SM406 10 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 We have in an earlier post discussed the merits of having a pregnant unwed leader for a troop. We have some church friends that belong to a different troop than my family and their middle son a fifteen year old life scout has gotten a girl pregnant. As part of the church family, this family needs a lot of love and support from us. My question is how do we address the boy in the context of Scouting (Oath, etc.) or do we? He has not lived up to the Oath, obviously. Thanks for your input. SM406 Link to post Share on other sites
Bob White 20 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 What has the family or the scout asked you to address? Link to post Share on other sites
SM406 10 Posted November 25, 2003 Author Share Posted November 25, 2003 How does the boy go forward with Scouting as part of his life? What role can Scouting play? SM406 Link to post Share on other sites
Bob White 20 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Has the young man asked to continue? Has his family asked? If he is going to be a father perhaps he has more important responsibilities he should be attending to? What has the family or the scout asked of the troop? Has he asked to attend meetings? Has he asked to advance? Does he simply want to retain memebership while he takes time to make some decisions. What is he asking of you? Bob white Link to post Share on other sites
KoreaScouter 13 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Great questions from BW; I'll assume he wants to continue his membership. All the other Scouts in the Troop already know what happened -- we're kidding ourselves if we think they don't. They may not tell YOU they know what happened, but that's a different matter. What they're waiting to see is "what happens now". If the lad is a 15-year old Life Scout, he's at least an informal leader in the Troop, probably a formal leader. He set an incredibly bad example for the Scouts in the Troop, and figuratively, if not literally, tore from his Handbook the "Making the Most of Yourself" chapter. In my opinion, if he stays in the Troop, the matter must be addressed with his active involvement. To not do so amounts to tacit endorsement of his behavior -- two wrongs don't make a right, and this is a litmus test for them whether or not we're "walking the walk" or just "talking the talk" regarding Scout Spirit. How to address? More than one option, but any technique should, again in my opinion, communicate clearly the following points: 1. I made a huge mistake 2. I'm sorry for making it 3. Here's how it's changing the rest of my life 4. Don't make the same mistake I did Troop leadership is walking on eggshells no matter what. The Scout may be salvageable, but adult leaders have to be very careful doing anything that may appear to endorse his behavior. It's almost a no-win. This assumes, of course, that the lad is doing right by the girl. Just out of curiosity, what type of entity is your Chartered Organization? Good luck. KS Link to post Share on other sites
Eamonn 61 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I think that I understand where Bob White is coming from. Scouting is there to support young people and their families. However we only do so in the context of the program. Whatever the charter organization does is up to them. They may or may not want to solicit the help of the unit. Over the years I have had Scouts who have made bad choices. Some have got into drugs others have been caught shoplifting.I have been in court a few times as a character witness. I think a lot or at least some people in Scouting think that if we put a boy in a Scout uniform that he automatically is transformed into some kind of an Angel. As to how do we deal with a Lad who has made a mistake. My view is that we deal with him just as we would any other Scout who has made a bad choice. At the right time which might be the Scoutmaster conference. I might want to discuss taking responsibility for actions and being responsible. I would if asked by the family try to do what they ask. If they ask that nothing is to be done I would do just that. Eamonn Link to post Share on other sites
Eagledad 2777 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Hi All We had a 16-year-old Eagle in our Troop get his 19-year-old girl friend pregnant (sister of his best friend who is also an Eagle in our Troop. What did we do? Really nothing. Both families had to get use to the situation. I say it took about a year and just after the baby was born for everyone to open up about it. Everyone knew the situation, the wrong of the situation and the struggle for the families. The scout didn't show up as much because he had more responsibilities. He would talk about it if asked, but the answers were short. We let the families figure this one out because it was a shock. From the troop side, it was never glorified in anyway. There were one on one discussion between scouts and adults about the lesson learned, but nothing discussed with the troop as a whole. The scout and families were supported in their needs and respected for the struggle, but they kind of stayed away from bringing attention to their situation. They were clearly struggling with it and needed time to get ready. It started out as a dark time, but has developed into a happy story. That was four years ago, the scout and girl are still happily married. The scout is majoring in Engineering and the mother has one semester before she graduates. Her younger brother is about to get his Eagle at our COH next month. So what should the troop do? Kind of hard to say, but Id start by letting the scout and his family guide you through their struggle. Barry Link to post Share on other sites
