Parents

[sctmom 11]

In a few other threads there have been mention of parents who feel their boys aren't ready for certain adventures like summer camping and backpacking.

 

Do many of you run into this? How do you deal with it?

 

Chippewa mentioned that the parents don't think the boys are ready to backpack, even though the boys have been in scouting a couple of years, have camped a lot and done day hikes. Also, most importantly, the boys WANT to go backpacking. As a parent, I'm amazed. My son is almost 11 years old and weighs 60 pounds fully dressed. If he wanted to backpack, I'd say "Great! Let's get your gear." There is only one way to find out if he can do it, that is to DO IT!

 

Chippewa, I would like to suggest you continue to talk this up to the boys and parents. Show the parents the planning that goes into backpacking. Show them how risks are planned for. How great are the risks when and where you are going? Are you going during blizzard season? Are you climbing Mt. Everest? I doubt it. What's the worse that can happen? Are they just worried about the boys ability to carry the packs? I think the boys know their strength better than anyone, and will be the first too tell you if something is too heavy. I have never backpacked, but from what I hear it is a great oppurtunity for the boys to push themselves, not just physically but also emotionally.

 

[AdvanceOn 10]

WE get these kinds of comments all the time, but mostly for the kids ability to do leadership and responsibiltiy kinds of things.

 

I've heard from more parents the comment of "You expect an 11 or 12 year old to be able to remember that? One parent had a conniption because no one told HER that her son had to be at an orienteering merit badge outing!? Of course, as long as she feels that everything has to be told to her personally her son is never going to remember. He knows mom will take care of it.(IMHO)

 

As sctmom says, just keep at it. Some parents will never feel their son is capable, others will have their eyes opened.

[evmori 11]

I haven't run into this problem yet. We include all the Scouts in the Troop for every outing.

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[sctmom 11]

One other thing, a year ago I had doubts about my son being ready for Boy Scouts and summer camp by now. I never told him that. He really proved me wrong! He has been growing a lot -- physically, mentally and emotionally.

 

The only time I would stop him from trying something new would be if I felt it was truly unsafe. Like I want let him have a mini-bike (mean mother that I am). I could have gotten away with putting him on the 9-10 baseball team this season, his birthday is near the cutoff and he is small. I didn't do that -- for one thing I would be lieing about his age. But also, I know he is more mature than the 9 year olds, not that he's a great ball player. He can make decisions on the field quicker, he can learn baseball skills easier, he is starting to understand the finer points of the game. I was concerned about him being the youngest and smallest on his team. That concern went away after the second practice. He is living up to the challenges put to him at this age level. He would be bored with the 9 & 10 year olds.

 

[Mike Long 10]

I used to run into this all the time.

 

I now tell all new parents to the troop that we are here to teach your son that he can do anything with proper planning and training. If you think your son can't do something be prepared to be proven wrong because we will do just that.

 

I tell the parents the planning and training that goes into a trip and the quality of adult AND senior scout leadership. I then let them speak to my most vocal supporters, the parents that used to say "My son can't do that" and their sons that did. Usually that will convince most. Lots of times on a trip we will hike a five mile or so nature trail. The most common thing I hear is "Oh, he couldn't walk a mile!" So I simply ask the parent "Why not? He did five miles last campout?" It is very hard to argue with us at that point.

 

But the biggest thing is the scout himself AFTER he misses a campout because of Mom and Dads hang ups and he gets to hear of all the fun the other guys had. Especially beacuse all scouts get the same training at the meetings. It's not cool to be left out of an activity when you have the same level of training as the guys who got to go. I'll bet that's real fun to listen to around the dinner table.

 

I view the "He can't" statements as damaging to the child. Those words indicate a lack of faith in the childs ability to learn and overcome. The most dangerous is that the child might actually start to believe they can't. That line of reasoning is really the parents saying "I the parent can't/won't do that activity" and because I can't/won't I won't let him try. I personaly don't care if the parent can, can't or won't. I'm here to show kids they CAN. Last I heard parents were supposed to support their kids and that includes helping them to do things you aren't sure they can do.

 

Instead of "He/She can't do that" we should be saying "That looks like fun but it might be tough. What can we do to get ready for it?"

[Mike Long 10]

Addendum:

Be sure to show the parents the guide to safe scouting and tell them we have rules to cover how we do what we do. If it is unsafe the GTSS covers it and tell us it is not allowed.

[SagerScout 10]

Our Quartermaster (12) was assigned the buying food duty for an upcoming event. His mother said "OK, I can do that." I told her that it wasn't HER job, it was HIS job. She had trouble grasping that her 12-year old could in fact shop for groceries. I'm hoping she lets him at least put them in the cart.

 

Julia

[Mike Long 10]

How we get around the parents doing food shopping for boys thing is that on a meeting night the patrols get their menus approved then the patrols collect the cash from those going and representatives of each patrol are sent to the store on that night with adequate adult supervision to shop. Before they check out the adults check for contraband and ask the all important question "Are you sure you got everything on your list? Did you double check?"

[sctmom 11]

I saw one new parent have a hard time with giving her son the cash for him to give to the patrol leader. She thought she should give the cash to the Scoutmaster. She was a little surprised when I explained otherwise.

 

When I was about 12 or 13, my parents decided to give me the money they spent on my clothes. I could buy whatever I wanted, within certain guidelines. Wanted expensive designer jeans? Go right ahead. But if I complained about only having one pair of jeans when I could have bought 2 or 3 pair by waiting for a sale or buying a different brand, they had no pity. I could even spend the money on magazines and records (the old days), but don't complain if I had no new clothes. Didn't take me long to learn to check for quality and sale signs.

 

[Bob White 20]

We work extremely close with the New Scout Patrols on how to develp menus, shopping lists, and equipmwnt lists. They take turns shopping for the Patrol and the parents are instructed to help them find only what is on the list.

 

By the time the end of the first year they are on their own. If they forget something or have a bad menu, it becomes a topic of review when they evaluate the outing. Then we begin the planning for the next outing while their mistakes are fresh in their mind so that they start by making sure they don't repeat their mistakes.

 

Our only problem is that without fail the New Scout moms always send a bunch of extra food at the last minute usually cookies and sweets and stuff. It only takes us handing it back to them once and reminding them that the boys can only bring what they planned. The problem doesn't repeat itself.

 

Bob