Homesickness

[Mr.Mal 10]

With Summer Capm rapidly approaching, many of us have Scouts in our troops that this will be the first long term time away from Mom and Dad.

 

Here is something that I am working on for my troop.

 

Tell me what you think of it:

 

Homesickness - Expert Advice for Parents

 

 

 

This summer, thousands of young Scouts will get their first taste of independence at a summer Scout camp. For many, it will also be their first experience with homesickness. But parents don't have to feel helpless when homesickness strikes. The prescription for camper homesickness is a simple solution of preparation and patience. The following tips for parents will equip them to help their son deal with homesickness at camp:

 

 

 

1 - Encourage your son's independence throughout the year. Practice separations, such as sleepovers at a friend's house, or overnight camping with the troop, can simulate the camp environment.

 

2 - Discuss what camp will be like before your son leaves. Consider role-playing anticipated situations, such as using a flashlight to find the bathroom.

 

3 - Reach an agreement ahead of time on calling each other. If your son's summer camp has a no-phone-calls policy, honor it.

 

4 - Send a note or care package ahead of time to arrive the. first day of camp.

 

5 - Acknowledge, in a positive way, that you will miss your son. For example, you can say "I am going to miss you, but I know that you will have a good time at camp." Don't bribe. Linking a successful stay at camp to a material object sends the wrong message. The reward should be your son's new found confidence and independence.

 

6 - Pack a personal item from home, such as a small stuffed animal.

 

7 - When a "rescue call" comes from the son, offer calm reassurance and put the time frame into perspective. Avoid the temptation to take the son home early. Talk candidly with the Scoutmaster to obtain his/her perspective on your son's adjustment.

 

8 - Don't feel guilty about encouraging your son to stay at camp. For many summer, camp is a first step toward independence and plays an important role in their growth and development.

 

9 - Trust your instincts. While most incidents of homesickness will pass in a day or two, Thurber's research shows that approximately seven percent of the cases are severe. If your son is not eating or sleeping because of anxiety or depression, it is time to go home. However, don't make your son feel like a failure if their stay at summer camp is cut short. Focus on the positive and encourage your son to try summer camp again next year.(This message has been edited by Mr.Mal)

[GernBlansten 10]

I found myself at a loss on how do deal with a homesick scout last summer and want to be better prepared this year.

 

Do you think it would be helpful to have a few letters from parents to whip out at the first sign of homesickness? Does mail from home help or hurt the situation?

 

I'm really at a loss here, as a child, I was just stoked to get away from my parents that my depression started when we started packing for home.

[scoutldr 726]

Mail from home is great...if you're the recipient. It was heartbreaking last summer to watch one scout get 4-5 letters/cards/packages a day from various family members (including the dog!), while the others just looked on forlornly.

[MaScout 10]

I think a small item from home might be okay, but HOO-

BOY! I would NOT recommend a stuffed animal. The other boys WILL ridicule him if they find out about having a stuffed animal. You may think they won't/don't...but they will. On the lines of still being a baby... I know, all "our" Scouts are kinder than this...NOT!

 

Mail from home -- our first year scouts like it, but the older ones prefer to NOT receive mail...it singles them out & embarrasses them. Depending on what the parents write, they can be good or not so good...if they are supportive of the decision to be in camp, pumped up & excited, and not detailing all the fun the ones at home are having -- those are good.

 

There are some more ideas in another thread -- about a month & a half ago or more??

[gwd-scouter 11]

Homesickness is an interesting topic. I never really thought my sons ever were homesick when they went on school/scout trips. Last night, I said goodbye to my younger son as he boarded the bus for his school trip to Williamsburg. Older son was with me and as we drove home, he talked about his first long trip away from home - 1st year at summer camp.

 

He said he didn't remember very much about it, but did remember wandering around the parking lot on Wednesday afternoon waiting for us to arrive for family night. We were a little late getting there and he said he was starting to panic that we might not show up.

 

Of course, it's been eight years since his first summer camp and this is the first I've heard of him being a bit homesick.

 

Younger son, who has been on school trips several times, went to a week of space camp on his own last year, and will be attending summer camp for his third year this summer - well, he just called this morning from Virginia to say they had arrived and was just wondering what I was doing.

 

A bit homesick himself?

 

Mr. Mal. I like the advice list you posted. We have four scouts who will be going to summer camp for the first time this year. A couple of them have only been away from home once before (that was on our recent Council Exporee campout). Boys were fine, parents were nervous.

(This message has been edited by gwd-scouter)

[scoutldr 726]

I dread parents' night. We had a scout whose parents were very unreliable. Starting about 3 pm, he started watching for them. Other parents started arriving...dinner got underway...went to campfire...still no mom and dad. They just "forgot". He was devastated and cried himself to sleep. It was really pitiful.

 

Last summer, they moved "family night" to Friday...needless to say, most of the scouts went home that night...after all, the MB work was done, and they missed their Playstations. If the parents wanted to take them home to avoid coming back 75 miles the next morning, who am I to object?

 

One of the best decisions was to remove the pay phone from the trading post, where the boys lined up to call home collect every evening. Of course, they all have cell phones now, so it's a moot point.

