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In a small town trial, the prosecuting attorney called an elderly woman to the stand and asked, "Ma'am, do you know me?"


She replied, "Yes, I do. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."


The lawyer was stunned, but asked his next question, "Do you know the defense attorney?"


"Why yes, I do. He has a drinking problem, his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state, and he cheated on his wife with five women, including your wife."


The judge ordered both lawyers to approach the bench, and quietly said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."



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Prof: I protest!! (In my best Foghorn Leghorn voice): I declare, sir, I say I do declare, that you have insulted Pond Scum, and I demand an apology on behalf of Pond Scum everywhere! Bucket, indeed!! Everyone knows the answer is A Bucket of Pond Scum is more entertaining.





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These are getting better and better! :)

Have you heard this one?

(short version) At the entrance to heaven there is a long line waiting to get permission from St.Peter to enter.

A Pope walks past the line and demands to be admitted. Peter tells him he must wait his turn. The Pope heads to the back of the line muttering.

Another gentleman passes all the people waiting. He is immediately ushered in by St. Peter.

The Pope goes back to the gates and asks why an ordinary man was given special treatment, allowed to pass all the other people, even a pope  and allowed in.

St. Peter answers we have many popes in here but that was the first lawyer to make it in. :)


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