OldGreyEagle 5 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I feel compelled to write this, if the Scout is the acknowledged father, then his advancement stops where it is, it would be hard to say he lives the Scout Oath and Law while an unwed father. We traveled over similar round with the Unwed mother. If there are no consequences then we imply its ok to get girls pregnant, it wont halt your advancement. I am not sure I would want him around meetings, the other kids will know, at least some and they will tell the others and if nothing changes, then again, we imply its ok to make babies while a scout. its a mess, and I dont want to abandon the boy, but I dont think making hin a cause celebere is wise either Link to post Share on other sites
eisely 13 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I never thought I would see OGE coming down so hard on an issue. This is a tough one. The boy probably needs scouting more than before and I would not kick him out. Nobody has suggested that. I would wait to see what the family asks the troop to do, if they ask at all. If the boy came up for a SM conference, I probably would introduce the subject into that dialogue. The troop does not want to appear to be condoning, nor is it appropriate to condemn. I would want to be suuportive. Link to post Share on other sites
OldGreyEagle 5 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Both soon to be parents knew what they were doing was wrong, and they went ahead and now they are "caught" with an innocent life in the mix. I said I dont want to abandon the boy, I also don't want this kid a role model hanging around the troop. He is going to need support, but lets not make him such a center of attention that other boys decide to get girls pregnant so they can enjoy the limelight and get all this attention. I am not sure the support this new family will need should come from the troop. Individuals can help where they wish, but it should not look like the troop is helping. (This message has been edited by OldGreyEagle) Link to post Share on other sites
evmori 11 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I'm with OGE on this one. If he is the father, then there is no way he is living the Scout Oath & Law in his everyday life. And he is definitly not the type of role model I would want other Scouts following. Ed Mori 1 Peter 4:10 Link to post Share on other sites
Eamonn 61 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 While most of the time I find myself in agreement with OGE. This time we are poles apart. I have to admit to not knowing what the legal age is when a person can get married. I also have mixed feelings as to if a unplanned parenthood is a reason to get married. I do feel that there is no way that it is up to me or us to set ourselves up as judge and jury. As an organization our mission is to help young people grow up and make ethical choices.If we look at the characteristics of boys of this age we have to see that they are going to experiment and try out all sorts of things. We would of course hope that, as parents and teachers that we would help steer and guide our young people through the pitfalls of growing up. We would set the example and be there for them when they need us and maybe as parents when they don't think that they need us. Sad to say some people make mistakes and bad choices. I would hope that we are here for all of our youth not just the "Good Kids." Eamonn Link to post Share on other sites
SR540Beaver 116 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 I'll agree that the boy has set a bad example. A really bad example! But this isn't smoking or drinking. Does anyone really believe that another boy would think that getting a girl pregnant out of wedlock is "cool" and want to imitate it? In 9 months they will here all the horror stories and see their buddy tied down and unable to be a kid and any luster the idea had will be gone quickly. When we were kids, we all knew the occasional boy or girl that got in this situation and how they seemed to drop off the face of the earth after the baby arrived. I'm not advocating for just looking the other way or ignoring the Oath and Law. I just don't think this is a behavior other boys will want to imitate. Sex, maybe....having a baby, NO. They are smart enough to begin to understand how that will affect them long term. Link to post Share on other sites
OldGreyEagle 5 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Eagledad, I respect your love and passion for Boy Scouts, having said that, I am going to use your post as an example, and most likely not the way you intended. Read Eagledads post about a situation that he knows of. The Parents are married and happy, going to college, ready to graduate, a rather jovial turn out. Teens reading this should know this is atypical. Its not nomrally like the idyllic setting Eagledad tell about. Yes, it does happen, but thats not the norm. And then we talk about what happens, when reality sets in in 8-7 months. Most of the scouts I know dont have a clue what they are doing in a month let alone six months from now. Lets see, the couple gets married, neither works so they go on welfare and get foodstamps. Gee, as a kid I see a boy and a girl sharing an apartment with no adults telling them what to do. They work assorted part time jobs and maybe have a party or two. Yeah, these two are really in a bad spot. By the time the bad times happen, the example has been set and how many other couples are in the same spot? Or they dont get married. The father gets upset with the mother, and grandmother to be, hwo dare they tell him what he has to do. He tells them to "stuff" it and leaves the relationship, legally tied, but not emotionally. Real good set up for the child. Yes, I know many unwed teen age parents. Why do they do what they do? Because after all "everybody does" well no they don't and if they do they are not going to be celebrated as overcomming an obstacle they placed in front of themsleves Link to post Share on other sites
Eagledad 2777 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 >>I am not sure I would want him around meetings,>And he is definitly not the type of role model I would want other Scouts following. Link to post Share on other sites
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