I have THAT kid in my group too! Help!

[K1986 19]

I am celebrating five years as a cub scout leader this year, my oldest crosses to Boy Scouts next Monday I love the program and look forward to my current Bear child moving up to Webelos with me soon. This is my issue; I have a current Webelos 1 scout who is driving me INSANE! Like I said, it's been five years I've seen a lot of kids come and go, if anyone follows my other posts and comments I've seen what you all have seen, difficult scouts and crazy parents, *lol* I think it comes with the program.

But the scout in question crossed over with us last June, he started out okay, he just talked A LOT and I had problems with him interrupting me but without even having to speak with him individually we worked out group rules that helped solve the problem. Building up since about October issue now is that he is just plain getting mean and rude to me and other scouts. From activity pin work to group games to flag ceremonies and most recently Pinewood Derby, if he is not winning or getting his way he is calling people cheaters to their face, yelling at them, yelling at me, telling me "You don't care about me, you only care about your kid."

He refuses to eat anything that is served to him at camp or any other occasion. This past weekend at Pinewood the boy scout troop that sponsored the event served lunch for FREE (well by donation only) and the scout came up to me and goes, "I hope you know I'm not going to eat that, you know I don't like hot dogs but you let them make them anyway. I made my mom go get McDonalds, and you can't tell her that she cant bring it in here." He was right, I don't care what his mother brings to Pinewood, it was an open lunch hour break for families to use however. But I didn't need his rudeness AND it is NOT okay for his dad to leave camp go to McDonalds and bring it back for him to eat in front of the other boys.

I don't dare talk to the parents because he gets this from them, they drive me up the wall too! I am at whits end, I don't even look forward to meetings anymore, today I am trying to plan activities around what he won't get upset about because I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT ANYMORE!

 

What do I do?

[CubsRgr8 10]

K1986, you are under no obligation to put up with this BS from either the scout or his parents AND it's not your job to fix it. I suggest you explain the situation to both the CC and the COR privately in person today. Provide them with specific examples that can be collaborated by other adults. Then the CC should ask the family to meet with the three of you privately where the CC lays out the problem and informs them that it stops today, or their son is no longer a member of the Pack. If the parents put up a fuss, then the CC hands them a previously filled in transfer form and wishes them well in their search for another unit.

[momof2cubs 10]

One time, in a similar situation, I heard a scouter said: "Up with this BS, I will not put!"-he did not use the letters either He was German, and when you heard it with the accent, it was really funny.

 

Point of this story, the scouter has a point. We are volunteers. We do NOT have to put up with rudeness and sassyness from a CHILD. If his parents won't cooperate with you after you talk to them, I would have a conversation with the CC and the CM and let them know that this must stop.

[JoeBob 606]

Had one. Same parents, too. After being nice didn't work, I resorted to publicly embarrasing them:

 

""Mister, I hope there's not onions on my sandwich because I can't eat onions!"

"You certainly have my persmission to take off any onions that might be on your sandwich."

 

"Mister, how far is it now?"

"28.6352 miles."

 

"Mister, how long until we get there?"

"48 hours, 92 minutes, and 123 seconds. And my name is Mr. JoeBob."

 

"Can you stop the bus and let us off in front of our house? We're gonna drive right by it."

"Yes; but your luggage will be at the school with everyone elses."

 

It took a while, but eventually the sarcasm began to sink in. Make 'em pay a price for being rude.

[qwazse 4344]

"I'm under no obligation whatsoever to countenance violators of the 5th point of th scout law."

 

Usually this kind of behavior doesn't manifest itself until about 13. Does this kid have an older sibling.

 

For the older boys, my line is "At what point did your pubescent angst become any concern of mine?"

[Basementdweller 608]

At 10 probably too late for this young man......

 

 

At 3 or 4 a swat on the bottom would have limited your problems now.....

 

 

Mom and Dad are the problem....Not you....

 

 

So, I would have a private discussion with mom and dad regarding the issue. Then a discussion with the Family.

 

 

Remember in two years this young man will be in the troop and pulling this stunt on troop outings and campouts.

[kari_cardi 10]

Have you tried laying it all out for him? 'These are my expectations of your behavior, these are the things we will be able to do if everyone cooperates and works together, our goal is to have fun and be good scouts and if you don't have the same goal, then you are welcome to sit to the side and watch.'

[Stosh 3452]

I've had a few boys like that over the years and JoeBob has the right idea. These boys are doing this because this is how they learned from their parents to get their way.

 

If the boy doesn't like what's being served, they have two options. 1) PBJ in the chuck box or 2) check at the other troops to see if they have anything better.

 

I had a great SM friend of mine figure this out quickly when my boy showed up at his troop and actually asked. The SM asked what it was we were serving. When the boy told him, he jumped up, grabbed his mess kit and told the boy he could have what he would have had that he's going down to my troop because it sounded better. He came down, had a great meal/chat together and the boy never again pulled that stunt.

 

When boys like this don't get the usual response, it confuses them and they don't know how to handle getting their bluff called. The last thing one does in a situation like this is what the boy would naturally expect.

 

How long before we get there?

I don't know, I think we're lost. It may take be a while.

 

Johnny took my hat.

Bummer, when we get back we'll have to call the police, but I don't think they're going to want to drive all the way out here just because of a hat.

