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KoreaScouter

OK, maybe it should be a "Committee Chairman's Minute"

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Hilarious, from Dave Barry, and so many apply to us, especially the last one!

 

KS_____________________________________________

 

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME FIFTY YEARS TO LEARN

by Dave Barry

 

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping

pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason

why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full

potential, that word would be "meetings."

 

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and

"mental illness."

 

4. People who want to share their religious views

with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

 

5. And when God, who created the entire universe

with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He

will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad

hairstyle.

 

6. You should not confuse your career with your

life.

 

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way

to take it too seriously.

 

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is

always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take

command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

 

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up

and dance.

 

10. Never lick a steak knife.

 

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

 

12. The most powerful force in the universe is

gossip.

 

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a

clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

 

14. You should never say anything to a woman that

even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can

see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

 

15. There comes a time when you should stop

expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. The

time is age eleven.

 

16. The one thing that unites all human beings,

regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic

background,is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above

average drivers.

 

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized

protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

 

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the

waiter, is not a nice person.

 

19. Your friends love you anyway.

 

Thought for the day:

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember that amateurs built the Ark.

Professionals built the Titanic.

 

 

 

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