How many chances do you give a boy before he is asked to leave?

[scouter-mom 10]

I think that Evmori and Watercub are right on the money.

 

My real life job is in special education at the elementery (school) level. Youth with different perspectives, different neurological wiring,and problems still have to learn to moderate their behavior (as perceived by others)and know that there are consequences for inappropriate actions and behaviors. I would think that kicking him out would be the absolute last resort. As others have suggested, if needed, I would find another unit for him, and help him see that the transfer is a positive move. But first, see what help is out there.

 

One has to be cautious of not breaking confidentiality policies, but if the public school this youth attends has him in an IEP (individual education plan), they might see that his social growth and/or needs would be improved by his growth in scouting. The school might be a resource in helping to find a volunteer 'one on one' adult for him in scouting. It'd be worth a try. I agree that being a DL and helping this young guy is a very difficult mix.

 

If needed, I do think it is appropriate to have the parent stay (unless the child is worse with the parent there). Perhaps there is a volunteer within the district that could help 'one on one' with that youth while at den meetings and activities. Have you talked to your Unit Commissioner or District Commissioner? They can be a great resource!

 

Lastly, as long as this youth does not consistently create a situation that is not safe (for himself as well as others), I think that kicking him out would be devastating to him. There's a teachable moment with the youth and all the adults, scouters and parents (not registered as scouters) as well.

This is a world of diversity and everyone can be a part of a peaceble solution and understanding. This is a great place to start that education and understanding (even if that's not what you signed on to do....).

 

[cubscoutsbutzbach 10]

Excellent suggestions from all especially ScoutNut and ScoutMomAng. I am the mother and Den Leader for my 7-year-old ADHD son. I personally chose to go thru the ranks WITH my son. I know him better than anyone and can tell right away when he's "fading" (losing interest in an activity or getting restless-this is when most of his problems occur). It's at that point I can pull him back into the activity, give a short break or change the activity.

 

PLEASE KNOW that it is an EXTREMELY STRESSFUL AND TIREING job being the parent of an ADHD child. This woman needs to know that you are willing to help her, but that co-operation is a two-way street and BOTH she and the Pack need to work together to help her son. I think you should sit the mother and son down with all of the leaders and put the expectations and consequences out there. Let them know the truth about the loss of Cubs(no names mentioned) and that this kind of behavior WILL NOT be tolerated any longer.

 

A couple of suggestions that work for me with my son:

Give "warnings" before changing activities. (Ex: "Okay, Cubs we're going to start *insert activity* in 10 mins..." "We're going to start...5 mins." "2 mins to...") Easing into change can be very helpful with ADHD children.

 

Get a good balance of "active" and "quiet" activities. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit HYPERACTIVE Disorder. How many times have you sat thru a multiple-hour meeting or lecture and thought,"Lord, will this person ever be done?!?" This is the constant thought with an ADHD child.

 

Have him help lead the activities. If he's loud and likes to shout, then let him lead the cheer, pass out supplies or lead the pack/ den in reciting the Pledge or Cub Scout Promise. Turn his negatives into positives.

 

His Mom is a single mother. Find out if there is a local Big Brothers (mentoring) program in your city or town. He might benefit from having a "big brother" TELL him and SHOW him how a young man is supposed to behave.

 

If all else fails and you still can not come to a compromise or his behavior does not change/gets worse, then I suggest you either speak to the DL and tell him that you are going to handle the problem or contact your Council and Charter to help you resolve the situation.

 

Good Luck.

Yours In Scouting,

Sue