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Ohanadad

The leaders kid

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I've seen this in two different packs. The son of the CM/DL is the worst behaved kid. I think it's because no one corrects his behavior because they don't want to offend the CM/DL so the kid feels entitled to cause trouble. The worse thing is that the other scouts start to follow is behavior so meeting are total chaos. I talked to another parent and they felt it wasn't their place to give unasked for parenting advise. Another said that in a similar situation, the leader got upset and quit leaving them without a CM. Anyone else see this? Any advise?

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This may not be the case in every situation, but I think we need to be aware that at least part of the problem is usually that the leaders do not get to focus on or correct their children in the same way other, less-involved parents do. Also, that these kids are generally tagging along for longer to events..set-up and take-down and planning meetings.

 

So, constructively pulling the kid who is misbehaving aside and giving him something productive to do or some attention may be all that is needed.

 

I'll give you an example..I have two boys in Cub Scouts, my youngest is now a Wolf and oldest a Webelos. We are having a summer swim event, and I'm the chair of the event. Am working out the Safe Swim details, and it what it boils down to is that I won't be able to pay as much attention to my younger Scout as I would like (he is not a strong swimmer), and that they will likely have to be there early while I am getting everyone checked in, and will get restless. Without my husband there to be one-on-one with my non-swimmer, I couldn't make it work.

 

Similar things happen at other events..at campouts, I'm my older son's den leader, which means my younger son does not get the same time/attention that he often needs.

 

It's why I hesitate to volunteer for certain events, if I know I'm going to end up shortchanging my own kids.

 

When I see our Cubmaster's son acting up a bit, and the Cubmaster is engaged with the whole Pack, I try to pull him aside and help by getting him to interact with my kids or just re-directing.

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I am the Cubmaster of our Pack, we have a code of conduct each boy signs at the start of each year (one for parents too, sadly) and every single boy is held to teh code of conduct by ANY of the leaders at any scouting function.

 

I am the opposite of your examples, if my kid does something wrong and you see it (scouts or not) call him on it or tell me, I want to raise a good person not a thug! other people's children, I either point out the childs behaviour to the parent if they are oblivious to it, or if they are engaged in something I do exactly like Jtex1234 does.

 

Adam

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Some of us volunteer to lead BECAUSE our kid is one of the behavioral problems. We feel guilty dumping them on others, so we are the ones to step up and try to keep some control.

 

Mind you, I also am quick to nail my kid to the wall (OK - tie him to the tree using the right knots). But I do have a loud one who is hard to keep under control for a variety of reasons, and I am a leader as well.

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The leader may simply be too busy to notice that his son is being a knucklehead. It happens. At events where the dads are off with their boys, I've often had to run around handling details leaving my son to fend for himself. So sometimes the behavior is not noticed.

 

Is the boy's behavior really far out of line compared to other kids? Leaders' kids are under a microscope. I've explained this to my son--people hold the leader's kid to a higher standard. Any crummy behavior on his part is going to be magnified, it's just the way it is.

 

In the first case, maybe you can help by paying attention the leader's kid when he cannot.

 

In the second, you'll have to decide if you should say something. I always told the parents they were free to discipline my son--and they did!

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My son is a handful, as well. He's a sweet kid but he has a never-ending supply of energy, and if he gets bored, he creates his own fun. I try to keep an eye on him and make sure that he is constructively occupied, but he can occasionally get too wound up and I am always busy at the meetings because of my role. I have absolutely no problem with one of the other parents or leaders addressing problem behavior, and I would do the same if one of their children was getting out of line.

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Are you sure the leader even notices? I know our son can get into his spoiled or bad boy act and my husband is the den leader. If I wasn't there I don't think he would even notice the little things my son does that may not be quite right. He is too busy trying to lead as a whole rather than pay attention to one child. Luckily I am there to correct our son, but if i wasn't it would probably be the same situation.

 

But most of our parents are and do correct/guide the children to the right behaviors. Of course our parents consist of police officers, child social worker, teacher, full time mom etc :)

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I have seen the CM/SM's kid in several units either be an excellent example (first to show up last to leave) of a Scout or the Scout is ALWAYS involved in whatever behavior problem going on. Often the Scout should have been booted long ago but because his parent is the CM/SM it gets swept under the rug.

 

Phrases like "boys will be boys" or "we handle things when they happen, so we don't need to let the Committee know", or "we don't keep track of the issues like this" even though any other Scout would have been long gone..

 

Sometimes the leader is so free with his time and works well with with other Scouts/Parents he continues in position regardless of the child's behavior.

 

Sometimes the leadership has been so consolidated in the leaders family, no change appears possible to impose. That's why those units either no longer recruit or loose Scouts/Leaders in mass.

They become a one-person show.

 

(This message has been edited by dg98adams)

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I have seen this a lot especially with my kids! The trick is to assign another adult to police your own child or at least remove them so they are not a distraction. My kids know I am much less likely to yell at them in front of the others and used to push the limits. They are not so sure of how far to push another adult.

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I'm the Cubmaster, and yes, my Son acts up, always yelling "hey Dad" etc when I'm trying to run a Pack meeting. He's a good kid, but to him, I'm Dad, doesn't matter I have the CM hat on. So I've told the Den leaders to feel free to call him on it, and they do :')

 

And I agree, he does get "stuck" coming early and staying late to every event, but he doesn't realize the perks he gets either, a lot more camping which he enjoys, gets to pick the menus he likes etc.

 

So, he's no worse than many other kids, just more obvious when he interupts me

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There often many reasons why a leader's son is the one acting up.

 

Especially in the younger group, one of the main reasons is to attract his parent's attention. Kids want their parent to volunteer to be a leader because they think it will be something they can do "together". They are to young to realize that a leader must give their attention to all of the kids (and adults too).

 

As others have mentioned, because a leader is spending his time leading the whole group, chasing down his own kid(s), is often on a back burner.

 

Many times the behavior of the "leader's kid" is not significantly worse than any of the others. It is just that he is held to a higher standard.

 

As the saying goes - it takes a village.

 

Do everyone a favor, if you (parent or leader) see a child (Scout or sibling) acting up at a meeting, do something about it. Corral the child, talk to him quietly about his behavior, redirect him, give him a task. Doing nothing only encourages the child to continue.

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My dad was an ASM when I was in Scouts as a kid. Without question I was held to a higher standard.

I am now an SM and my son is a scout, he too is held to a higher standard.

I think we are both better off for it.(This message has been edited by Eagle732)

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ScoutNut hit it on the head. A lot of times, it's the kid seeking attention, and the parent is simply overwhelmed with the packwide responsibilities. Consider offering gentle help - "Hey, Jim, do you want me to work with Jim Jr. and Ohanadad Jr. on this project while you go do X, Y and Z?"

 

As a DL/CC kid, I got dragged along to everything. I was early and late to den meetings, pack meetings, committee meetings, troop meetings. Luckily I could just bring a book, find a corner and ignore them, but I still ended up with quite a Scouting education through osmosis. (When still a Cub, I knew who our DE was and roughly what he did.)

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I'm a CM, and I have a son with some behavioral issues, including Asperger's and ADHD. He behaves better when I'm not around, which is part of the reason I'm CM instead of DL.

 

I have done my best to arm the Den Leaders (All of them, not just my son's) with information they need to know on how to address any issues that arise, and also have encouraged them to never hesitate to call him out, and treat him just like their own son when it comes to making him mind the rules. I might be in another room and not catch it personally, but I'm all in favor if it getting caught by someone. There have been more than a few times where I ended up in my son's Den Meeting dragging him out to the truck, taking him home to mom, and then driving back to help close up the church.

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