an important impact on the scout's lives. Now, if I leave I am worried that my son would suffer if we changed packs. He would have to make up what the other pack did this summer as well as Sept and Oct. I was hoping to make it through till cross-over peacefully.

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You were in a non-private session. Others saw what happened, yes? I would first approach one of them and inquire if they saw and experienced the situation the same way you did (they will). Could it be the way you approached Mr. Loud's comment? Probably not. Then , go to the CC and gain their support. If Mr. Loud takes umbrage again at one of your actions or comments, then approach him WITH COMPANY....

Compliment him on his interest in the program. His son is an important part of the Den. You hope he enjoys his time in Scouts as the other boys seem to. Did he earn his XYZ pin yet? We'll be doing that next time. Oh, and his comment last time was thought provoking and you're glad he brought it up. But he certainly understands why you had to bring the correct item to fore, yes? Can't let the boys see that the adults don't know the answers, huh? And you are certainly sorry if he thinks you embarrassed him on purpose, but we are all adults here, and you can certainly take a little criticism when it is warranted, can't we all? You're sure he didn't mean to come across so mean and argumentative in front of the boys..... And you could certainly use his help on the PDQ project next month. Can you count on him to handle this activity this way? Wonderful! Here's the details.... And Mr .Chair, here, would like to ask him about the Blue and Gold Banquet ....

 

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I agree with all of the above, except for JoeBob's suggestion that an appropriate response in this situation would include a dose of military-grade CS gas in the guy's face. Hopefully these situations can be resolved short of actual combat.

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Wow, I would not have looked away - at all. I would have looked him straight in the eye for his entire rant, than calmly, and clearly, stated - That was the most incredible demonstration of rudeness, not to mention unscoutlike behavior, that I have ever encountered. I believe you owe everyone here, especially me, an apology.

 

You need to talk to your Cubmaster & Committee Chair. That should have happened after the first incident with this man, it is a necessity now.

 

I suggest getting one of the parents who witnessed the incident to go with you.

 

Keep in mind that while it is encouraged that a parent attend camp with their Webelos, it is not required.

 

Good Luck!

 

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The first thing I would do is talk with another parent or two in your den who SAW what happened. Make sure your view of what happened is the same as theirs. Odds are they will have suggestions on how to deal with it too. I am hesitant to say wait it out as these types of situations always have side effects.

 

Please note ... as a den leader ... you have every right to say you are not comfortable with a specific scout or a specific parent. If they will not act with appropriate conduct, you can ask them to leave.

 

Peter

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