 

I don't like the onions in the stew.

I don't like the celery, so why don't you sit next to me and I'll spit the celery into the fire and you can do the onions.

 

I didn't bring my mess kit.

Not a problem after everyone gets served up, you can eat out of the serving pot.

 

My tent leaked last night.

So did mine, I bet we're the only two that have in-door pools. You'd pay extra at a hotel for that.

 

I get stuck with cleaning the dutch oven all the time.

Must mean you are doing the best job. And even if you aren't doing a good job, just imagine how bad it would be if someone else did it.

 

I'm homesick.

I'm sick of home, too, that's why I'm here.

 

If one does this often enough they quit complaining or they keep complaining just to see how quick you are on your feet with a comeback.

 

The caveat with this approach is that there are some boys out there pushing buttons and others that are sincerely struggling and need special help. One needs to be sensitive to which one is which.

 

Stosh

[SSScout 1615]

I make the following predictions:

1) The boy is an only child, no siblings.

2) the family is well off financially.

3) If this is not corrected now, the boy will not move on to BoyS, or if he does manage the enistment, the other boys will do the corrective action or he won't be in for long.

 

I like the responses from Joebob and Base and Blake.

As a sub teacher, I have similar problems with a few kids, each time. Since I do not have the luxury of communicating with the parents to inform them of their cherub's socially unacceptable behavior, I usually make it personal. I sometimes have to go right up to the miscreant (surprise!) and 12" away from their face TELL them of my expectations. Surprise! I mean what I say. "One more word out of anyone, and they are out in the hall and we WILL talk" "I'm sorry..." "THAT"S THE WORD! OUT!" presto, no more problems with the rest of the class.

 

So, in "class", (Den meeting, campout, etc.) You are "in loco parentis". Take the boy aside and out of the group, tell him how things will be, that his parents will be spoken to next. Don't like hotdogs? Well, you won't starve. Then you speak to the parents about how disruptive it is to have someone "cater" to such a behavior. Food allergy? Understood. Picky eater? ummmm. Will you accompany your boy to college? Into the service? On to his job?

I went to a Maine summer camp with my cousin. My folks thought I was a picky eater at nine years old, but I was truly afraid Rich was going to starve. After a week, he began to try other stuff, and after the third week, he was eating peas and burgers with the rest of us. He never did come to like oatmeal, even with maple syrup, and at the camp in Maine, it was REAL maple syrup.

Someone has to have a sit down with the folks and remind them they are PARENTS not BUTLERS (I think that was my dad's comment, but I may have heard it elsewhere).

[Lisabob 13]

"they are PARENTS not BUTLERS (I think that was my dad's comment, but I may have heard it elsewhere)."

 

Oh, I am so stealing this!

 

 

 

[CCbytrickery 10]

You need to sit down with your CC and lay out the problem.

Then you both need to sit down with the parents and the Scout, and explain the way of the world to them. If they don't like it, or give you grief, then they can move to another pack. We had 2 boys in our pack (1 Webs1, and 1 Tiger) who couldn't behave if their lives depended on it, and the parents were bad bad bad. They changed packs when the dad didn't get a DL position (and I told them why he wasn't getting the position--if he couldn't control his 2 scouts, how can he control 14?)

 

My husband is the wolf DL for our pack, and he has had several of "those boys". He tells all his parents at the beginning of the year that he expects a certain level of behavior and respect from his boys, and if they choose to not rise to that level, then the den is choosing to not do the "fun things". He has sat boys down for a small amount of time, until they were able to control themselves and be able to rejoin the den in their activity (most of the time, the parents just sit there and ignore the behavior, so he takes control...we do have some parents that handle their boys, and that's fine too--as long as everyone is consistent, life becomes easier!)

 

He had a problem with one boy, regarding bullying tendancies and disrespect, and he sat the boy down with his mom and told him that behavior wasn't going to fly--change it or be gone. Boy has improved, not quite there yet, but is trying his best. He's at a point where he has to sit down with a parent and the CM, not about the scout, but about the sibling--who is a pita 2 year old and the mom doesn't try to control him at all. But disrepecting? yelling? That doesn't fly in this den at all. Or the pack for that matter. Our CM has been seen taking scouts down a peg or two for being rude to parents.

 

 

Oh, and our campouts? we make a meal and you can eat part or all of it...but we don't cater to picky eaters. My son isn't a big chili fan, so he ate just plain spaghetti the night we made cinninati chili..and when we have eggs and sausage for breakfast, he skips the sausage. Only time we allow different food is if it is medically required or religious exemption. And those parents have to come up with a way to cook it, because they can't bring their own equipment or use ours (due to cross contamination).

 

 

 

 

[mdlscouting 10]

Just curious, why would you not allow them to bring their own equipment?

[jlvickers 10]

We have had a couple of scouts that were like that. Our leadership has no problem sitting a scout down with their parent and explaining how things work in our pack. Usually it does the trick. The very first meeting we have with our dens every year deals with respect, and what we expect from our scouts. I realize that boys will be boys at times, however, that is not an excuse for poor behavior on a continued basis. I might be biased though, I think the fact that several of our leaders ride motorcycles, have beards, and wear mohawks sometimes leads the scouts to listen a little more. On a side note, the kids(and parents) love earning their hawks for their first campout.