[campcrafter 10]

One resource for info on this you all might check out is the Amercian Camping Association's web site for camp parents and in particular

 

http://www.campparents.org/homesickness.php

 

Looks like where Mr.Mal got his info.

 

CC(This message has been edited by campcrafter)

[John-in-KC 311]

Keep the young men doing things, so that their minds do not gather wool!!

 

SMs and CCs: Get IRONCLAD commitments from parents about whether or not they are coming to Visitor's Day/Night. If you know a young is going to be without a parent, do something with him!

 

Been there, done that.

[Mr.Mal 10]

----->>>>>> QUOTE One resource for info on this you all might check out is the Amercian Camping Association's web site for camp parents and in particular

 

http://www.campparents.org/homesickness.php

 

Looks like where Mr.Mal got his info.

 

CC

[Mr.Mal 10]

-------->>>>>>>>>>>

I think a small item from home might be okay, but HOO-

BOY! I would NOT recommend a stuffed animal. The other boys WILL ridicule him if they find out about having a stuffed animal. You may think they won't/don't...but they will. On the lines of still being a baby... I know, all "our" Scouts are kinder than this...NOT!

 

[acco40 95]

Stuffed animal - if your child sleeps with a stuffed animal and you think it would help him at summer camp here is how to avoid the ridicule that may happen if the other boys find out. Before he departs and without telling your son, unroll his sleeping bag. Stuff the animal all the way into the end of the bag and re-roll it up. When you son goes to sleep, he will find it there, know it is there, probably know mom or dad put it there thinking of him and his tent mate and the other boys are none the wiser.

 

My soon to be Eagle Scout with close to 200 nights of camping, Brotherhood member of the OA, soon to begin his sixth summer camp and teach NYLT as the SPL - was a homesick summer camp attendee as a ten year old. He went with the troop on their, March, April and May campout. I thought I (as an SA) could make the summer camp outing (did not make the earlier three) but work got in the way. It was only years later that I heard he had some trouble at summer camp his first year. It is a rite of passage for many. In my age group, the first day of kindergarten was a traumatic step for many. Now, with so many kids warehoused in day care, pre-school, etc. separation anxiety from mom (usually) doesn't occur the first day of kindergarten but at a much earlier age for many.

 

Homesickness usually doesn't occur until the second or third night and usually is over by the fourth night. I agree with earlier posters that the worst thing a parent can do is to tell the boy they may drop in on such and such a date or time and then be late or be a no-show. I've seen kids devastated if a parent arrives just a half-hour late. I've also waiting in the camp parking lot (an open field) with a lone Scout (yes, another leader was with me as well as my two impatient sons) for hours waiting for a forgetful parent, step-parent, grandparent, to pick them up. What to tell a first year Scout when he asks, "How come my mom isn't here yet and all of the other boys went home over an hour ago?"(This message has been edited by acco40)

[hops_scout 9]

We are going to try avoiding one problem that can cause homesickness and early departures from camp. Wednesday night is Parents' Night at the camp we're going to. The parents don't know that and the new boys' parents will not know that. It helps that the camp is 2.5 hours away so they can't just drop in.

 

Also, we are working right now to plan transportation to camp and the new boys' parents are not included. We are working to gather enough vans from the parents of the experienced boys to drive so the new boys can't try leaving shortly after arriving at camp.

 

The also prevents one other common issue-- the parents, since they won't be there, can't help set up tents:)

[msnowman 10]

Wow - I never realized that homesickness was an issue for Boy Scouts. Nephew has been going to Cub Resident camp since the summer after 2nd grade, as has most of the boys in his troop near his age, so Boy Scout homesickness hasn't been an issue. For sometimes it is a bigger issue for the parents than the boy. The parents aren't ready for their son to be that independent yet.

 

One other consideration for a letter to the parents - let them know that if their son has a bedwetting or sleepwalking issue to let you know. If you are prewarned you can make sure they are paired w/ a discrete boy or that he tents alone. Granted, this may be more of an issue at Cub Resident Camp than Boy Scout Camp but still - forwarned is forarmed.

 

YiS

Michelle(This message has been edited by msnowman)

[Lisabob 13]

I agree that mid-week visits can be a problem for some boys. However I would be wary of going the route of simply not telling parents that this is an option, or of intentionally trying to exclude "new" parents from the planning and logistical end of things.

 

First, you can really only pull this off once. The boys will observe that parents from other troops are all at camp on Wednesday night and they may wonder why NONE of theirs are. They're sure to mention this to mom and dad when they get home.

 

Second, you may unintentionally cause resentment, among both parents and boys (why did you feel you couldn't trust us enough to tell us...)

 

Third, new parents who are intentionally excluded will discover this and may feel you are "clique-ish" in your behavior. Not to mention, they're the parents who most need to be kept IN the loop since they are often not well acquainted with the program and will have the most questions and misgivings about sending their boy to camp with you.

 

In short, I don't think intentionally witholding information is the best strategy in terms of long term trust. I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I were the new parent.

 

Lisa'bob