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Trevorum

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This follow-up to VP Cheneys hunting accident...

 

"The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department (TPWD)issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail, over the weekend.

 

A TPWD spokesman noted that in Texas, lawyers are not considered game creatures, but are listed as vermin, and are thus NOT subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits.

 

However, it was further noted that lawyer hunting was strongly encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures.

 

A local food critic said that, contrary to popular rumor most lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine excrement which is a major component of their basic composition. "

 

 

(of course, my apologies to NJCubScouter, Lisabob and others!)

 

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No need to apologize to me Trev, even in very small font. I'm not a lawyer and I don't play one on tv either.

 

(I do teach political science but my degree isn't a law degree, it is a political science degree)

 

Lisa'bob

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Here's how the law reads in Alabama:

 

370.01 - Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license my also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

 

370.02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

 

370.03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

 

370.04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a powerboat, helicopter or aircraft.

 

370.05 - It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

 

370.06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

 

370.07 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

 

370.08 - If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or posses the same.

 

370.09 - It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

 

370.10 - Bag and Possession Limits per day: Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2; Two-faced tortteasors, 1; Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3; Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2; Minutiae-advocating dirtbags,

4. Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

 

ARS8007.21 - It is illegal to take attorneys with a moving vehicle unless there are no measurable skid marks at the kill site.

 

Any more?

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While I admit a certain unfamiliarity with hunting laws of Texas or Alabama, I am certain that your statements are ridiculous.

 

The legislators of those states are 99.9% lawyers. ;)

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Hmmm, ok, tasteless joke time...

 

I read that after the Cheney hunting incident where he accidentally shot the lawyer, his approval rating went up to 92%.

 

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a bad politician?

 

Chelsea.

 

 

An old one... why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

 

 

 

 

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On behalf of lawyers everywhere, I offer this one:

 

To create publicity for their soon-to-be-announced merger, the CEOs of two Fortune 500 Companies, George and Lenny, decided to cross North America in a hot air balloon. Of course, neither man was a particularly experienced balloonist, and, predictably, within a few hours after taking off, they realized that they were hopelessly lost. George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so that we can figure out where we are."

 

Lenny let some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but the men still couldn't figure out where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. Lenny lowered the balloon further, so George could ask the man their location.

 

When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey mister, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "Sure. You're in a hot air balloon, about 100 feet up off the ground."

 

George, exasperated, called back down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." The man, astonished, shouted back, "How did you know that?" Without missing a beat, Lenny replied "Because the information that you gave us, while 100% accurate, is totally useless to us in our current situation."

 

The lawyer on the ground thought about this a while, and then called up to the men in the balloon, "Well then, you two must be corporate executives." Lenny, dumbfounded, yelled back, "How could you have possibly known that?"

 

"Well," the lawyer replied, "you have no idea where you are or in which direction you are headed. You got into this mess on account of your failure to plan before deciding to act, and now you expect me to provide an instant remedy. Having sought and received my counsel, you are in no worse a position than you were in before we me met, yet somehow now everything is my fault."

 

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SO the CEO of this Fortune 100 Company needed a new CFO, He was down to the last two candidates. At the final interview the first was an Eagle scout recently graduated from Business School. The CEO asked him what is 2 plus 2, The applicant blinked once and said 4. At this the CEO excused the applicant

 

The next (and last) candidate walks in the room, the CEO asks this candidate what 2 plus 2 was, the candidate softly whipsers, "WHat do you need it to be?"

 

 

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A 35 yr old lawyer has a heart attack and dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates of Heaven he tells St. Peter that there must be some mistake, he is too young to die, he is only 35.

 

St. Peter replies "Really, according to your Billible Hours, your 85!"

 

SoDakScouter, JD '88

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